Why say Sorry? : Blog # 115

Why say Sorry?

          Many a time, I have heard this highly romanticized concept of “No Thank you and Sorry in friendship”. I do not understand why. I would rather say it is more needed in a close relationship. May be there is some credence to not needing to say thank you as the expectation is that the other person will be there for us, but sorry is non- negotiable.

         We say sorry primarily to acknowledge a mistake. But there is more to a sorry than just an apology. It shows the presence of a genuine intent. For instance, we wanted to attend a friend’s wedding and due to some unavoidable reason, we couldn't.  When we send across a regret note, it shows you had an intention of going which due to some reason you couldn't live up to.

             When we say sorry, it shows respect for the other person. If we had promised a person that we would arrive at a place at a particular time and if we couldn't and when we say a sorry, it means you respect the other person’s time. You respect the effort the other person took to keep up the commitment he/she made to you.

          A sorry also shows concern. If you express regret when you doubt that you have unintentionally caused someone some hurt of any kind even the size of a sand grain, there is this feel good factor which plays around in the other person’s mind. The person feels good because you are perceived to be concerned about the other person’s feelings. This takes away the possibility of the other person taking offence to a great extent. The Brownie point being you are perceived as a well mannered person.

            And then there is the grave danger of feeling taken for granted. The absence of a sorry might instill this thought which leaves a person feeling like a door mat or a push over. Thus begins the affected person’s struggle to prove one’s importance and identity which invariably brings friction in a relationship.

Some of us unnecessarily attach one’s ego to saying sorry. Saying sorry only shows one’s ability to accept one’s own mistake. Even if you accept or not, the other person involved will perceive it as a wrong doing on your part. So in an instance where you know you have committed a wrong doing, why not go ahead and admit the mistake and save whatever little grace that remains?

                                                                                                                   Arun Babu.

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