Choices we make : Blog # 148

Choices we make

All of us love to have choices. Be it from the most trivial of decisions to the most compelling ones, we need to have more than one option.

One reason for this liking for choices might be to minimize risk. If one option doesn't work, there is an alternative. And as people of our country, most of us are risk averse. Even at the risk of redundancy, we prefer to have multiples choices.

Another reason is having a choice is an easy way of empowerment or at least it gives a sense of being empowered. It shows an exit route in the vicinity. Whether one uses it or not is a different question altogether. We have all seen fire exits in buildings. A choice is like that. You might never use it. But it’s good to know that it is always there.

May be this is the reason why people prefer live in relationships to marriages. There is a choice. Once, one get in to a marriage, the choice ceases to exist. I am not getting in to the moral or social acceptance part of it. I am just exploring the options part here.

Same is the case with bonded labor. No one likes to get in to a bond with any organization, however desirable an employer that firm is. It is not that the employee will look out for other opportunities right from the day of joining. But again, he/she would like to have a choice of leaving when they would want to.

We explore choices in order to get to the best. Be it selecting a type of phone or a career choice, we do our research. Most of us do not settle with the first option that comes our way. We look at various choices so as to ensure that we are getting the optimum result out of the decision to be made.

Then there is the decision and ownership angle. Give a person a choice and ask him/her to make a decision. Since the choice is made by that person, there will be a sincere effort to make it work. We always own the choice that we make.

The sense of liberation attached to a choice is immense. If you are given more options to choose from, it means it is not imposed on you. There is a sense of freedom to it.

The journey of our life is a string of choices that we make. In that way, the whole of our life is in our control. But frailty of this thought is made conspicuous by the fact that the two defining choices concerning our Life is not something we make – the choice of when our Life begins and when it ends!J.

Arun Babu

To have or not to have? : Blog # 147

To have or not to have?

        We all have wants, wishes and whims. It can be fame, money, love, success or anything that is appealing about this life on earth. Some of them are met and some aren’t. But I often wonder which is more painful, to have and lose or not to have at all. There are multiple human sensibilities at work here.         

  

            When one doesn’t get what one wants, one can rely on imagination. We can think if we had what we wanted, we would do this or that. Also, hope comes to one’s rescue too. We can always wish for the elusive want to happen to us. This hope and imagination fuels our journey with enough optimism to sail through.

It might also happen so that one longs for something and doesn’t achieve it even after a long time. Then what happens? Fortunately, we humans are equipped with enough spirit in us that we learn to live with that reality and begin to look at other wishes to be pursued.

But what happens when you are given a taste of your want and then it is taken away?  I think that is a deceitful manifestation of cruelty. Letting one know what it feels like to have something one always wanted and then taking it away is like twisting the destiny. Here, only disappointment remains. Yes, one can always argue there is reminiscence. But what is reminiscence here but a romanticized disappointment?

I think what would be most painful is the sense of loss. The umpteen rethinks that goes in about what could have been done to retain it. Did one take it too lightly or way too seriously? Was it because it came by too easily or was it due to it happening too early? There is this thought as to what can be done to bring it back. Even if tried, will it come back at all? The urge to get it back is always there at the back of one’s mind.

May be, this question of whether to have and lose it or not have it at all belongs right in the middle of those ever elusive quests of Life that we have to learn to live with.

Arun Babu

Characters that are Special : Blog # 146

Characters that are Special

        I wonder if there has ever been a time where in punctuation has found more importance in languages than now. So much so that we sum up a whole sentence with a combination of colons, parenthesis and special characters.

            Consider this. You need to tell your friend something but would like to convey an exact opposite meaning. All you need to do is put a semicolon and a parenthesis towards the end - I love waking up early in the morning ;).

            Expressing wonder by saying “I am surprised” or “I am amazed” is so a thing of past. Today, we say it using exclamation marks. The most common usage is 3 in a row – I am getting a salary hike!!!It can be used to express shock as well – I am not getting a salary hike!!!The usage of question marks also has the same impact - You have three facebook accounts???

            Sarcasm has always been elusive to many people. Understanding sarcasm itself needs considerable social skills. Expressing it in writing has always been a challenge. And here comes the colons and commas to the rescue – Hey thank you for remembering my birthday!!! J. That combination of exclamations, colon and parenthesis does the trick.

            Now coming to the best usage of all. For those who do not want to dirty their vocabulary using the four letter words, all one needs to do is put up a combination of special characters. You are such a %@%@%.

            The most common of all is the three dots usage. It gives that subtle literary feeling. If you are writing a story and you decide to title it “For my Love”, it will be much more appealing if you name it as “For my Love…”.    

            It is quite a paradox that for a generation that doesn't take using punctuation quite seriously, much of our daily conversations will be incomplete without them albeit the usages are in quite a different context from what Shakespeare would have ever imagined.

           

Arun Babu.

Dream On : Blog # 145

Dream On…

Recently, I came across these lines by John Greenleaf Whittier, “Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these - it might have been…”If we try to remember, we all were very ambitious as children. Not one of us would have had a childhood where we did not aspire for greatness in Life. As and when we grow up, we begin to scale down our ambitions and at some point in Life, we manage to get rid of it completely.  

We find comfort in the routine life of waking up lazily to the sound of alarm to dozing off to the high pitch of a TV or a laptop. We find that it is easier to drift along rather than aim for something which will demand considerable effort.

It takes conviction and confidence in oneself to be ambitious. One needs to believe in oneself to have an aspiration in the first place. I think a lack of assurance towards oneself is one of the reasons why we shed our ambitions somewhere along the journey of Life.

It is true that an ambition can weigh down heavily on oneself. If one were to compare life to a long walk, one with no particular goal will be an easy jay walk with no particular destination to reach. An ambitious one can be akin to one with a long winding road with a specific destination which is more often than not, a summit to be scaled.  

Not everyone is ambitious. One of the reasons is not wanting to go that extra mile. More compelling is the need to avoid heart burn. Through our growing up years, we have learned that it is easier to not wish for and be happy than to yearn for something and not get it. But by doing so, we are completely ruling out the possibility of a better state of being. One might not get what one wishes for but then having made a sincere effort will leave one with a much better sense of self than wondering how different things could have been had I  made an effort!

All through Life, we are in the constant quest of finding a meaning to our existence. At some point in life or the other, all of us would have wondered as to what exactly are we supposed to do with our presence on the face of Earth.The best thing about having an ambition is that it lends some amount of clarity to the conundrum that is Life. Moreover, there are very few qualities which are as appealing as ambition. It might be due to the sense of purpose it brings about to the person. Or is it the vision for Life that it gifts a person with, which makes it so attractive?

Arun Babu.

Get Bored! : Blog # 144

Get Bored!

When was the last time you felt bored? I am not talking about the general lethargy we all feel in our day to day lives. I am referring to that feeling which sets in when you have nothing to do. It would have been a distant past for many of us. And the reason, the multitude of options that are available to us. There is never a moment of absolute loneliness with all the gadgets at one’s disposal. That is the good side of it. But this also isn’t a coin with a single side.

 Talk to your parents and they will tell you they had much more time for themselves in the earlier days. Cut to present, almost all of us find it tough to find some time for ourselves let alone for others. We are living in a world with so much clutter and chatter around us that we are hearing the noise but missing out to enjoy the music in it.  

            It is true that the options that are available are much more varied these days. In the place of a single black & white channel, we have 100s of channels to choose from. From a singular option of telephone calls, there is a plethora of channels for communication. This surge of choices has made our lives much more enjoyable but at the cost of leaving one in a chaotic state of mind.

            What this problem of plenty has done to us is that we are always on the lookout for things to come. It takes quite an effort to stop ourselves from doing multiple things at a time. We can’t stop ourselves from messaging while watching a film. It is with much effort that we pay attention while talking to a friend because of the constant pings from multitude of social media that is demanding our attention.

I think it is time we cultivate attentiveness as a skill. The days of multitasking are gone. Once a quality becomes ubiquitous, it is no more a differentiator. These days, everyone is multitasking. But how effective all those people are in doing multiple things is the question. So people who can concentrate and pay attention become the class apart and those who become sought after.

            One of my friends recently told no one has the emotional bandwidth to reach out to others in today’s time. We are so busy with exploring our options that we have almost stopped caring for others. But it is in such a world, that we should be all the more careful in ensuring that we get our priorities right. We should take an effort to listen and sympathise. If disconnecting from all the gadgets and getting bored is what it takes for this to happen, let us get bored.

Arun Babu.   

            

For all the wrong reasons : Blog # 143

For all the wrong reasons !

        My Colleague Reshma and I were travelling on work and we stopped for having breakfast. I asked for a tea and Reshma said she would like a Coffee. She added that it is not the taste of the Coffee that she likes but it is the smell that makes her want it. This set off a string of thoughts.

            Most of us study the subject that we do not due to the liking for it, but for the job that it is going to fetch us.

      A vast majority of the working population are doing the work that they do not because of their passion for it but because of the fact that it pays their bills.

        Many invite people in to their lives not for the emotional security but for all the others – social, economic et al .

         We put up statuses on FB not necessarily of our liking but for others to like it. We tweet opinions that are not necessarily our thoughts but those which are deemed acceptable.

      Almost all of us follow the religions that we do not because of the profound understanding of its ethos but because of the mere fact that our upbringing was in those set of beliefs.

          We buy the cars we do not because of the convenience it provides but for the ego boost its horse power adds.

        We wear the clothes that we do not because they are the most comfortable ones but because of the brands they sport on their tags.

   We vote for politicians not for their governance skills but for their religious/community allegiances.

       I just wish it wouldn’t so turn out that at a point in Life, we lift the veil on these decisions and we come face to face with a Life lived for all the wrong reasons.

Arun Babu

Brand DQ :Blog on Dulquer Salman's Filmography # 1 : Blog # 142

Brand DQ: Blog on Dulquer Salman's Filmography # 1

           For the uninitiated, ‘DQ’ is how Dulquer Salman is fondly known as. Until not so long ago, he was an unknown face inspite of being the son of hugely celebrated actor, Mammooty. Cut to today, DQ is a star in his own right.

              You might wonder as to why this blog. A quite obvious reason is me being an admirer of his craft. Another reason is for a student of business like me, a brand taking shape is quite intriguing.

            DQ’s first film, ‘Second show’ was not a quintessential launch. He was not launched by his father. Neither was the film a stupendous success. I would say these are the best things to have happened to him. The fact that he was not associated to the Brand Mammooty took off the baggage of being an extremely successful father’s son and the comparisons that it would have brought along. The film not working well again took away the burden of expectations.

           Then came along his second film, ‘Ustad Hotel’. An enviable cast, astute marketing, a talented team and the biggest blessing of all, a wonderfully written script. With this film, he had arrived.

            He chose to do ‘Theevram’ as his next film. For a person who understands the nuances of business, he might have known at the back of his mind that this film might not be successful commercially. But it did gift him with something much more important – a perception that he takes his work seriously and the fact that he can act.

            Again, his next film, ‘ABCD’ was an unapologetic commercial film. He even tried his hand at singing in this film and it did well at the Box Office. There was a subtle message enwrapped in this film. But one had to really pay attention to see that.

            By now, he had become a household name. The fact that he is grounded and humble added to the endearing charm. He graced magazine covers and endorsed products- again, not all and sundry; Only those which went with his image. Various award shows recognized him as a talent to watch out for.

          He ensured that he rode the wave of the new generation cinema that is washing the shores of Malayalam cinema industry with ‘Neelakasham…’. It ensured he addressed the demography of Malayalee youth as well. He was also part of the anthology of films ‘5 Sundarikal’ and his performance stood out amidst a cast of competitive actors.   

         Well-read and well spoken, he understands the importance of social media and its influence. This explains his 8Lakhs+ likes on FB and 35K+ followers on twitters. For an actor from a language that is being spoken by barely 3Crore people, those are sizebale numbers.          

         For someone who is as clear in his headspace about the milestones he wants to achieve, I pray and hope he makes all the right decisions and make Brand DQ garner enviable recall and make it emerge to be hugely popular J.

Continued at :

Blog 2: Bangalore days and more

Blog 3 : The grand entrance to Tamil film industry

Blog 4 : Charlie all the way

Blog 5 : Comrade in America

Blog 6 : Spoilt for Choice 

Why Oh Why? : Blog #141

Why Oh Why?

         Recently I watched a short film which dealt with Child Abuse. Neither did it give a solution nor did it end on a positive note. I found it to be dark! What purpose did it serve?

Whenever I see a movie that is tragic, I think why on Earth do the directors make movies which take people to the abyss of sadness. I have nothing against depiction of  sadness in movies. They are as important and real as happiness. Neither am I demanding a world of art which is superficial and have no element of reality in it.

I have a bone to pick with those who take out the last ray of hope from a movie. Not only movies; any art form for that matter. Art forms should inspire people. They should also make people think and retrospect. But driving people down the road of despair, what good comes out of it?

       People say art is a reflection of Life. Even when we take a picture using a simple camera, we take an effort to clear the vicinity .We don’t let the mess to appear in the photograph in the name of Life-Like portrayal. Why don’t we do the same in creating an art form by avoiding the unwanted elements is all I am saying.

       The only purpose dark art can do is to remind one of the sadness one has gone through in one’s own Life. Worse, if one has lead a happy Life, a person will start imagining oneself in their shoes and invite unwanted despair.

     I see even a selfish streak in people who portray dark art. They are just exorcising their sadness at the cost of others’ happiness. Their mind space might become pristine but it does fog up others' minds. When one makes a movie dripping with hopeless melancholy or writes a story which tears one's heart away, the reader or the viewer is made to go through an experience that he/she might never need to go through in their Life. That is not a pleasant experience to leave one with.

I think dark art should remain just there – in the dark!

Arun Babu.

Take Care : Blog #140

Take Care

        This blog is not about that famous tagline of a hugely popular cosmetic brand. Neither is it about how we end conversations these days using those two words. Then what is it about? Read on to find out J.

            

        I remember as a child, whenever we used to visit some of my parents’ friends out of town, we used to stay in Hotels. My sister and I used to thoroughly enjoy those stays. We were so thrilled by the idea of pressing a button and getting whatever food we wanted. We used to find the sugar cubes incredibly fascinatingJ. These days, I am staying at some of the hotels as part of work and I see that the love of hotels is still very much there J.

           If you are lucky, the interiors of the hotel will be done tastefully with the fabric and carpet and the furniture being pleasant on the eyes with the appropriate lighting to go with it. The cupboards and tables are all of the right size and always at the right place.

            The best thing remains the food on dial. All you need to do is go through the menu, call room service and sit around in sweet anticipation. Watching TV with the favorite food on plate is something that many of us consider to be among those little good things that can bring a smile on our face without much effort.

            Comforts lie in the strangest of places ;).One such is the bathrooms. Many a time, they are fancy with their high end fittings and glass partitions and the toiletries that come with it. The towels are always dry and warm. And yes, the comfort of warm and cold water at the turn of taps.

For someone who is in love with the idea of cleanliness especially when it comes without any effort, hotel rooms are a blessing! However one leaves it, the next time when the door is opened, everything is in place and squeaky clean.

Although all the above comforts add on to the luxury of our urban lives, I think at the core of the liking for this kind of a luxury is the fact that we all like being taken care of. I just love the fact that there are people ready to help you out with smiling faces right from the moment they wheel in your baggage to the room till they bid goodbye with a thank you.

In this day and age of not-a-minute-to-spare pace of life and virtual interactions, may be this is what we all are looking for;To be cared for.

Arun Babu.

Lessons from Ranchi : Blog # 139

Lessons from Ranchi

           This year, work took me to that part of our country which has come to be known as Ranchi. For someone who has not travelled beyond Bombay, this was an exciting opportunity. The fact that I will be missing Onam with family and lose out a chance to meet my kid sister was a big regret. But then, my colleague Arjun who made me undertake this travel has promised that he will make it up for this, the next time we meet ;).

      I landed at Ranchi Airport. The first fleeting thought was how so far away I am from home. It was a strange feeling. Add to this, I was informed that a driver called Kali Charan will be waiting for me at the airport. The name sounded straight out of a Hindi film of the 1980s which was bestowed of course on villainous characters. I stepped out of the airport and there was standing Kali charan, his appearance quite living up to his nameJ.  The only respite was that one of the senior leaders from my company was also there along with him. He was quite friendly.

            We started our journey to the educational institution. On the way, Kali charan showed us M.S. Dhoni’s home. Huge trees and a long winding road welcomed us towards the majestic institution. We retired in to our rooms and Prof. Sinha came visiting us. A very affable person, in spite of being caught up in a hectic schedule, he made sure we are having a comfortable stay.

            The next day, I met Prof.Pant. He was the sort of person who commanded respect just by his presence. A person who you start looking up to right from the moment he has exchanged pleasantries. That morning, I met Tanvir, one of my senior colleagues. Over the two days, we discussed almost everything under the sun. He exuded warmth in a way only a Sardar can 

J.  

 What came as a surprise was the lessons in work ethics that Ranchi had in store for me.

            After the process for the day was over, I went back to my room. It was well past the dining time and there was waiting Sitaram Bhaiyya with a warm smile who ensured that we were well fed. I haven’t met a more humble person in recent past. The sincerity with which he served us food was so endearing. He epitomised what we call a pleasing personality.

            By now, through the umpteen trips around the campus, KaliCharan bhaiyya and I had become friends. He was well informed about his home town and nearby places. He spoke of Dhoni with great pride. But what stood out was his sincerity towards work. Not even once did he turn a deaf ear or show some displeasure in my numerous requests to take me from one building to other inside the campus. By evening, when he was driving me to my room, I told him that I am sorry that I made him drive around so much. His answer was simple and sincere “Sir, it is my duty” and he smiled. I could tell he meant it with all his heart.

            The next day, Prof.Sinha and I was having a real late lunch. When he came to know that it was Onam that day, he said he will try to get some Kerala food. With so many things to attend to, the fact that he made an effort to tell that was in itself a big thing for me. The person who was serving us food told me “Sir, I hope you select many people because after you leave, the kind of companies that come will select only very few people. I was amazed at his sense of the larger picture.

            When the day was coming to an end, Prof. Pant was graceful enough to drop me off at the guest house. He could have told a driver to do that. A person of his stature need not have done that, but he did J.

            How can I forget the energetic bunch of students who helped us out with the process – Ronak , Roop and their team J. They were such sweet bunch of kids that Ronak was kind enough to wait and have lunch with me so that I wouldn’t have to have my lunch alone.

            That day also, I had a late dinner and Sitaram Bhaiyya was there at the dining table ensuring I addressed my appetiteJ. As I was leaving, he asked me as to what will I prefer for breakfast. I said I will leave before breakfast and that I am having an early morning flight.He said in that case, he will provide me a tea. I politely refused saying it’s quite early and I need to leave by 5 in the morning. The next day, by 430, I was served piping hot tea and even more warm was his smile J. 

            At the strike of 5, Kali charan Bhaiyya drove in and took me to the airport. I asked him “Don’t you get tired?”. He said “I don’t remember a time when I slept before 11 in the night and slept beyond 4in the morning. People like you are our guests and it’s my responsibility that I ensure you travel peacefully”.  There are very few instances when words leave me. That moment right there was one such.

        From then on, Ranchi means just one thing to me – Good natured, Industrious people.

Arun Babu

The End? : Blog # 138

The End?

            I watched this movie ’The Lunch Box’. Although it is an endearing story, I was momentarily upset when the lights came on indicating the end of the movie. The reason was that there was no closure. The director of the story left the end of the movie to the interpretation of the audience or to its destiny if I may say so.

            Right from childhood, we are taught to look for closures. A cartoon ends with a ‘That’s all Folks’. Television shows for the day used to end with a vibgyor screen. School functions used to end with the National Anthem. As and when we grew up, there were further closures. If the endpoint of education is a job, the destination of a relationship is marriage.

               When a dear friend leaves our town to a new place, we have to meet for one last time. We do not want to leave the Goodbye unsaid for it means not knowing when one will get to meet again and we do not give much credibility to the chance of meeting yet again.

   Closure can also sound the death knell of imagination and ambition. We are choosing the easiest route when we look for a closure. When we watch a film or read a book, if it has a definitive ending, we do not exercise our imagination. We are just agreeing to the imagination of the creator of that art. Likewise, Life will throw up many instances where the closure will not be assured. One needs to take that chance. It might end stupendously well or tragically bad. But if one goes with only those opportunities with assured closures, one might risk losing the stupendous ending and land instead at the mediocre success.

           Studies in Human Resources state that we as a cultural group are averse to uncertainty. We prefer definite states to vague continuity. May be this is the origin of the saying that goes a Known devil is better than an unknown angel.

            I think the reason that we look for closures has got a lot to do with choices. Not having a closure means having multiple choices. For all the hue and cry about Life being difficult, when presented with multiple choices, we are more at sea than ever. Most of us prefer a single choice of existence even if Life is miserable in that state of being.

            We spend a large part of our lives looking for closures. Why is it so difficult for us to understand that Life is akin to a continuum? More so when we do not know when is it going to end. It is like searching for the end of a wave swelling on a beach. We should realize the wave is to behold and to be admired. The best that we can attempt to do is to surf along and enjoy the ride that is Life through its crests and troughs.

Arun Babu

Words left hanging : Blog #137

Words left hanging

        A couple of days back, I heard my dad lamenting to my mom that he pinged my sister on 'Whatsapp' and she did not reply. My mom dismissed it asking him to not ping her and call her up instead. What was surprising was that I did not find it unusual at all. The not replying part I mean and my dad found it to be unacceptable.

           There used to be a time when not acknowledging a person was considered very rude. Not anymore! Even if two people didn't get along well, in the name of being civil, people used to give some sort of response to the other person.  Cut to the present, we leave the words hanging even between friends and what is surprising is that it is socially acceptable!

            I think it all started with the seemingly harmless missed calls. The land lines never gave an option for us to postpone our responses. The reply had to be given in real time and hence was more sincere J. Then came along the missed calls! Though initially it was a means to know as to who called and return the call, it slowly manifested in to a means where people started buying time. If one didn't want to take a call at a particular time, the person will not attend the call and later, calls back and says “Oh I just saw you missed call!”J.

            Later on manifested, the more mischievous mobile messages. They were even lesser intrusive. The attention that it sought was limited to a beep as compared to the demanding ringing of a missed call. The time taken to elicit a reply for a text message varies from as less as a few minutes to days together! This was the beginning of avoided responses. Messages started going unanswered.

            As we walked further on the path of technology and gadgets, came along Apps and was invented group chats. Here, it is like a usual social gathering minus all the conventional civil norms. A conversation is going on. Anyone can leave unannounced and walk in without as much as a knock. You need not answer all the questions posed to you neither should you bother about the pleasantries. The words are left hanging and it’s just fine. And thanks to the clutter that happens when many people are engaged in a group chat, strings of conversation goes unanswered altogether with the pull down of a scroll button.

            Look at the social media scene. How many of us make an effort to give a personal reply for the birthday wishes that we get? All it takes is half an hour at the max of your dedicated time. But we limit it to a “Thanks everyone for the wishes!”. Try doing that in your circle of friends during the birthday party, at your own risk J .There are comments which go unanswered. ‘Mentions’ and ‘tags’ which go unacknowledged.

            It is not about maintaining the perfect social media etiquette. What we should be concerned about is as to where is all this clutter leading us to? To a world where you look at people and not see them; hear out people and not listen; or even more worrying, speak to someone and go unheard?

Arun Babu.