Words left hanging : Blog #137

Words left hanging

        A couple of days back, I heard my dad lamenting to my mom that he pinged my sister on 'Whatsapp' and she did not reply. My mom dismissed it asking him to not ping her and call her up instead. What was surprising was that I did not find it unusual at all. The not replying part I mean and my dad found it to be unacceptable.

           There used to be a time when not acknowledging a person was considered very rude. Not anymore! Even if two people didn't get along well, in the name of being civil, people used to give some sort of response to the other person.  Cut to the present, we leave the words hanging even between friends and what is surprising is that it is socially acceptable!

            I think it all started with the seemingly harmless missed calls. The land lines never gave an option for us to postpone our responses. The reply had to be given in real time and hence was more sincere J. Then came along the missed calls! Though initially it was a means to know as to who called and return the call, it slowly manifested in to a means where people started buying time. If one didn't want to take a call at a particular time, the person will not attend the call and later, calls back and says “Oh I just saw you missed call!”J.

            Later on manifested, the more mischievous mobile messages. They were even lesser intrusive. The attention that it sought was limited to a beep as compared to the demanding ringing of a missed call. The time taken to elicit a reply for a text message varies from as less as a few minutes to days together! This was the beginning of avoided responses. Messages started going unanswered.

            As we walked further on the path of technology and gadgets, came along Apps and was invented group chats. Here, it is like a usual social gathering minus all the conventional civil norms. A conversation is going on. Anyone can leave unannounced and walk in without as much as a knock. You need not answer all the questions posed to you neither should you bother about the pleasantries. The words are left hanging and it’s just fine. And thanks to the clutter that happens when many people are engaged in a group chat, strings of conversation goes unanswered altogether with the pull down of a scroll button.

            Look at the social media scene. How many of us make an effort to give a personal reply for the birthday wishes that we get? All it takes is half an hour at the max of your dedicated time. But we limit it to a “Thanks everyone for the wishes!”. Try doing that in your circle of friends during the birthday party, at your own risk J .There are comments which go unanswered. ‘Mentions’ and ‘tags’ which go unacknowledged.

            It is not about maintaining the perfect social media etiquette. What we should be concerned about is as to where is all this clutter leading us to? To a world where you look at people and not see them; hear out people and not listen; or even more worrying, speak to someone and go unheard?

Arun Babu.

Jack of All Trades? : Blog # 136

Jack of all trades?

         It is one question that has always puzzled all the professionals in the world – To be a generalist or to be a specialist in one’s field of work. I think the days of specialization are gone.

            It is said movies are a reflection of the times that we live in. Gone are the days when an actor used to be a comedian throughout his/her life. Such days are also in the past when one was a character actor and another person was a pure commercial star. Today’s actors are expected to do it all – Hero, Villain, Comedian, character actor et al. Such is the expectation from a professional too. One should be able to double up and step in to various roles in ones field of expertise. Sticking to one specific role for a prolonged period of time might sound the death knell of one’s career.

There was a time when the roles in films were much defined. The characters those days were black and white. Likewise, the kind of work that was being done was also very well defined. There was no overlapping of roles at all. Today, the characters have a bit of grey shade in them. It is not that a Hero will be completely positive and a villain will be truly despicable. Similarly, a person cannot be confined to his/ her job description alone. One is always expected to go over and beyond. One is expected to have a bit of knowledge in the related fields as well.

Having said this, there are fields where specialization is acceptable. These are such fields which are up coming and those which have the potential to be the next big thing. But one should keep in mind that even those fields will plateau one day and will go down in demand.

There is another reason for letting go of specialization. Thanks to IT, most of the work today can be automated. Technology is reinventing itself every day to the extent that jobs which where once thought to be non-automatable are becoming so. This means any skill that you possess or any process you perform can be done by a machine tomorrow. So holding on to knowing a certain process or a specific skill is close to making oneself perishable.

The key is to revive oneself continually. Learning a new skill or process is not a choice anymore. Only knowledge can make one stay relevant in today’s day and age. So for all of us who thought Thank God, School days are over, it’s time we enroll in the largest university in the universe that is Life.

Arun Babu. 

Say you are Happy : Blog#135

Say you are Happy

When you ask a person how he/she is, how often have you got a vague answer? My answer is almost always. There are two possible situations. One, when a person is going through tough times. Then the answer will be more direct. They will tell you that there are not really happy. But if a person is happy with his/her life circumstances, one shies away from saying just that. The most common answer would be things are OK. Right there starts our hesitation in counting our blessings.

We refuse to say it out loud when Life is being good to us. It is almost as if you are being pompous if you say you are happy! People perceive it to be the beginning of arrogance even. If we are comfortable winding out our bad times to people, why should we stop ourselves from hiding our laughter?

Of course, there should be some amount of sensitivity to the surroundings. There are people whose antenna is perpetually Off. One should be aware of the mood of one’s immediate surroundings. One cannot go on and exalt about one’s own achievement when someone close and near is going through a tough time.

I think where we fail is in the mad rush of Life. We are too busy to notice the good things in Life. We are always on the move; from milestones to milestones, from goal sheets to goal sheets. And when something goes wrong, then we pause and take stock. Then the happier times come rushing to us. We question ourselves as to why we did not enjoy those better times.

It makes sense  also as to why we should be consciously aware of the blessings in our Life. It gives us the strength to sail through tougher times. It is as simple as allowing children to indulge in all their wishes during vacation. My aunt always tells my younger cousins to do all what they want then. But when the school starts, they should perform as well is her fine print. Also, whenever they show some hesitation to do their homework, she reminds them of the fun times they had. Likewise, we should also take an effort to acknowledge and register when we are having a good time. Later on, when Life acts tough, we can fall on to these beanbags of happiness.

 When things are looking up, it is OK to give yourself a pat on the back, to smile at yourself, to tell yourself that you are happy. In short, we should be fair to Life when it is being fair to us.

Arun Babu

Monster Under the Bed : Blog # 134

Monster under the Bed

          There would have been at least one night in all of our lives when we dared not to look under our Bed. Most of us would have dreaded the thought of what monster lay beneath our Bed as Children and some of us, as grownups too J.

            Fear is the most avoided of all the emotions we feel. Somehow all of us prefer to dodge it than address it head on. Take the case of the monster beneath the Bed. All we need to do is gather a bit of courage, get a light and look beneath the Bed. We will find out there is nothing underneath and that the scare is just a figment of our imagination. But we prefer the comfort of inaction and uncertainty.

Take the instance when we watch a horror film in a Cinema hall. The audience who otherwise gives the right responses for all other genre of films act funny while watching horror films. They try and make humor during scary scenes. Ever thought why? Again, we just do not want to address the emotion of fear!

It is a fact that we all feel scared. Just that the intensity varies from person to person. We should accept it rationally and act up on it. The more we dodge it, the larger it becomes.

       There is a certain sense of shame attached to fear. You will see very few people who are brave enough to acknowledge their fears. It is just like tastes and preferences. Some people like black and some others, white. We don’t judge people based on that. Then why judge people on the basis of what scares them? Some might get scared by Wild animals and some by tiny insects. Who are we to judge the magnitude of fear and measure a person by its scale?

I recently read ‘Amygdala’ in our Brain controls our fears. If it fails, we will not feel fear. My first reaction was wow! What a great state of being it will be! - A state of no fear. But then on second thoughts, I realized fear is a form of intelligence too. When a raging bull charges at you, one should get scared. That fear should trigger the action of moving away from its path. A state of total absence of fear might jeopardize one’s life itself!

It is our reaction to the fear which matters. Do we get a light and look beneath the Bed or do we live with the scary thought of the possibility of a monster which threatens our peace of mind for the whole Life?

                                                                                                  Arun Babu.

Fare thee well : Blog # 133

Fare thee well

          Recently, two of my dear friends from work got transferred to offices in Pune and Bangalore. I was surprised at how sad I felt! I told them I was more sad for me than I am happy for them J. This again amused me - the candidness of our friendship. I could actually tell them what I exactly felt without the need for any euphemisms.

            I was being a bit selfish in not wanting my friends to go. I was sad that I am going to miss the camaraderie that we share, the comfort that we enjoy. But isn't that natural? Goodbyes are never easy. It is like stopping a hearty laughter midway.

Most of us deal with farewells in two ways. One, we think this is not the end of it all. We reason that Life is too long for two people to not meet. We refuse to look at the large possibility that two people might not meet at all. We think that it is impossible for two people to not meet in today’s immensely connected world. But again, in spite of all the connectivity, how many of our school friends have we actually met in the last 5 years? – And pings and virtual chats don’t count!  The other way is to be realistic about it. We might not meet again, but I am glad that we did even if it was for a short while. This is the less popular one due to obvious reasonsJ.

        Of two people, there is always one who is more affected in a farewell. I remember how painful it was to part after spending vacations with cousins for months together. It was always the host who felt bad the most, the ones who stayed back. Those who are going away have things to do or they need to get accustomed to a new environment. In that hustle bustle, head takes over  heart and the ones who stay back, laments more.

            But the good part of bidding adieu is that it can do wonders to a relationship. Distance is great for perspective. At times, we indulge ourselves to a great deal. We take people for granted. Once they leave our side, then we realize how much of a vacuum they have left behind. It can be the other way too. We tend to give too much prominence to some people. We think we will be lost if they are not by our side. They go away and then we find out that we were not that reliant after all.   

        Every time someone bids adieu, the greatest worry is whether we will get to meet such dear people ever again in our Lives. But then , Life never fails to surprise us, does it?

                                       Arun Babu

Leave Your Home : Blog # 132

Leave Your Home

       I believe it is not until we leave the comfort of our homes, do we discover our true self. We all have notions about ourselves. We think we have understood ourselves completely or at least better than what our family does. One fine day, we leave the walls of our home and the self discovery that happens takes us completely by surprise!

      It was after I completed Engineering that I first stayed away from home – in Bombay. I thought I was well equipped to stay away from Home. I was relatively more matured than my friends. I had a fair knowledge of the city I was going to. I thought I will just settle down fine and easy. I couldn’t be more wrong.

 I remember the first feeling of missing home and family was when I was having my dinner at a hotel for the fourth day J. The smallest of things began bothering me. Not having a private bathroom, having to use the public transport, not being able to watch my favourite programs on TV. The list went on and on.

            Once we go out of home, we begin to appreciate the little things that usually tend to go unnoticed. The familiar faces in the home town that passes a smile or makes an enquiry when ever crosses a path, the pet names by which the neighbours call out to us, the familiarity of the streets...

We begin to discover and understand the world in more ways than one. We learn how priceless the family is whom we take for granted. We understand how much of a support system friends can become. We realize how important it is to help out people who stay away from their home and hearth in however small ways possible.

           As much integral is the learning that happens of the world outside, equally enriching is the growth that comes from self realization. We begin to reassess how modern or how liberal we are in our thoughts in pressing situations.Once we leave the door of our homes, we understand what our thresholds are – both emotional and physical. We come to know how seemingly trivial things begin to unsettle us. For instance, a slight fever away from home might make us weaker than a full blown flu when we are with family. 

            Leaving home doesn’t attain its full meaning until one stays in a different city all by oneself. Travelling to a city for a couple of days away from home and residing in a city are two entirely different things. One need to go through the process of getting adjusted to and getting accustomed to the ways and means of a new town. The more one goes through such instances, the more one grows, the more acceptable one becomes and more accepting one becomes.

Arun Babu

Lessons from Professor Tom & Crew : Blog # 131

Lessons from Professor Tom & Crew

        We all used to love watching cartoons, didn't we? At times, in the right frame of mind, we still like doing it. These days, if and when I watch a cartoon, the thing that draws me is how unblemished a world it is. There are no dark shades even in the villain of the story. There is a constant undercurrent of Love. Most of the time, it depicts the triumph of goodness.

Remember Tom & Jerry? If that cartoon hasn't taught you to not take hatred seriously, I don’t think anything ever will!

         One concern was that in those days, cartoons were on paper (2D) and hence there was a disconnect from the real world - both in the depiction & the story lines. Today’s cartoons are much more evolved - again both in the medium of portrayal and the messages they give.

A child these days is much more aware of epic novels and the religious texts, thanks again to the toons and animation movies. The stories are beautifully portrayed and the best part, the characters talk and conduct in today’s language and context. At the same time, it doesn't lose out on the ethos and the core values.

           Look at the animation movie, 'Finding Nemo'. The theme is a child – parent conflict. It is about how a paranoid parent doesn't want to let go of an over enthusiastic youngster who is dying to follow his own destiny. The beauty of it is that not for a moment during the movie it puts the theme upfront and thus it makes sure the entertainment quotient is not lost.

            These movies are taking on complex themes too. Look at Despicable Me 2. A villain wants to turn in to a do-gooder owing to societal and familial situations. He is lured by his past and compelled by his present. How more real can it get than this?

            I would say the best such movie that came out in recent times was ‘Kungfu Panda’. I do not know how many sermons I would have had to listen, how many volumes of self help books I would have had to read through to get that message – that the secret ingredient in life is nothing but Inner Peace! How beautifully that message was conveyed through the movie. Again, not even for a second did it sound preachy. There are many more movies – Rio, Madagascar; the list is quite long.

           At times, we tend to take our lives way too seriously. We make it more complex than is needed. Certain situations make us doubt the power of goodness. It might do wonders if we take time out and catch a cartoon or a movie to get the right perspective.

            Arun Babu

Oh Poor me! : Blog # 130

Oh Poor me!

              Self pity is easily the most sincere of the emotions one can feel. The simple reason being it is easiest to sympathize and empathize with one self.  And the best part, the complete absence of objectivity as it concerns one self.

            The earliest form of self pity might be when we would have hurt ourselves as a child. For instance, when a child falls down, he/she is showered with attention and love like never before. If you would have noticed, the child will show the wound to anyone who cares to pay attention. When the child shows that he/she is feeling bad about oneself, people around also does the same. The child picks this up fast.

Later on, we feel bad for ourselves for having to complete the school home work. The feeling that why am I made to go through all this and how tiresome it is for me! Not many parents might encourage self pity at this point but by then, we ourselves would have mastered the art of feeling sad for oneself.

         This emotion follows us like a shadow. It comes back whenever we are dealing with a crisis.This eventually becomes a habit and we try and reason all the pitfalls we committed earlier on in Life.

It is good to have some sense of self pity for one need to console oneself to gain some strength. One needs to empathize with oneself to derive some strength from within. It helps in understanding that we have the strength to sail through such a situation.

But what happens when self pity goes beyond the limits? I would like to think it is at this instant when Laziness manifests itself. The sympathy for oneself reaches such a point that we decide the task at hand cannot be handled by us. It is then when we decide “I have studied enough for today. I am tired. I can’t learn anymore!” This becomes a way of Life. We find umpteen reasons for giving up various things in Life and console ourselves that it is ok to bypass the situation rather than taking it head on.

May be, among the best things that we can aspire to attain with our lives is the ability to show an ounce of the self pity we indulge in for ourselves towards others for it would make the  world  a much better place to live in.

Arun Babu

People We Meet : Blog # 129

People We Meet

                The other day, one of my friends was saying how happy he was that his child was growing up with his Grandparents. There is a lot of goodness the little kid is imbibing from them. He went on to add that there was no greater blessing that could have occurred to the little one. I couldn't agree more.

               I think it wouldn't be wrong to say that our character is an assimilation of the personas of all those people whom we meet along the journey of life. Some become turning points, some milestones and yet others, an indication to take a detour. And how much of their character we imbibe, is left to us.

   We meet people by design and by choice. All we can do is to hope that those who come by design are good at heart. If life fails that hope, we can try and cope with the ones we seek out by choice. Blessed are those who find both in Life.

             Many who have come by have amused and some have amazed. The best part is one never knows who all will visit us in this voyage from birth. I for one never thought that I will find people from places a night and a day away from my home, whom I will begin to count among my circle of trust.

   People who happen to us over the lifetime form pieces of the complex jigsaw that is Life. Some stay, some leave and some are left for good. Whoever we meet, we strive to find the similarities. If none were to be found, we try and appreciate the differences and when the appreciation begins to vane, we let the differences take over.

   At times, one gets greedy and try to reach out to all those who walk in to our lives. Then the choice is left to the ultimate decisive force – the time. Some visit for a day and some others, for a season. A very few last a lifetime. Happiness will find its abode in those who can tell the migratory birds from the homing pigeons who turn guides to show the way in this intrinsic maze of Life.

                                                                                                  Arun Babu

Day Dreaming : Blog # 128

Day Dreaming

          During one of the Toast masters’ meetings of which I am a member, my friend Ashima from Calcutta told “I never thought I would walk down the streets of Mysore wearing Mogra on my hair.” That sentence somehow occurred to me as how we refuse to let our imagination wander about the endless possibilities and stupendous surprises that Life has in store for us.

            We always limit our possibilities by frameworks – of distance, time, grit- the list is endless. How many of us at least wish to see the world in our life time? We think it is too much of distance to wish for!

            How many of us have the audacity to think that we will be at a much better position in life, say 5 years from now? We think it is too less of a time frame!

            We ourselves lack the will to aspire for our dreams to come true. If someone had come up to me a few years before and told me that I would be doing a job of my liking, I too would have gone on a laughing spree. May be this is where from people who have experienced Life derive their stability from. They have seen enough Life to know that we should be hopeful of Life. Only then Life will live up to that hope.

            We always look down  on day dreaming. I would say a fair amount of day dreaming helps. If we envisage a better tomorrow for ourselves, somewhere we start believing in it. Our actions, however small it may be will get aligned towards that goal. If there is no expectation at all, then what does one work towards?

What is there in expecting? We stand to lose nothing. On the contrary, even if one were to remain at status quo, the expectations will at least fill our heart and mind with some optimism. This positivity is powerful enough to take us a long way. It does bring a smile on our face or a spring in our step. Why should we let go of that feel good factor?          

And we must realize that there are not many people in the world who can afford to indulge in day dreaming. They are too caught up in sustaining their present. They are too busy making ends meet. It is a luxury not everyone can afford. Most of us are in a position to dream, to aspire, to hope. We should be grateful for this blessing and indulge in it.

                                                                                               Arun Babu.

Have a Life! : Blog # 127

Have a Life!

                    I remember talking to one of my uncles who retired as a Professor. During the conversation, he told “I wish I had a Life!” He went on to add as to how engrossed he used to get in his work and how oblivious he became to what was happening outside his area of work. The reality struck on the next day after his retirement. There was no meeting to go to, no phone calls to attend, no agendas to achieve. He regretted how he became more and more confined to his work that he began living around the demands of his work and not how he wanted it to be!

            Of course work is an important part of our life. But more often than not, we miss out the “part” aspect in that. Many a time, we mistake work for life itself. We begin surrendering to the dictatorship of work and our preferences begin to take a backseat.

There is this colleague of mine, Avi who is pursuing his interest in music in spite of our hectic work schedule. He has put together a band and is performing even. How many of us have that kind of grit? Forget about chasing one’s own dreams, how many of us take an effort to do things which makes oneself happy?

For many of us, salary is just a mobile message that shows up at month end. Yes, we are happy that we are living on our own and are building a future with it. But does the figure that show up make us happy, apart for the first couple of months may be? Ever wondered why is it so? It is because we are cherishing the experience of work that we are doing and not the transaction that happens at the end of every month.

Extrapolating that thought, the work that we do is just the transaction that we need to undertake to go through the experience that is Life. The moment we give undue importance to transaction, we will miss out on the journey of Life.

Work wise, there are very few people who get to do what they really like doing. That is a reality and we need to live with it. But who is stopping us from chasing our dreams? The work will be demanding and we will have to find time for doing things which brings us contentment or at least happiness. Years down the line, the day you decide to stop working, work being hectic will not be a good enough excuse to convince yourself that you did not do all those things you wanted to do with your Life.

Wouldn’t the canvas of life look much better with hues of various attempted ambitions than one with just a wide grey stroke of work alone?

                                                                                                  Arun Babu.                                                                        

Rich & Proud : Blog # 126

Rich & Proud

                My friend Liz messaged me a snippet today which read “Money is not everything. But I will make enough of it before endorsing such one liners”.  The first part of the snippet depicts the general attitude towards money. I don’t think Money gets the respect it deserves in our society.”What will we do with so much of money!”. “Money doesn't have so much of value!” are the random rhetoric we usually come across.

            Why isn't everyone around having an abundance of Money? The simple reason being not many people understand money. It takes skill to generate it and more importantly, to sustain it. By showing money in poor light, I think what we are trying to do is cover up our lack of competence in understanding this entity. It requires smart choices and wise, long term decisions to become rich.

            I do not understand why making money is such a bad thing after all. It is just a matter of priority. My priority might be to gain more and more degrees. Another person’s aim might be to visit many countries. When these two are not looked down up on, why attach a stigma to getting rich alone?

            One of the leading industrialists once said “I am not apologetic about being rich!”. Another corporate Czar proclaimed “I would rather build factories and give people jobs than do charity for them”. I see the first one as a very open minded, non- hypocritical mindset and the second one as a noble thought.

            I am of the opinion that many people who say that “Money doesn't bring happiness” has not seen enough of it. Money can solve many a life’s problems. Education, Sustenance, Comfort, Mobility, Health and many such necessities of Life can be made easier with money. Then comes the intrinsic problems – of relationships, of family and such issues which do not have any relation to one being rich or poor. All of us face such issues in life irrespective of what our financial situation is. So might as well make some money and find some comfort amidst such problems.

            Then there is the question of getting rich through un acceptable means. But that depends on the path a particular person chooses. There are academicians who buy out doctorates and then there are people who earn their degrees the hard way. Likewise, not everyone making money is a hoarder or a crook. There are people who work real hard to earn their riches. If one can be proud of a degree, one can be proud about being rich too. 

            I am not saying money is everything. There are things money can’t buy and yes there are things beyond the reach of Master card tooJ. The sponsoring thought here is whether we are giving money, the respect it deserves. More often than not, we resort to stigmatizing it with patronizing dogmas and that needs to change.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Arun Babu.  

Private People : Blog # 125

Private People

           There has never been a time when the mankind has been more connected than today, thanks to the social media and Internet. All our dear and near ones are just a click away.

            In the realm of anthropology, there is a concept called Dunbar’s number. Defining it broadly is the number of people one maintains a social relation ship with. We might think that the recent advancements should have definitely enhanced the limits of our Dunbar’s number.  But have they?

  The irony is that these very advancements are making people more and more private. As much as there is access to each other, all of us are confining ourselves in to our own spaces.

            For instance, how often do all the members of the family sit together in front of the Television these days? The youngsters in the family will invariably have laptops and they will prefer the tubes than the channels.

            There was a time when the phone calls were shared between all the members of the family. Today, when even a school goer prefers his/her cell phone, there is no need to share a call.

            A family used to come together during the morning tea for the Newspaper. There used to be some sort of tug and pull at the paper and a subsequent sharing of viewpoints at various reports. Today’s news comes in Apps. Distributing the newsprint might look archaic.

            Earlier, people used to talk. There used to be soulful discussions. Today, we tweet! And there is much that is lost between the lines or worse, some of us read too much in to the lines.

          If one were to think on the lines of Kishore Biyani, shopping is a family occasion for us. In today’s world of e-shopping, how often do we go shopping as a family?

            All of these points towards the lack of touch points in all our relationships. We are all becoming increasingly private. For all the tall talk about technological advancements and the social metamorphosis we are going through, the ethos of human relationships remain unchanged. It requires interaction to sustain.

The intention here is not to envisage a life back in time where we go back to the Amish world so that we interact more.  But we should look at finding ways to interact more as human beings because personal interactions are more enriching than the digital ones, at least in our times.

Arun Babu.