Over a Cup of Coffee : Blog # 182

Over a Cup of Coffee...

Sunny had not called a city, home for more than three years, thanks to his father’s ever transferable job. Very early in life, he learned not to get too attached to anything or anyone. Even if he did get attached, he knew how to move on soon. He knew which button to press to bring the pain of attachment to a screeching halt.

Sarah’s earliest memories are tied to the charming city that is Bombay. She was born here, went to school here and graduated from the very same city that is home to her. For her, this city is like a person with whom she has grown up with.

Sarah and Sunny met during the first day’s induction at work. Not wanting to come across as timid, Sarah extended a handshake. They had similar interests but as people, they couldn’t be more different, thanks to the circumstances they grew up in. But they grew fond of each other. Sarah found it quite materialistic of Sunny to look at Life so objectively. She thought of Life without attachments to be mere existence. Sunny told Sarah that she exerts her heart too much and at times, one should approach life with the head.

Over a tea, Sunny told Sarah how limiting attachments can get. How much a short leash they can keep a person in! Sarah said “Even the Eagle which soars high above the rest of the birds and the clouds has to come back to its nest”.

On a Sunday morning, Sarah called up Sunny to tell him that she is getting married. Sunny was happy for her. Sarah couldn’t hold back her tears when she bid adieu to Sunny and left for Bangalore. She lamented about having to leave Bombay and to go to a place full of strangers. Sunny did not understand what was there to be so emotional about and neither did Sarah expect him to understand.

Over the years, they stayed in touch in spite of their hectic schedules and respective families to take care of. It was some day in the middle of the week that his phone rang. Sunny couldn’t recognize her voice initially. Then he broke in to a broad smile and a hearty laugh. The decided to meet up at the Dorabjee’s coffee shop over the weekend.

Sarah had changed completely – to the extent that Sunny wouldn’t have recognized her on a chance meeting. Sarah got up and hugged Sunny. “Someone has put on weight and added a bit of salt and pepper too”, exclaimed Sarah. Having ordered a coffee, Sarah said “Over the past 12 years, I have lived in 5 cities! Can you believe that? At times for his job and at times for mine. Now, you are my only friend from Bombay! I must give you credit for keeping in touch. You tell, how have you been?”

“I have fallen for Bombay, Sarah. I have neighbours whom I have known from our early days in Bombay. Shopkeepers around know my preferences. My kids went to the same school that they attended primary school in. My wife and I have lived in the same apartment since marriage. Bombay is home to me! So you have finally come back to Bombay for good. Is it Sarah?”

“Not at all! I can’t stay in Bombay for more than 2 weeks now. I am on a small stopover before my husband and I move to Delhi”, said Sarah.

Sunny smiled looking at the window which over looked a busy street. On the window, was etched “Time Changes, Waves Change and So do People”

Arun Babu.

Death knell to Orkut : Blog # 181

Death knell to Orkut

I was reading through an article which elucidated Google’s decision to log out of Orkut permanently.  Isn’t it the largest example of someone missing the bus in recent times? What is more surprising is that an Innovative giant like Google could not identify such a humongous opportunity!

Many of us began our parallel lives on the social media through Orkut. It still evokes nostalgia when you see that purple circle and a bunch of faces. The scrapbooks,  the albums and the testimonials are soon going to be a  thing of the past. As you login to Orkut one last time, let us look back to see what went wrong.

Orkut was an idea which was ahead of its times. But what is painful for Google is the fact that it was not decades ahead. It came prematurely only a couple of years earlier. We all know about first mover’s advantage but Orkut is the classic case of a first mover’s curse. No one expected Social media to bloom on this large a scale. Google was also caught napping on this new phase of growth that they were gifted with.

There are lessons to be learned from this debacle. To begin with, I think Google as an organization did not nurture this sprouting sapling well. They might have been busy tending to the Sequoias in their garden of innovation. What they failed to understand was the fact that the existing technologies which have grown to become giant sequoias have scaled their heights already. It was in the sapling that is Social media where the potential for enormous growth lay.

Also, when the portfolio becomes large as in the case of Google; it becomes quite a task to devote equal attention to all the tracks. De-risking by putting the eggs in different baskets is one thing and being able to nurture all the baskets equally, quite another thing. It doesn’t matter how huge a corporation you are. There are always competitors waiting in the wings to take off just when you slow down to take a breather.

The spectacular emergence of a competitor is what makes this missed opportunity so conspicuous. Facebook grew by multitudes of leaps and bounds during this time. The organization invested time and dedicated effort to the extent that it has almost attained network externality. Network externality in this context means a state where in a technology becomes so ubiquitous that the popularity of it drives its growth.

All these point towards the necessity of organizations to be agile and alert about the business environment. In the last few years, the rapidness with which defining changes occur around us has become quite frequent. These days, an enterprise might think it is off to take a short siesta but chances of it waking up as a Rip van winkle is quite high.

Having said that, even though we move on to better things, one can’t help but feel some fondness for Orkut. Log in one last time, go through your testimonials, archive your albums, read through the scrap book and give it a fitting adieu. As with other things in Life, let us retain the best memories from that time of life and move on.

Arun Babu

Path much traversed : Blog # 180

Path much traversed

 The rain having subsided and the morning slumber reluctantly leaving my droopy eyes, I went out to run some errands for my mother. Out of the blue, I got this urge to drive down some lanes which I used to frequent as a child. Quite often, we hear about the need to take the path less traversed. Today, I realized it is equally important that we revisit those paths which we used to frequent often in the past.

            To begin with, there is a rush of thoughts that hit you. One realizes how amazingly innocent one was. The biggest of worries which used to fret us once up on a time seems to be puny now. The largest of efforts which used to weigh us down earlier now seems so easy. One wishes to go back to those days when life was much simpler.

One also realizes how far one has come from those days. At times, it surprises you how kind Life has been to you. One feels blessed and thankful to have traveled far ahead of those lanes. Looking back now, one feels all the potholes and long winding curves along the way have made one a better voyager.

            At times, it also makes you ponder on the dreams once you had. It might so happen that you might not have gone as much ahead as you thought you would. Even then, walking down those familiar lanes instills in you a belief, an urge to strive again. One never knows what surprise a second attempt might bring you.

            In these little by lanes of life, one also comes across those people who used to walk along with you. Very few things in Life can be more joyous than reminiscing about those days with them. When you see them, you realize how kind they were in your times of need. It also makes you feel good when they think of you in the same way. It’s funny when you meet the people with whom you had a fight on these lanes. You feel grown up when they come up to you and have a laugh about it. If not, you feel sad for them having not grown up.The funniest is when one meets people whom one competed with on these very roads. One realizes the frivolousness of it for the lanes which you walked through might have been the same. But, now you know the destinations were not J.

It is surprising to learn that once up on a time, you thought your life cannot move on without visiting these lanes. Yet today, you realize how far you have walked away from them. The fondness is very much still there. But you are thankful that you walked away and visited the world outside of it.You are grateful to the world beyond for having educated you..

Arun Babu.

Collective Who? : Blog # 179

Collective Who?  

I have come to think of Collective responsibility as an Oxymoron. Look at the various instances that we come across. Whenever an accident occurs and if a mob gathers around, chances are that no one will help the person who met with the accident. Here everyone shifts the responsibility to the other person in the crowd.

Consider another situation.  A group of people is assigned a task without specifically telling them who is responsible for what task. They are told it is the collective responsibility of the group to get the job done. Add to this; let it be a group of members who are equal in all respects; where there is no hierarchy. Don’t be surprised if the task doesn’t get started at all. A very recent example being the EGoMs (Empowered Group of Ministers) that we used to have in the earlier government and which were dissolved last month.

I think the reason why the concept doesn’t work out mostly is due to our inherent need for ownership. The moment you state collective responsibility, there is a loss of individual accountability at some levels. The thinking goes on the lines of even if one doesn’t pull his/her weight; the other members will do it for this person. Eventually the social loafer in each one of us begin to come out more often than it would if the task were completely owned by a single person.

In a corporate environment, one hears about collective responsibility quite often. This happens especially in two situations; one in times of success and the other in times of failure. In times of success, as in other positive situations, people tend to be graceful. The credit is shared with the team and collective responsibility finds some definite meaning. It’s quite interesting though in situations of failure. The team which started off the project on the contract of collective responsibility now becomes a collective slugfest! People start attributing the wrongdoings to other members of the team. Then starts the allegations of who was supposed to take care of what task!

I think collective responsibility works in only two instances. First, when the ownership of smaller tasks is assigned to individuals and the larger job’s responsibility is that of the team. Second, when the task is intrinsically motivating which means people are doing the job for reasons other than those which can be measured. People have undertaken the said job for reasons that appeals to their noble emotions rather than a reward in cash or kind. For instance, a noble activity like the cause of charity. Here, people tend to look at the larger purpose and try to go above and beyond whatever is expected of them. Else, it gets reduced to just another set of words which sounds good.

Arun Babu

In the backyards of the beyond : Blog # 178

In the backyards of the beyond

        Last week, I travelled to this part of the world which I hadn’t imagined in my wildest dreams that I would visit one day. I stepped in to the scenic, lush green, pristine piece of Earth that is Uttarakhand. There is an old world charm about this place, uncorrupted by the ways of the modern world. It isn’t crowded, polluted or clogged with vehicles. The roads were long and winding, serenaded by monstrous mountains and huge pine trees.

            What struck me about the place was its deafening silence. I did not quite get used to this sound of silence. There was always this feeling that I was missing something. I felt I was in the backyards of the beyond; away and aloof from everything. I went out on a walk where I couldn’t find a person on the road even after a good 10 minutes of stroll. I found a fox cross my path only to be told by the guest house manager that tigers also came down at times. Seeing the horror on my face, he said “Nothing to worry, they are small tigers”. I couldn't fathom how it is a relief!

            I realized how much of an effect the surroundings have on one’s mindset and approach. I was lamenting about my commute back to Delhi and eventually to Chennai. I wondered if the hairpin filled roads would block my way and the people there said it is quite common and I can travel the next day. There was a sea of a difference in the way people looked at the concept of time. Generally, we all would like to reach a place before 11 if we want to reach there by 11. Here, people factored in various happenings like a tree falling or a truck breaking down right at the turn of a hairpin. Connectivity here is never taken for granted. Your cell phone can go on mute and the internet can blank out at will. They were more accustomed to these uncertainties.

            Another difference was the abundance of time people had in this part of the world; so much so that I began getting terribly bored. Being used to a life where one needs to compromise on sleep to catch up with the world, here I was with a surplus of time and completely caught unawares how to deal with it. I asked one of the professors in the college there as to what he does after work. He said “I reach home in 15 minutes after the class gets over by 5.  I have a cup of tea and relax. This being a remote place, there isn’t many TV channels that you can watch. Internet can also get sporadic. Add to that a power outage which is highly dependent on the weather.” So how do you pass time, I asked. He said that they went to a nearby town ship. On my way back, I saw the town ship he mentioned. A handful of shops and eateries was what the township was all about.

            I hadn’t got as much time to myself in the recent past with nothing to do and nowhere to go to. I slipped in to a bit of introspection and realized how important it is for me to be around people whom I hold close. Also, how easy it is to find some time for oneself and for those one cares about.

            We all fret about how we don’t find time in this fast paced world of ours. But when gifted with an hourglass full of time, many of us don’t know how to deal with it. At least I did not.

For all the foibles of the city, I was dying to get back to the hustle and bustle of it. It is good to get away to places like these once in a while. If not for anything, to realize how blessed with comforts most of our lives are.

Arun Babu

In Love with my Baggage : Blog # 177

In Love with my Baggage

                  By virtue of my profession of being a recruiter, I spend more days in a hotel room than my own rented house in Chennai. I have come to travel more in the last two years of my Life than I have travelled in         the whole of the quarter century of my Life! 

        I am not someone who has enjoyed travelling from quite early on. But now, a bit of wander lust has set in. There is an interesting thing about travelling. As much joy there is in seeing new places, when you are away for quite long, one looks for a hint of familiarity. This might be the reason why people prefer hotel chains to those that are standalone. Apart from the hotels, there is one constant companion for a wanderer. His/her baggage! My slice of familiarity is my American Tourister bag. 

             There is one more thing about travel. The smallest of discomforts can turn in to a major hassle. One such is tugging along the baggage where ever you go. In my case, I frequent most of the railway stations and airports. Quite often, one can’t help but feel like pulling along a bullock cart. Worse is the case when the baggage needs to be pushed around. One feels like a vegetable seller on wheels. 

              And enter, the four wheeled bag! I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. It just glides along ever so smooth. The effort required to move it around it near to zero. Moreover, it looks pleasant on the eyes too. Akin to that quote about friends, it chooses to glide beside you. Neither behind nor ahead, thanks to its wheel design.

            Coming back to the familiarity bit, Once I reach my hotel room, the sight of my baggage puts me at ease. The fact that there is something/someone that goes through the same journey lends me a sense of calm. Isn’t it the same with emotional baggage too? Even though we all love to shed our baggage, there is a sense of familiarity we develop towards our problems. We know how to deal with them. We know when they will crop up and how to pacify them.

            Some problems lend us a sort of identity too. We would have grown with them. They would have moulded us in more ways than one. There would have been times when they would have made us weak but only to emerge stronger. Over time, we learn to handle our baggage thereby becoming a better person. It is in a way true when they say our problems maketh us. 

             But yes, one needs to know when the baggage becomes a tad bit too heavy for comfort and hesitate not to shed the extra pound.

Arun Babu.  

Just another day : Blog # 176

Just another day ~ Say No to Smoking

     Gaurav woke up to the blaring alarm, a sound which he has come to hate the annoyance quotient of which comes second only to the sound which the auto rickshaws make when they try to overtake a speeding bus. As usual, he went to the balcony for his morning puff. His mother who was watering the garden looked up and wished him morning.

How I wish he quit this habit! How do I tell him how worried it makes me to see him smoke? What will happen to his health?

            Wanting to not be late to office two days in a row, Gaurav got dressed and went down to see his father sitting with the newspaper. “Dad, how is the new Government coming along?” He went near his father and quickly passed a glance through the business page. “Looks like this government means business! Come, let’s have breakfast”, his father said.

He is reeking of cigarettes! Where did he pick this habit from? I should have a chat with him. But then again, what do I tell him at this age?

              Gaurav couldn’t wait to get in to his car. He waited till the car got out of their street and opened a new pack. He lit one when he reached the signal. A school bus came and stopped next to him. He reminisced about those days. What fun it was! To study was a pain but then there were no responsibilities, no targets. Life was fun.

Hey all of you come here. Look what that uncle is doing. He looks so cool with a cigarette in his hand, doesn’t he? I can’t wait to smoke! But our teachers tell us it is the bad people who smoke! Does that uncle look like a bad person? And I have seen our teacher smoking in the bathroom! So it is not that bad a thing to do after all.

            Walking in to office, Gaurav met a few friends on the way. He went to his bay and started working on the ppt. which he was to present that day to his Boss. Once the finishing touches were done, he went in to his boss’ cabin.

Guys, isn’t it Gaurav’s birthday the coming week? What do we gift him? “Let’s get him an ashtray!” Akshaya said. “Yeah right! And please be there to gift him that sun sign mug when he gets sick!” Akshaya did not expect this reply from Madhav. Realizing he came across as rude, Madhav said “I am sorry Akshaya. The thing is we take this awful habit too lightly. Somehow it has gained acceptance in our social circles. We fail to look at how grave a situation this habit can land a person in”

            The presentation went quite well and Gaurav was happy. By evening, he made plans to go out with his friends for a movie. In the break when his friends went to buy snacks, he went for a puff. They came back and the movie resumed. Someone passed on a snack which used to be his favorite. He took a bite and realized that he did not like the taste of it. He asked his friend if it has gone stale. His friend said “Not at all. In fact, it tastes great!”

           Gaurav drove back home, had one last smoke and slept off.His cellphone lit up for a second. It was a Whatsapp message which read “To Sin is human. But to make others pay for your sins is evil”.

                                                                                                            Arun Babu.

Amma : Blog # 175

Amma

        The earliest vivid memory that I have of my mother is her asking me what Saree she should wear whenever we went out. I should have been in 1^st standard if I remember right. I always used to ask her to wear a particular Saree and I can’t remember a time when she did not oblige. But I also remember her asking me to put on a particular shirt and my refusal to do it time and again. To this day, the pattern continues. Coming to think of it now, little deeds like these show how much of a selfless relationship a mother has with her daughter/son. A mother gives and gives and gives!

            I believe if not for mothers, we never would have understood the concept of love in its wholeness. I can’t think of any other relationship which is completely devoid of ego. Whatever the circumstances and situations are, a mother’s first instinct is to love. It is not that the relationship doesn’t go through transience. One of my friend's sister says that she could see how her son is changing now that he has entered adolescence. He doesn’t have time to talk to her and if at all he talks, it is to argue. I am sure most of us can relate to this. We have all been through that phase. Have you ever stepped in to her shoes? The void that she would have felt when her son/daughter moved from being completely dependent on her to her struggling to find  a few minutes in a day to talk to him/her!

            I think the moment of truth comes when we finish college and move out of our homes to another city on work. It is then that it suddenly hits us. Now that friends are at different places and many of them who used to be around for day and night slowly drifting away, a new found solitude sets in. The realization sets in that this is exactly how our mothers would have felt. If one is sensitive enough, he/she takes efforts to make up for the lost time. And when it comes to mothers, it is never too late, isn’t it?

            My cousins and friends who are married say it is after they have a kid that they understand what being a mother means. They talk about how taxing and tiring it is and how still they can’t help feel happy to be a mother. Whenever my grandmother visits, my father asks her to cook one dish or the other for him and in spite of her age, she happily obliges. I ask my grandmother why and she says “For you, he is an old man. But for me, he is still my little son”. Doesn’t that sum up how a mother feels for her children all her life?

            I don’t think we can even attempt to love the way a mother does. All we can do is to try and respond to the warmth she exudes and be eternally grateful.

p.s. Amma,I can't thank God enough for your presence in my life. I try and express my love for you in more ways than one. But I know I haven't done enough and it will never be.

More often than not, a father’s love goes unacknowledged. More so, when it comes to the relationship that he shares with a son! So here goes; I love you dad J.

Lots of Love,

Arun

Of relationships & Life : Blog # 174

Of relationships & Life

Somebody asked me what will be that wish I would ask for if I am granted just one. I would wish for the ability to love as much as I am being loved. These days,the ability to love is like common sense – not common at all. In fact there are very few people who can love fellow beings in the true sense.

    Many a time, we look at our relationships as secondary. We tend to forget their importance in this ever transient life of ours. Coming to think of it, relationships are among the few constants in our life; the relationships that we have with friends, family and hopefully not foes J. Everything else in life doesn't stay till the end; education, job, success, failures et al are passing phases. But relationships stay with you from the first breath till the last.

It takes time and effort to nurture relationships and it is worth it and how. It is these relationships which lend the much needed charm to our lives. People who have moved across cities in their life would know. It is not the glitz and glamour of the city that makes it close to ones heart. It is neither the amenities that the city promises nor the ambiance it holds within which makes it loved. It is the people; it is the relationships which we build in a city that lends it a character in our minds. Amidst all the steel and glass, it is the relationships which lends the city its soul.

Of the few ways to find some semblance of this conundrum that is life, I think the most enjoyable one is to bond with a few fellow souls. All we have is some finite time on the face of earth. Wouldn't it be great if we have a handful of people who care about us? More importantly, whom we care about! We have come to a state in life where all we are concerned about is oneself. I read somewhere that if something else moves you other than self pity, consider yourself to be blessed! What a sad truth, isn't it?

Many a time we underestimate the fragility of relationships. The smallest of deeds can make or break a relationship. If one were to compare Life to music, relationships are the most difficult notes yet the most soothing ones.

It is said, In a relationship, there is always one person who loves more. All of us strive constantly to be not that person. Once in a while, it is ok to be that person. May be, there is happiness in being that person. How will one ever know if we don’t take the plunge in to the sea of relationship? At times, it can be a tempestuous one which will need us to sail against high tides and strong currents! But the serenity in between, resembling a cool breeze on a sultry summer day is worth sailing for.

And about the lack of time in our life these days, all we need to think about is that one might want to scale a summit alone but not many would want to celebrate a birthday in solitude.

Arun Babu.

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

        One of the benchmarks for wellbeing and social maturity of a society should be the way it treats its women. Going by that thought, the lesser said about our society, the better. It is time we brought respect and dignity to our women which they rightfully command.

         A large number of crimes against women that are happening in our society is due to the mindset of the perpetrators; the mindset that women are in some way inferior to men. It is this cancerous a thought that need to be uprooted. For this to be achieved, we need to put in efforts from an early stage.

To begin with, we should look at ways to establish respect for women as a deed that is not a choice but a habit. There can be one person who advocates this thought in every educational institution. Right from when a student clears his/her lower primary schooling (when they reach their 5^th Standard) one session which lasts one hour need to be conducted every month for those students.It can be called 'Equality Hour'. In these sessions, the person who anchors this initiative will educate the students about the role women play in our society. This will be done in very subtle yet innovative ways. For instance, showing them films in which women play pivotal roles, inviting women who have contributed to the society in any way to address the students, showing them videos of women achievers, et al. The idea is to get the students understand how women play as equally important a role as men in our country.

Once this pilot program succeeds, the idea can be extended to include taking students to witness women working in positions of power. For instance, the students will visit a Lady who is a district collector or a Police commissioner carrying out her duties efficiently. The intention here is for the boys to begin to accept women as equals and for the girls to envisage themselves in pivotal roles in the society.

The root of all evil is destructive thoughts and these thoughts arise and grow over time. If these thoughts are clipped early on in life, unwanted intentions will be eliminated and so will be the undesired acts. No amount of punishment is deterring people from indulging in heinous crimes against women. What is required is a change in mindset and this initiative is looking at achieving just that.

                                                                                                Arun Babu.