Why Oh Why? : Blog #141

Why Oh Why?

         Recently I watched a short film which dealt with Child Abuse. Neither did it give a solution nor did it end on a positive note. I found it to be dark! What purpose did it serve?

Whenever I see a movie that is tragic, I think why on Earth do the directors make movies which take people to the abyss of sadness. I have nothing against depiction of  sadness in movies. They are as important and real as happiness. Neither am I demanding a world of art which is superficial and have no element of reality in it.

I have a bone to pick with those who take out the last ray of hope from a movie. Not only movies; any art form for that matter. Art forms should inspire people. They should also make people think and retrospect. But driving people down the road of despair, what good comes out of it?

       People say art is a reflection of Life. Even when we take a picture using a simple camera, we take an effort to clear the vicinity .We don’t let the mess to appear in the photograph in the name of Life-Like portrayal. Why don’t we do the same in creating an art form by avoiding the unwanted elements is all I am saying.

       The only purpose dark art can do is to remind one of the sadness one has gone through in one’s own Life. Worse, if one has lead a happy Life, a person will start imagining oneself in their shoes and invite unwanted despair.

     I see even a selfish streak in people who portray dark art. They are just exorcising their sadness at the cost of others’ happiness. Their mind space might become pristine but it does fog up others' minds. When one makes a movie dripping with hopeless melancholy or writes a story which tears one's heart away, the reader or the viewer is made to go through an experience that he/she might never need to go through in their Life. That is not a pleasant experience to leave one with.

I think dark art should remain just there – in the dark!

Arun Babu.

Take Care : Blog #140

Take Care

        This blog is not about that famous tagline of a hugely popular cosmetic brand. Neither is it about how we end conversations these days using those two words. Then what is it about? Read on to find out J.

            

        I remember as a child, whenever we used to visit some of my parents’ friends out of town, we used to stay in Hotels. My sister and I used to thoroughly enjoy those stays. We were so thrilled by the idea of pressing a button and getting whatever food we wanted. We used to find the sugar cubes incredibly fascinatingJ. These days, I am staying at some of the hotels as part of work and I see that the love of hotels is still very much there J.

           If you are lucky, the interiors of the hotel will be done tastefully with the fabric and carpet and the furniture being pleasant on the eyes with the appropriate lighting to go with it. The cupboards and tables are all of the right size and always at the right place.

            The best thing remains the food on dial. All you need to do is go through the menu, call room service and sit around in sweet anticipation. Watching TV with the favorite food on plate is something that many of us consider to be among those little good things that can bring a smile on our face without much effort.

            Comforts lie in the strangest of places ;).One such is the bathrooms. Many a time, they are fancy with their high end fittings and glass partitions and the toiletries that come with it. The towels are always dry and warm. And yes, the comfort of warm and cold water at the turn of taps.

For someone who is in love with the idea of cleanliness especially when it comes without any effort, hotel rooms are a blessing! However one leaves it, the next time when the door is opened, everything is in place and squeaky clean.

Although all the above comforts add on to the luxury of our urban lives, I think at the core of the liking for this kind of a luxury is the fact that we all like being taken care of. I just love the fact that there are people ready to help you out with smiling faces right from the moment they wheel in your baggage to the room till they bid goodbye with a thank you.

In this day and age of not-a-minute-to-spare pace of life and virtual interactions, may be this is what we all are looking for;To be cared for.

Arun Babu.

Lessons from Ranchi : Blog # 139

Lessons from Ranchi

           This year, work took me to that part of our country which has come to be known as Ranchi. For someone who has not travelled beyond Bombay, this was an exciting opportunity. The fact that I will be missing Onam with family and lose out a chance to meet my kid sister was a big regret. But then, my colleague Arjun who made me undertake this travel has promised that he will make it up for this, the next time we meet ;).

      I landed at Ranchi Airport. The first fleeting thought was how so far away I am from home. It was a strange feeling. Add to this, I was informed that a driver called Kali Charan will be waiting for me at the airport. The name sounded straight out of a Hindi film of the 1980s which was bestowed of course on villainous characters. I stepped out of the airport and there was standing Kali charan, his appearance quite living up to his nameJ.  The only respite was that one of the senior leaders from my company was also there along with him. He was quite friendly.

            We started our journey to the educational institution. On the way, Kali charan showed us M.S. Dhoni’s home. Huge trees and a long winding road welcomed us towards the majestic institution. We retired in to our rooms and Prof. Sinha came visiting us. A very affable person, in spite of being caught up in a hectic schedule, he made sure we are having a comfortable stay.

            The next day, I met Prof.Pant. He was the sort of person who commanded respect just by his presence. A person who you start looking up to right from the moment he has exchanged pleasantries. That morning, I met Tanvir, one of my senior colleagues. Over the two days, we discussed almost everything under the sun. He exuded warmth in a way only a Sardar can 

J.  

 What came as a surprise was the lessons in work ethics that Ranchi had in store for me.

            After the process for the day was over, I went back to my room. It was well past the dining time and there was waiting Sitaram Bhaiyya with a warm smile who ensured that we were well fed. I haven’t met a more humble person in recent past. The sincerity with which he served us food was so endearing. He epitomised what we call a pleasing personality.

            By now, through the umpteen trips around the campus, KaliCharan bhaiyya and I had become friends. He was well informed about his home town and nearby places. He spoke of Dhoni with great pride. But what stood out was his sincerity towards work. Not even once did he turn a deaf ear or show some displeasure in my numerous requests to take me from one building to other inside the campus. By evening, when he was driving me to my room, I told him that I am sorry that I made him drive around so much. His answer was simple and sincere “Sir, it is my duty” and he smiled. I could tell he meant it with all his heart.

            The next day, Prof.Sinha and I was having a real late lunch. When he came to know that it was Onam that day, he said he will try to get some Kerala food. With so many things to attend to, the fact that he made an effort to tell that was in itself a big thing for me. The person who was serving us food told me “Sir, I hope you select many people because after you leave, the kind of companies that come will select only very few people. I was amazed at his sense of the larger picture.

            When the day was coming to an end, Prof. Pant was graceful enough to drop me off at the guest house. He could have told a driver to do that. A person of his stature need not have done that, but he did J.

            How can I forget the energetic bunch of students who helped us out with the process – Ronak , Roop and their team J. They were such sweet bunch of kids that Ronak was kind enough to wait and have lunch with me so that I wouldn’t have to have my lunch alone.

            That day also, I had a late dinner and Sitaram Bhaiyya was there at the dining table ensuring I addressed my appetiteJ. As I was leaving, he asked me as to what will I prefer for breakfast. I said I will leave before breakfast and that I am having an early morning flight.He said in that case, he will provide me a tea. I politely refused saying it’s quite early and I need to leave by 5 in the morning. The next day, by 430, I was served piping hot tea and even more warm was his smile J. 

            At the strike of 5, Kali charan Bhaiyya drove in and took me to the airport. I asked him “Don’t you get tired?”. He said “I don’t remember a time when I slept before 11 in the night and slept beyond 4in the morning. People like you are our guests and it’s my responsibility that I ensure you travel peacefully”.  There are very few instances when words leave me. That moment right there was one such.

        From then on, Ranchi means just one thing to me – Good natured, Industrious people.

Arun Babu

The End? : Blog # 138

The End?

            I watched this movie ’The Lunch Box’. Although it is an endearing story, I was momentarily upset when the lights came on indicating the end of the movie. The reason was that there was no closure. The director of the story left the end of the movie to the interpretation of the audience or to its destiny if I may say so.

            Right from childhood, we are taught to look for closures. A cartoon ends with a ‘That’s all Folks’. Television shows for the day used to end with a vibgyor screen. School functions used to end with the National Anthem. As and when we grew up, there were further closures. If the endpoint of education is a job, the destination of a relationship is marriage.

               When a dear friend leaves our town to a new place, we have to meet for one last time. We do not want to leave the Goodbye unsaid for it means not knowing when one will get to meet again and we do not give much credibility to the chance of meeting yet again.

   Closure can also sound the death knell of imagination and ambition. We are choosing the easiest route when we look for a closure. When we watch a film or read a book, if it has a definitive ending, we do not exercise our imagination. We are just agreeing to the imagination of the creator of that art. Likewise, Life will throw up many instances where the closure will not be assured. One needs to take that chance. It might end stupendously well or tragically bad. But if one goes with only those opportunities with assured closures, one might risk losing the stupendous ending and land instead at the mediocre success.

           Studies in Human Resources state that we as a cultural group are averse to uncertainty. We prefer definite states to vague continuity. May be this is the origin of the saying that goes a Known devil is better than an unknown angel.

            I think the reason that we look for closures has got a lot to do with choices. Not having a closure means having multiple choices. For all the hue and cry about Life being difficult, when presented with multiple choices, we are more at sea than ever. Most of us prefer a single choice of existence even if Life is miserable in that state of being.

            We spend a large part of our lives looking for closures. Why is it so difficult for us to understand that Life is akin to a continuum? More so when we do not know when is it going to end. It is like searching for the end of a wave swelling on a beach. We should realize the wave is to behold and to be admired. The best that we can attempt to do is to surf along and enjoy the ride that is Life through its crests and troughs.

Arun Babu

Words left hanging : Blog #137

Words left hanging

        A couple of days back, I heard my dad lamenting to my mom that he pinged my sister on 'Whatsapp' and she did not reply. My mom dismissed it asking him to not ping her and call her up instead. What was surprising was that I did not find it unusual at all. The not replying part I mean and my dad found it to be unacceptable.

           There used to be a time when not acknowledging a person was considered very rude. Not anymore! Even if two people didn't get along well, in the name of being civil, people used to give some sort of response to the other person.  Cut to the present, we leave the words hanging even between friends and what is surprising is that it is socially acceptable!

            I think it all started with the seemingly harmless missed calls. The land lines never gave an option for us to postpone our responses. The reply had to be given in real time and hence was more sincere J. Then came along the missed calls! Though initially it was a means to know as to who called and return the call, it slowly manifested in to a means where people started buying time. If one didn't want to take a call at a particular time, the person will not attend the call and later, calls back and says “Oh I just saw you missed call!”J.

            Later on manifested, the more mischievous mobile messages. They were even lesser intrusive. The attention that it sought was limited to a beep as compared to the demanding ringing of a missed call. The time taken to elicit a reply for a text message varies from as less as a few minutes to days together! This was the beginning of avoided responses. Messages started going unanswered.

            As we walked further on the path of technology and gadgets, came along Apps and was invented group chats. Here, it is like a usual social gathering minus all the conventional civil norms. A conversation is going on. Anyone can leave unannounced and walk in without as much as a knock. You need not answer all the questions posed to you neither should you bother about the pleasantries. The words are left hanging and it’s just fine. And thanks to the clutter that happens when many people are engaged in a group chat, strings of conversation goes unanswered altogether with the pull down of a scroll button.

            Look at the social media scene. How many of us make an effort to give a personal reply for the birthday wishes that we get? All it takes is half an hour at the max of your dedicated time. But we limit it to a “Thanks everyone for the wishes!”. Try doing that in your circle of friends during the birthday party, at your own risk J .There are comments which go unanswered. ‘Mentions’ and ‘tags’ which go unacknowledged.

            It is not about maintaining the perfect social media etiquette. What we should be concerned about is as to where is all this clutter leading us to? To a world where you look at people and not see them; hear out people and not listen; or even more worrying, speak to someone and go unheard?

Arun Babu.

Jack of All Trades? : Blog # 136

Jack of all trades?

         It is one question that has always puzzled all the professionals in the world – To be a generalist or to be a specialist in one’s field of work. I think the days of specialization are gone.

            It is said movies are a reflection of the times that we live in. Gone are the days when an actor used to be a comedian throughout his/her life. Such days are also in the past when one was a character actor and another person was a pure commercial star. Today’s actors are expected to do it all – Hero, Villain, Comedian, character actor et al. Such is the expectation from a professional too. One should be able to double up and step in to various roles in ones field of expertise. Sticking to one specific role for a prolonged period of time might sound the death knell of one’s career.

There was a time when the roles in films were much defined. The characters those days were black and white. Likewise, the kind of work that was being done was also very well defined. There was no overlapping of roles at all. Today, the characters have a bit of grey shade in them. It is not that a Hero will be completely positive and a villain will be truly despicable. Similarly, a person cannot be confined to his/ her job description alone. One is always expected to go over and beyond. One is expected to have a bit of knowledge in the related fields as well.

Having said this, there are fields where specialization is acceptable. These are such fields which are up coming and those which have the potential to be the next big thing. But one should keep in mind that even those fields will plateau one day and will go down in demand.

There is another reason for letting go of specialization. Thanks to IT, most of the work today can be automated. Technology is reinventing itself every day to the extent that jobs which where once thought to be non-automatable are becoming so. This means any skill that you possess or any process you perform can be done by a machine tomorrow. So holding on to knowing a certain process or a specific skill is close to making oneself perishable.

The key is to revive oneself continually. Learning a new skill or process is not a choice anymore. Only knowledge can make one stay relevant in today’s day and age. So for all of us who thought Thank God, School days are over, it’s time we enroll in the largest university in the universe that is Life.

Arun Babu. 

Say you are Happy : Blog#135

Say you are Happy

When you ask a person how he/she is, how often have you got a vague answer? My answer is almost always. There are two possible situations. One, when a person is going through tough times. Then the answer will be more direct. They will tell you that there are not really happy. But if a person is happy with his/her life circumstances, one shies away from saying just that. The most common answer would be things are OK. Right there starts our hesitation in counting our blessings.

We refuse to say it out loud when Life is being good to us. It is almost as if you are being pompous if you say you are happy! People perceive it to be the beginning of arrogance even. If we are comfortable winding out our bad times to people, why should we stop ourselves from hiding our laughter?

Of course, there should be some amount of sensitivity to the surroundings. There are people whose antenna is perpetually Off. One should be aware of the mood of one’s immediate surroundings. One cannot go on and exalt about one’s own achievement when someone close and near is going through a tough time.

I think where we fail is in the mad rush of Life. We are too busy to notice the good things in Life. We are always on the move; from milestones to milestones, from goal sheets to goal sheets. And when something goes wrong, then we pause and take stock. Then the happier times come rushing to us. We question ourselves as to why we did not enjoy those better times.

It makes sense  also as to why we should be consciously aware of the blessings in our Life. It gives us the strength to sail through tougher times. It is as simple as allowing children to indulge in all their wishes during vacation. My aunt always tells my younger cousins to do all what they want then. But when the school starts, they should perform as well is her fine print. Also, whenever they show some hesitation to do their homework, she reminds them of the fun times they had. Likewise, we should also take an effort to acknowledge and register when we are having a good time. Later on, when Life acts tough, we can fall on to these beanbags of happiness.

 When things are looking up, it is OK to give yourself a pat on the back, to smile at yourself, to tell yourself that you are happy. In short, we should be fair to Life when it is being fair to us.

Arun Babu

Monster Under the Bed : Blog # 134

Monster under the Bed

          There would have been at least one night in all of our lives when we dared not to look under our Bed. Most of us would have dreaded the thought of what monster lay beneath our Bed as Children and some of us, as grownups too J.

            Fear is the most avoided of all the emotions we feel. Somehow all of us prefer to dodge it than address it head on. Take the case of the monster beneath the Bed. All we need to do is gather a bit of courage, get a light and look beneath the Bed. We will find out there is nothing underneath and that the scare is just a figment of our imagination. But we prefer the comfort of inaction and uncertainty.

Take the instance when we watch a horror film in a Cinema hall. The audience who otherwise gives the right responses for all other genre of films act funny while watching horror films. They try and make humor during scary scenes. Ever thought why? Again, we just do not want to address the emotion of fear!

It is a fact that we all feel scared. Just that the intensity varies from person to person. We should accept it rationally and act up on it. The more we dodge it, the larger it becomes.

       There is a certain sense of shame attached to fear. You will see very few people who are brave enough to acknowledge their fears. It is just like tastes and preferences. Some people like black and some others, white. We don’t judge people based on that. Then why judge people on the basis of what scares them? Some might get scared by Wild animals and some by tiny insects. Who are we to judge the magnitude of fear and measure a person by its scale?

I recently read ‘Amygdala’ in our Brain controls our fears. If it fails, we will not feel fear. My first reaction was wow! What a great state of being it will be! - A state of no fear. But then on second thoughts, I realized fear is a form of intelligence too. When a raging bull charges at you, one should get scared. That fear should trigger the action of moving away from its path. A state of total absence of fear might jeopardize one’s life itself!

It is our reaction to the fear which matters. Do we get a light and look beneath the Bed or do we live with the scary thought of the possibility of a monster which threatens our peace of mind for the whole Life?

                                                                                                  Arun Babu.

Fare thee well : Blog # 133

Fare thee well

          Recently, two of my dear friends from work got transferred to offices in Pune and Bangalore. I was surprised at how sad I felt! I told them I was more sad for me than I am happy for them J. This again amused me - the candidness of our friendship. I could actually tell them what I exactly felt without the need for any euphemisms.

            I was being a bit selfish in not wanting my friends to go. I was sad that I am going to miss the camaraderie that we share, the comfort that we enjoy. But isn't that natural? Goodbyes are never easy. It is like stopping a hearty laughter midway.

Most of us deal with farewells in two ways. One, we think this is not the end of it all. We reason that Life is too long for two people to not meet. We refuse to look at the large possibility that two people might not meet at all. We think that it is impossible for two people to not meet in today’s immensely connected world. But again, in spite of all the connectivity, how many of our school friends have we actually met in the last 5 years? – And pings and virtual chats don’t count!  The other way is to be realistic about it. We might not meet again, but I am glad that we did even if it was for a short while. This is the less popular one due to obvious reasonsJ.

        Of two people, there is always one who is more affected in a farewell. I remember how painful it was to part after spending vacations with cousins for months together. It was always the host who felt bad the most, the ones who stayed back. Those who are going away have things to do or they need to get accustomed to a new environment. In that hustle bustle, head takes over  heart and the ones who stay back, laments more.

            But the good part of bidding adieu is that it can do wonders to a relationship. Distance is great for perspective. At times, we indulge ourselves to a great deal. We take people for granted. Once they leave our side, then we realize how much of a vacuum they have left behind. It can be the other way too. We tend to give too much prominence to some people. We think we will be lost if they are not by our side. They go away and then we find out that we were not that reliant after all.   

        Every time someone bids adieu, the greatest worry is whether we will get to meet such dear people ever again in our Lives. But then , Life never fails to surprise us, does it?

                                       Arun Babu

Leave Your Home : Blog # 132

Leave Your Home

       I believe it is not until we leave the comfort of our homes, do we discover our true self. We all have notions about ourselves. We think we have understood ourselves completely or at least better than what our family does. One fine day, we leave the walls of our home and the self discovery that happens takes us completely by surprise!

      It was after I completed Engineering that I first stayed away from home – in Bombay. I thought I was well equipped to stay away from Home. I was relatively more matured than my friends. I had a fair knowledge of the city I was going to. I thought I will just settle down fine and easy. I couldn’t be more wrong.

 I remember the first feeling of missing home and family was when I was having my dinner at a hotel for the fourth day J. The smallest of things began bothering me. Not having a private bathroom, having to use the public transport, not being able to watch my favourite programs on TV. The list went on and on.

            Once we go out of home, we begin to appreciate the little things that usually tend to go unnoticed. The familiar faces in the home town that passes a smile or makes an enquiry when ever crosses a path, the pet names by which the neighbours call out to us, the familiarity of the streets...

We begin to discover and understand the world in more ways than one. We learn how priceless the family is whom we take for granted. We understand how much of a support system friends can become. We realize how important it is to help out people who stay away from their home and hearth in however small ways possible.

           As much integral is the learning that happens of the world outside, equally enriching is the growth that comes from self realization. We begin to reassess how modern or how liberal we are in our thoughts in pressing situations.Once we leave the door of our homes, we understand what our thresholds are – both emotional and physical. We come to know how seemingly trivial things begin to unsettle us. For instance, a slight fever away from home might make us weaker than a full blown flu when we are with family. 

            Leaving home doesn’t attain its full meaning until one stays in a different city all by oneself. Travelling to a city for a couple of days away from home and residing in a city are two entirely different things. One need to go through the process of getting adjusted to and getting accustomed to the ways and means of a new town. The more one goes through such instances, the more one grows, the more acceptable one becomes and more accepting one becomes.

Arun Babu

Lessons from Professor Tom & Crew : Blog # 131

Lessons from Professor Tom & Crew

        We all used to love watching cartoons, didn't we? At times, in the right frame of mind, we still like doing it. These days, if and when I watch a cartoon, the thing that draws me is how unblemished a world it is. There are no dark shades even in the villain of the story. There is a constant undercurrent of Love. Most of the time, it depicts the triumph of goodness.

Remember Tom & Jerry? If that cartoon hasn't taught you to not take hatred seriously, I don’t think anything ever will!

         One concern was that in those days, cartoons were on paper (2D) and hence there was a disconnect from the real world - both in the depiction & the story lines. Today’s cartoons are much more evolved - again both in the medium of portrayal and the messages they give.

A child these days is much more aware of epic novels and the religious texts, thanks again to the toons and animation movies. The stories are beautifully portrayed and the best part, the characters talk and conduct in today’s language and context. At the same time, it doesn't lose out on the ethos and the core values.

           Look at the animation movie, 'Finding Nemo'. The theme is a child – parent conflict. It is about how a paranoid parent doesn't want to let go of an over enthusiastic youngster who is dying to follow his own destiny. The beauty of it is that not for a moment during the movie it puts the theme upfront and thus it makes sure the entertainment quotient is not lost.

            These movies are taking on complex themes too. Look at Despicable Me 2. A villain wants to turn in to a do-gooder owing to societal and familial situations. He is lured by his past and compelled by his present. How more real can it get than this?

            I would say the best such movie that came out in recent times was ‘Kungfu Panda’. I do not know how many sermons I would have had to listen, how many volumes of self help books I would have had to read through to get that message – that the secret ingredient in life is nothing but Inner Peace! How beautifully that message was conveyed through the movie. Again, not even for a second did it sound preachy. There are many more movies – Rio, Madagascar; the list is quite long.

           At times, we tend to take our lives way too seriously. We make it more complex than is needed. Certain situations make us doubt the power of goodness. It might do wonders if we take time out and catch a cartoon or a movie to get the right perspective.

            Arun Babu

Oh Poor me! : Blog # 130

Oh Poor me!

              Self pity is easily the most sincere of the emotions one can feel. The simple reason being it is easiest to sympathize and empathize with one self.  And the best part, the complete absence of objectivity as it concerns one self.

            The earliest form of self pity might be when we would have hurt ourselves as a child. For instance, when a child falls down, he/she is showered with attention and love like never before. If you would have noticed, the child will show the wound to anyone who cares to pay attention. When the child shows that he/she is feeling bad about oneself, people around also does the same. The child picks this up fast.

Later on, we feel bad for ourselves for having to complete the school home work. The feeling that why am I made to go through all this and how tiresome it is for me! Not many parents might encourage self pity at this point but by then, we ourselves would have mastered the art of feeling sad for oneself.

         This emotion follows us like a shadow. It comes back whenever we are dealing with a crisis.This eventually becomes a habit and we try and reason all the pitfalls we committed earlier on in Life.

It is good to have some sense of self pity for one need to console oneself to gain some strength. One needs to empathize with oneself to derive some strength from within. It helps in understanding that we have the strength to sail through such a situation.

But what happens when self pity goes beyond the limits? I would like to think it is at this instant when Laziness manifests itself. The sympathy for oneself reaches such a point that we decide the task at hand cannot be handled by us. It is then when we decide “I have studied enough for today. I am tired. I can’t learn anymore!” This becomes a way of Life. We find umpteen reasons for giving up various things in Life and console ourselves that it is ok to bypass the situation rather than taking it head on.

May be, among the best things that we can aspire to attain with our lives is the ability to show an ounce of the self pity we indulge in for ourselves towards others for it would make the  world  a much better place to live in.

Arun Babu