It’s complicated : Blog # 186

It’s complicated

Relationships have never been better defined by words than these two – It’s complicated. The more we try to understand them, the more complex they become. Many a time, we tend to think that relationships evolve by themselves. This is rarely true. They need and want to be nurtured.

Strangely, it is the little things which help relations flourish. I still remember one of my uncles taking an effort to find me a job post engineering when no one else bothered. It did not work out. But I am still grateful for the effort he took. I am sure all of you have little things which you remember people by. It doesn’t take much time and more often than not, not much effort too. But one has to have the heart to do it. This doesn’t come by easily. One has to cultivate that habit.

In our part of the world at least, relationships play a huge role. Be it family, friends or acquaintances, having a ‘connect’ with someone is valued more than anything else. Then the decisions are made by the heart and not the head. I remember once, under a situation of immense pressure, I called up a colleague for something quite late in the night. He told me that I am doing this since YOU are asking me. Otherwise, I need not and will not do it. I would say one of my greatest learnings from working for the little time that I have done is that it is people who get things done and not processes. So if you need to get things done in a work environment, you need to connect with people and it doesn’t happen in a day or two. One needs to build relationships. Only then people will at least try to go an extra mile for you.

It is quite easy to let relationships fade away. But getting them back is not quite as easy. More so,in today’s time and age where we are under a sort of siege by technology. Relationships begin and end between the time one logs in and logs out.I think the way we seek out relationships also changes with age. Early in life, we seek out similar people- people who are like us because there in lies happiness. Later on, we should try and seek out people who are different from us for they will help us grow as an individual.

Recently, one of my friends told me that we haven’t met in a long time. I told her that we have been always in touch through Facebook. She laughed and asked “Since when did that become your idea of meeting?” One fallacy that we commit these days is in thinking that virtual interactions are as effective as meeting people in person. This is far from truth of the matter. When you meet a person, they are able to see your eyes lighting up seeing them, they understand your genuineness through your physical gestures and touch. They realize you travelled all the way to be in their presence.

Relationships need time. It is like water to a plant. By spending time with each other, one learns more of the other. We must understand that companionship is one the greatest comforts. There are times one needs to be alone. But there are also times when one needs to be with people. And more often than not, the latter need happens more frequently. It can be family, friends or neighbors. But these relationships don’t happen in a moment. It might take a lifetime but these are what makes living a lifetime worthwhile.

Arun Babu.