Sleep early, will you? : Blog # 119

Sleep early, will you?

            Why don’t you sleep early? Most of us have heard our parents ask that to us, haven’t we?

        Sleep - when and for how long,  is one of the earliest habits that are induced in us. For most of us, it would have been against our liking. Remember nap time at pre-school? That is exactly what we are talking about here. May be that is the reason why we take much pleasure in staying up late as the first sign of revolt as we grow up.

       For many of us now, staying up late has become a habit. We feel odd if we go to bed at the time our parents do. But more than the ‘cool quotient’ attribution, there is more to it. To begin with, If we go to bed early, we will have to deal with our thoughts. There are realms of thought which all of us do not want to explore. If we go to bed late and exhausted, we drift off to sleep in seconds. Neither is there any thought process involved nor are there any accompanying questions which we do not have answers to.

            Another reason is a misplaced sense of insecurity. Hasn't there been a day when you planned to sleep for say 2 hours and you wake up to find that an entire afternoon has passed bye? There is a sense of disorientation there. A feeling that we have missed out on some happenings when we were asleep. We think the world passed by while we were indulging in a siesta. A bit of it can be attributed to our need to constantly stay ‘connected’ with the world happenings, much thanks to the social media and the omnipresent cell phone.

          It is also during these dark hours that many of us indulge in some entertainment. This is when we find time in our cluttered lives to read a book, catch a movie or some good videos on internet. Strangely enough, it is in these wee hours that we catch up with friends and acquaintances too.

I envy those who have a regular sleep pattern. Their nights are not exhausted and their mornings are fresh. They stay wide awake in the day and sleep peacefully at night and not the other way around like most of us.

We take to all kinds of books and self improvement practices to bring solace to our wandering minds. Like for many quagmires in life, the solution is right in front of our eyes. But what we do not realize is that at times, we need to shut our eyes to find what we are searching for.

                                                                                                            

Arun Babu.

Life Overheard : Blog # 118

Life Overheard

       Most of life’s learning for me has come from overheard conversations and at times, passing remarks. It is not that no one has advised me. There have been plenty – from people worthy of it and from those who themselves had no clue how to figure out their lives.

            One of the earliest passing conversations was between my Grandmother and her friend. She told her friend “I have seen all the riches in Life. My father owned a car in the 1950s. Later on, I have lived the life of a middle class house wife too. What I have come to know is Money comes and goes, but people stay!”

            I used to stay at my uncle’s place when I was working in Bombay. One day, a friend of his came up and said that he was not keeping well but was still going to office. My uncle said “Listen, work will be there only if you are there”. That remains the fulcrum of my work life balance till date.

The occasion was my uncle’s wedding. An elderly lady walked up to my Grandfather and said “Let’s hope everything goes well in their lives”. On a lighter note, she added “Else, parents will be the ones who will have to bear the brunt!”. Pat came my Grandfather’s reply, “A wedding is between two families, But a marriage is between two people. It’s up to them and them alone”.  I couldn't agree more.

During my B-school days, my friend and I used to go on morning walks. One morning, I was in a particularly lethargic mood. He said “Babuies, your body feeling lazy is acceptable. But the day your mind starts behaving lazy, Beware! Come to think of it, if you could rein in your mind, you can rein in everything – Fear, Fret or Folly!

Let us all keep our ears open for want of not missing out on Life’s valuable lessons.

                                                                                                      Arun Babu 

At the same place : Blog # 117

At the same place

        Ever wondered how two people of different age groups become great friends? Ever thought why an old man falls for a young beautiful girl and she reciprocates the same love? Ever got surprised that you connect so well with people you least expected to do so? It is not the opposites attracting effect! Not at least to me.

I have never believed in that phrase, “opposites attract”! There might be an initial interest quotient due to the amusement that derives out of the differences. There is this urge to explore how the other person justifies his/her different state of existence. But in the long run, getting along with people of entirely different sensibilities might not be very easy. 

            I think the above mentioned happenstances occur due to those two people being at the same place in Life. I am not talking of the space defined by the longitudes and the latitudes. The place we are talking about here is the mind space a person inhabits at a point in time in Life.

            When two people happen to be at the same place in Life, there is a lot that the two can connect over. There is an effortless understanding which comes about. There is no need to tell the other person to think from your side. There is no need to ask them to step in your shoes. Reason being, they are wearing almost the same size J.

People of varied backgrounds and even age become friends at work due to the shared stress that they have to endure. Not many people outside work might understand the kind of pressure and competition one has to survive.

 At schools and colleges, in spite of the different family values, upbringing and even cultures at times, we find great camaraderie. At that point, all of us are in a more of a happy go lucky phase in our Life. So the more happy go lucky a person is in college, the more affable, he/she turns out to be for everyone. But, post college, if the person carries the same attitude, they are looked down up on as not being serious enough about their lives.  The reason being, the others have moved on to another mind space in their lives.

All the self help groups might be based on this very thought. People are under some sought of addiction and they get together and make a collective effort to overcome that addiction. Again, there is no one who understands their plight better than fellow addicts. The others can only imagine how it feels like. They share exactly the same mind space.

The same is true for the various interest groups that people join also. There are groups where people are working towards attaining the same goal. The fellow members understand how difficult the goal is or how much time it demands.

In this regard,the best thing one can hope for is for those people to happen to oneself at those instances in Life where they share more or less the same mind space.

                                                                                                Arun Babu.

Face book for dummies : Blog # 116

Face book for dummies

                Due to the omnipresence of social media in our lives, a new social order has emerged. There exists an emerging parallel world which requires a different kind of sensibility and protocol for peaceful co-existence. Let us have a look at the all pervasive 'Face book'.

                        Let us begin with a friend request. This is like the first meeting between two individuals. Even if we don’t like someone, we put up with him/her as a social courtesy. Likewise, the best you can do is delay accepting the request. If the person is smart enough, he/she will pick up the clue and revoke the request. If the other person is stubborn about it and is someone you cannot afford to turn away, you might as well add the person and put him/her in the restricted list where he/she will not be able to see any of your updates.

                        Then there is the all important ‘Like’. This is like a harmless smile that we all pass around. It is harmless but has some value attached to it. If you go around smiling at one and all you meet, people will start looking at you as if you were a joker. Similarly, if you go around liking anything and everything that pops up on you wall, it loses its charm. Also, it is a botheration for others who will get your 'like' as a notification. Asking for Likes is not a very cool thing to do unless you are asking very close friends of yours. Asking people to like a page of yours is still acceptable as social media is one place where you can spread the word about your initiatives. But asking someone to like your own pics is hinting at narcissism.

             Comments are a territory that is to be tread cautiously. Words might not give out the exact meaning that you intend to give out. This is especially true when there is some intonation involved. And putting up a smiley at the end of a rude sarcastic comment might not always work. More importantly, a comment is a public expression .This means whatever you comment is open to interpretation for everyone. A person who might not mind you pulling his/her leg when in a one to one conversation might not like you to do the same when a 100 people are watching.

            Now, about the sharing of posts and tagging pictures.. Sharing a post on to the wall of a fellow Fb-ian should be done only if the other person is interested in whatever you share. Or at least both of you should share a remote mutual interest in the topic. Same goes with tagging pictures. If the person is not there in the picture or if the album has nothing to do with the person whom you are tagging, refrain from doing it. If the person un-tags himself/herself from the picture, understand he/she does not want it to show up on his/her profile. It will be nice on the part of the person who is un-tagging to let know the friend before one does so.

            A poke is a harmless way of saying you remembered the other person and it is the most un-intrusive. However a message or a ping is not like that. So if you are busy, and someone messaged you, avoid clicking on that person’s message tab. Once you click, a message goes to other person saying ‘seen’. You can always tell you were away and you did not see his/her message J. If you don’t click on the message tab and go ahead and comment and like or do some public activity, again the truth is out.

            In spite of being a self confessed FB addict, I still believe in the charm of the real world. Meeting people live is much more refreshing than meeting them on a 14” screen. Also, taking an effort for doing something worthwhile for a close one even if it is having a lunch together will leave you a memory much more lasting than giving him/her a couple of virtual interactions.

            Towards the end, when you near logging out, no one is going to remember the statistics on your virtual interactions. In those days, what will be fulfilling and enriching for your mind space will be a memoir of real world moments.

                                                                                                            Arun Babu.

Why say Sorry? : Blog # 115

Why say Sorry?

          Many a time, I have heard this highly romanticized concept of “No Thank you and Sorry in friendship”. I do not understand why. I would rather say it is more needed in a close relationship. May be there is some credence to not needing to say thank you as the expectation is that the other person will be there for us, but sorry is non- negotiable.

         We say sorry primarily to acknowledge a mistake. But there is more to a sorry than just an apology. It shows the presence of a genuine intent. For instance, we wanted to attend a friend’s wedding and due to some unavoidable reason, we couldn't.  When we send across a regret note, it shows you had an intention of going which due to some reason you couldn't live up to.

             When we say sorry, it shows respect for the other person. If we had promised a person that we would arrive at a place at a particular time and if we couldn't and when we say a sorry, it means you respect the other person’s time. You respect the effort the other person took to keep up the commitment he/she made to you.

          A sorry also shows concern. If you express regret when you doubt that you have unintentionally caused someone some hurt of any kind even the size of a sand grain, there is this feel good factor which plays around in the other person’s mind. The person feels good because you are perceived to be concerned about the other person’s feelings. This takes away the possibility of the other person taking offence to a great extent. The Brownie point being you are perceived as a well mannered person.

            And then there is the grave danger of feeling taken for granted. The absence of a sorry might instill this thought which leaves a person feeling like a door mat or a push over. Thus begins the affected person’s struggle to prove one’s importance and identity which invariably brings friction in a relationship.

Some of us unnecessarily attach one’s ego to saying sorry. Saying sorry only shows one’s ability to accept one’s own mistake. Even if you accept or not, the other person involved will perceive it as a wrong doing on your part. So in an instance where you know you have committed a wrong doing, why not go ahead and admit the mistake and save whatever little grace that remains?

                                                                                                                   Arun Babu.

To hell and back : Blog # 114

To hell and back

        There is this friend of mine who met with an accident recently. We all used to tell him to not to drive recklessly. But he never paid heed to our words. Finally, after this happened, he has decided to take it slow.

            After all, there might be some goodness to bad things that happen to us. There might be a reason. I think we all need some unpleasant incidents in our lives. Only then, we appreciate and understand the value of the blessings in life – however small or trivial they might appear to be.

There is this perennial tendency of taking a good life for granted. We conveniently overlook status quo of the ‘going good’ state in our lives. Quite often, we say life lacks excitement. Only when the status quo is negatively disrupted, do we look back and say those days were peaceful and we forgot to enjoy them. This might explain as to why people who have recovered from a terminal illness begin to appreciate Life much better.

Ever wondered why some among us end up being rich spoiled brats? One of the reasons may be we end up leading such extremely protected lives that one loses touch with reality. The reasoning that Life is a mixed bag begins to fade. It is like trying to look at a tourist destination from the French windows of an ultra luxurious hotel. One never gets to see the reality and experience the essence of the place. There is such abundance of money that one begins to look at life stubbornly as a bed of roses devoid of thorns.  From this, comes an arrogance and a naive belief that one can dictate terms to Life.

Then there are those who become obsessive whiners. They begin to fret and faint at the smallest of Life’s quagmires. This may be because of lack of exposure to bad experiences. Unless one has come across some disappointments and despairs in one’s growing up years, one finds it difficult to adjust to adversities. This is because of the simple reason that he/she doesn’t know how to tackle a rough patch. There is no learning from the past that it is just a phase and there is a silver lining around the corner. We all have seen people who have been high achievers all through their lives struggling to cope at the first hint of failure.

Bad experiences are lessons learned. One need not wait for bad things to happen to one self. There is always the choice of learning from others’ mistakes. But if you are recklessly determined on ringing the bell to the hell’s door, Life does oblige.

                                                                                                Arun Babu.

Food for thought : Blog # 113

Food for thought

      I was lazing away on the couch after a sumptuous lunch at home. It was one of those moments when you are watching some good movie on the TV and an afternoon siesta plays around over your eye lids. Breaking the lazy surrealism about it, my cell phone started ringing. It was a dear friend who called up to check if I am free as he was in town. Reluctantly shaking away the laziness of my impending siesta, I set out to meet him.

            We met at a fast food joint. He had some fond memories of that place from his school days and even I had a handful of happy moments from there. While we indulged in some hearty trivial small talks, he ordered a burger. The burger came and the way he enjoyed the burger was a sight to behold. The candor and passion with which he enjoyed that burger was so endearing. He said he was trying to recollect the taste from his school days. I think he was searching for those fond memories.

            There is something about people who are passionate about food. I somehow connect it to sincerity because some of us get unnecessarily pretentious when it comes to food. Be it the way people eat or the preference for certain food, there are some un- wanted pretensions. So if someone likes a food item that is not very fashionable and is candid enough to admit and exhibit it in the way one eats, there is some earnestness somewhere.  

            Food has a direct relation to the closeness that people share. If you have paid attention, we demand food only at those places where we are very comfortable. It takes us immense effort to ask for food at a place which is not our own or a house that we are not familiar with.

            Food preferences might be the earliest manifestations of one’s persona. Little toddlers react to certain food favorably or unfavorably -and they carry that preference throughout their lives. Many other likes may turn in to dislikes and vice-versa in one’s growing up years but for food.

            There is a lot of emotion attached to food. One of the first things that we miss while we stay away from home is the homely food. Same is the case with memories. Who doesn't remember the small road side shop from college days which served amazing tea and snacks?

            Of all the Man’s Greeds, food is one thing which one cannot be greedy about. One has to refuse when one is full. One doesn't ask for more neither does one wish for more food beyond one's need. May be the reason is that food fills up not just the gut but the heart too.

                                                                                                   Arun Babu

Found your Soul Mate yet? : Blog # 112

Found your Soul Mate yet?

        Soul mate is one of the most endearing words I have ever come across. I think it epitomizes the state of perfection of all the relationships. What a wonderful state of being would it be if one were to find ones soul mate!

            If you have ever met someone whom you took an instant liking to; thought like you did or you liked the way that person thought; with whom you got along with like a house on fire; with whom you took effort to spend time with; with whom you let go of your ego ; then you have met your soul mate.

        It is not about finding similarity in thoughts. It is about having a liking so deep that you are willing to  lend an ear to each other’s thoughts.

           It is not about letting go of one’s identity so that one finds compromise. It is about having the mutual willingness to create enough space for the other person on one’s own.

        It is not about agreement in all aspects. It is about innate respect which accepts differences. It is not about taking an effort. It is about wanting the companionship.   

       It is not about compromises. Neither is it about being accommodating. It is about Love created by that person – for Life and of it. It is about ease of togetherness.

    We might never know if there exists a cosmic spectrum to which two people destined to be together are wrapped in to. But what is for sure is that blessed are those who find their soul mates for in the end, it will not be about endurance. It will be about fond reminiscence.

                                 Arun Babu. 

I love tier 2 ! : Blog # 111

I love tier 2 !

       I had to catch a late night bus to Chennai from my home town. My hometown, Thrissur is a small city with a lush green roundabout extending 2kms right at its heart. I took an auto and something felt different, something felt good. Then it hit me. The air was light – smokeless and dust free. There was no traffic blockade. There were no blaring horns. There was greenery all around and the road was litter free. These were the things I took for granted. And then happened The Metros – Bangalore, Bombay and Chennai – in that order – of chronology and preference ;).

            Come to think of it, there is no reason why one shouldn't like tier 2 cities. I am in Love with smaller cities like Coimbatore and Mysore. You have all the comforts in smaller cities that you have in metros in the absence of the undesired irritants. Which tier 2 city doesn't have a good school? Which smaller city doesn't have a multiplex?  You might as well find a mall or two.

Analysts say growth is there as much in tier 2 as there is in tier 1. It is economically more viable to start a business in tier 2 owing to the lower realty costs. It is no wonder then that all the brands have made their presence felt in these cities. Look around and you will see all the labels from the world of fashion. There will be at least a handful of automobile dealerships. Even the international eateries have descended on these cities. Owing to the lower cost of living, people have purchasing power at par with a tier1.

The gated residential communities and apartment complexes prefers these cities due to availability of resources like power and water. The hospitals here are better off at catering to its patients due to a favorable doctor – patient ratio.

And the greatest plus of all – people know each other and more importantly care for each other. One might not be able to set out of home and come back without smiling at an acquaintance or having a chit chat where as in a Metro, you might be left unattended even if you were to lie on the road, unconscious.

The billboards and the neon lamps are as much omnipresent in a tier 2 city as it is in a metro. But the difference is that the billboards do not obstruct your view and neither does the neon lamps cost you your sleep. I am not saying tier 2s are without their misgivings. If you are a person who has an inclination towards music and spirit en-wrapped in a night life, these cities might not be able to offer you that and even may go to sleep by 10 o clock. But it is said the pollution which a metro inflicts your body and the stress with which it clutters your mind can cost you some precious time off your life itself. When there is no light to life itself, what is there to a couple of night outs?

Arun Babu.

To Be Specific : Blog # 110

To Be Specific

       To be specific’ is a phrase we use quite often. The idea of using it is to lend more clarity to the task or subject at hand. But when we adapt the same to our Life, the same phrase becomes restricting. It draws boundaries on the boundless possibilities of Life.

                                 

        Let us look at the academic curriculum we follow. A bachelor’s degree is specific to a subject. It doesn’t allow a student to explore other realms of academia. There should be a framework for any area of study but what is the need to restrict one to that framework? Let the person who is undertaking the study fulfill the requirements of the framework and be allowed a certain degree of freedom to explore other streams of interest as well.

                        There was a time in the past when people used to do a particular job right from their date of joining to their retirement day – of course at incremental levels of responsibility; but the nature of the job remained the same. The jobs were specific.  Today, if a person tries to stick on to a specific job, that decision will sound the death knell of his/her career. There is no luxury of allowing a person to be an expert in a field alone. Rather, what is preferred is a person being an expert in a particular field and still having moderate knowledge in the related areas.

                    Now, let us look at Life at large. Many of us tend to stick to a specific instance in the past and then live our lives in its shadow. It may be a love failure, demise, disease or a financial turmoil. That specific instance anchors and pulls us back from moving ahead in Life.

         Some of us tend to stick to a specific aspect of Life .For some, it will be work and for some others, it might be academics. Some stick to an interest which might not be worth pursuing. Here, we are losing out on the larger picture in Life. We are restricting our lives to a specific part and not living up the whole of it.

          Let us try and learn to look at Life with an  abstract perspective and forget the constraints of the specific way. It is much more liberating. It gives a lot of room for exploring the numerous facets of life. This requires flexibility in mindset, thought process and the way of living life itself. Abstracts allow us to look at Life without getting fogged by the established norms and conventions. An abstract approach lends clarity to the vision of Life. It is like one of those welcome showers on the wind shield when it gets dusty from a long drive.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Arun Babu.

Mango Celebrities : Blog # 109

Mango Celebrities

       There is this immensely talented singer who re- tweets all the compliments coming her way on the social networking platform of Twitter. If she were to receive those compliments in person, will she get hold of a microphone and repeat the words of those admirers? Being the lady that she is, all she would do at max is smile graciously and accept the compliments with humility.

            Why do people who are otherwise modest and sensible go on unabashedly on social media about themselves? Why do we change profile pictures so often? Why are we bothered about the number of Likes? Why is that we exult our achievements on the white wall with blue borders? What is with the compulsive urge to push oneself in to the limelight?

The main reason I perceive is that the virtual world has taken away the awkwardness from people. Be it sending a contact request to a total stranger or chatting up with a person who is just an acquaintance, the usual social awkwardness is absent. This is good when networking with fellow beings is concerned but when it comes to self-praise, all the grace and humility is lost.

            Marketing of consumer products might have unintentionally kicked off this trend. In the name of branding, products’ fan pages started propagating information which is favorable to their image. People would have unknowingly adapted this habit. But we should understand that we are not products! It is ok to be not ‘Liked’.

            Another aspect is that the social media has made us all in to small time celebrities in our own right. The visibility of a person has increased manifold. Five years before, when has there been a time when you were being watched by 100+ people, even virtually? Never before has your life been chronicled on time lines like it happens today. Each person is getting the attention of a celebrity and all that we are doing is to live up to its charm trying hard not to let go of its aura.

            Everyone deserves a chance to blow one’s trumpet. The tipping point though is its frequency – both the shrill and periodicity. Putting up a profile pic once in a while is fine but changing it every 30 days might put off people. It is acceptable to seek reassurances. Seeking appreciation for a hard earned merit is also fine. But it shouldn't be done in a way which puts Narcissus himself to shame.

Eventually, this might lead to a time when everyone becomes a celebrity which invariably means no one will remain a celebrity!

p.s. Yours truly also pleads guilty to have committed the above crimes at some point in time.

                             Arun Babu.

Let there be Art : Blog # 108

                            Let there be Art

I love God so much for having woken up one fine day and having said “Let there be Art”. Imagine a life without art! How bland our world would be! There would be no music to hum to, no painting to marvel at, no story to imagine about, no dance to tap your feet to!

Come to think of it, Art is an obvious sign of advancement for us as a species. It demands the ability to articulate one’s innermost thoughts or emotions in a way that is appealing to fellow beings. It is a manifestation of one’s inner self. For this to happen, there need to be a certain level of clarity of thought and articulation and art represents the pinnacle of this ability.

Very few things have the ability to make us feel good other than some sort of possession of one’s own.  Of those rare things is art. A good performance or manifestation of any sort of art can easily appeal to a person in an immensely positive way. It leaves a lasting feel good vibe.

Art is in many ways, forward looking. It is futuristic. This might be the reason why we come to appreciate certain art works at a point in time much later than it is made.

The fact that Art adds beauty to our lives is often taken lightly. The world is so vibrant because of the presence of art. The world owes much of its beauty to Art. Along with the beauty aspect of it, Art also documents our existence in this world. It is from the frescoes and the murals that we know of the life and time which existed much before us.

It is interesting to note that Art has the liberty of a much more mature, parallel world. This is the reason why people seek the solace of an art form to speak or express thoughts which cannot be done in a usual day to day world. This promotes tolerance and acceptance – to thoughts that are at times, poles apart. This might be the reason why art ceases to exist in a country which endures a dictatorship.

Thus existence of Art depicts intellect, liberty, beauty, hope and much more. Let’s be grateful for the existence of Art J.

                                                                                                    Arun Babu.