In the backyards of the beyond : Blog # 178

In the backyards of the beyond

        Last week, I travelled to this part of the world which I hadn’t imagined in my wildest dreams that I would visit one day. I stepped in to the scenic, lush green, pristine piece of Earth that is Uttarakhand. There is an old world charm about this place, uncorrupted by the ways of the modern world. It isn’t crowded, polluted or clogged with vehicles. The roads were long and winding, serenaded by monstrous mountains and huge pine trees.

            What struck me about the place was its deafening silence. I did not quite get used to this sound of silence. There was always this feeling that I was missing something. I felt I was in the backyards of the beyond; away and aloof from everything. I went out on a walk where I couldn’t find a person on the road even after a good 10 minutes of stroll. I found a fox cross my path only to be told by the guest house manager that tigers also came down at times. Seeing the horror on my face, he said “Nothing to worry, they are small tigers”. I couldn't fathom how it is a relief!

            I realized how much of an effect the surroundings have on one’s mindset and approach. I was lamenting about my commute back to Delhi and eventually to Chennai. I wondered if the hairpin filled roads would block my way and the people there said it is quite common and I can travel the next day. There was a sea of a difference in the way people looked at the concept of time. Generally, we all would like to reach a place before 11 if we want to reach there by 11. Here, people factored in various happenings like a tree falling or a truck breaking down right at the turn of a hairpin. Connectivity here is never taken for granted. Your cell phone can go on mute and the internet can blank out at will. They were more accustomed to these uncertainties.

            Another difference was the abundance of time people had in this part of the world; so much so that I began getting terribly bored. Being used to a life where one needs to compromise on sleep to catch up with the world, here I was with a surplus of time and completely caught unawares how to deal with it. I asked one of the professors in the college there as to what he does after work. He said “I reach home in 15 minutes after the class gets over by 5.  I have a cup of tea and relax. This being a remote place, there isn’t many TV channels that you can watch. Internet can also get sporadic. Add to that a power outage which is highly dependent on the weather.” So how do you pass time, I asked. He said that they went to a nearby town ship. On my way back, I saw the town ship he mentioned. A handful of shops and eateries was what the township was all about.

            I hadn’t got as much time to myself in the recent past with nothing to do and nowhere to go to. I slipped in to a bit of introspection and realized how important it is for me to be around people whom I hold close. Also, how easy it is to find some time for oneself and for those one cares about.

            We all fret about how we don’t find time in this fast paced world of ours. But when gifted with an hourglass full of time, many of us don’t know how to deal with it. At least I did not.

For all the foibles of the city, I was dying to get back to the hustle and bustle of it. It is good to get away to places like these once in a while. If not for anything, to realize how blessed with comforts most of our lives are.

Arun Babu

In Love with my Baggage : Blog # 177

In Love with my Baggage

                  By virtue of my profession of being a recruiter, I spend more days in a hotel room than my own rented house in Chennai. I have come to travel more in the last two years of my Life than I have travelled in         the whole of the quarter century of my Life! 

        I am not someone who has enjoyed travelling from quite early on. But now, a bit of wander lust has set in. There is an interesting thing about travelling. As much joy there is in seeing new places, when you are away for quite long, one looks for a hint of familiarity. This might be the reason why people prefer hotel chains to those that are standalone. Apart from the hotels, there is one constant companion for a wanderer. His/her baggage! My slice of familiarity is my American Tourister bag. 

             There is one more thing about travel. The smallest of discomforts can turn in to a major hassle. One such is tugging along the baggage where ever you go. In my case, I frequent most of the railway stations and airports. Quite often, one can’t help but feel like pulling along a bullock cart. Worse is the case when the baggage needs to be pushed around. One feels like a vegetable seller on wheels. 

              And enter, the four wheeled bag! I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. It just glides along ever so smooth. The effort required to move it around it near to zero. Moreover, it looks pleasant on the eyes too. Akin to that quote about friends, it chooses to glide beside you. Neither behind nor ahead, thanks to its wheel design.

            Coming back to the familiarity bit, Once I reach my hotel room, the sight of my baggage puts me at ease. The fact that there is something/someone that goes through the same journey lends me a sense of calm. Isn’t it the same with emotional baggage too? Even though we all love to shed our baggage, there is a sense of familiarity we develop towards our problems. We know how to deal with them. We know when they will crop up and how to pacify them.

            Some problems lend us a sort of identity too. We would have grown with them. They would have moulded us in more ways than one. There would have been times when they would have made us weak but only to emerge stronger. Over time, we learn to handle our baggage thereby becoming a better person. It is in a way true when they say our problems maketh us. 

             But yes, one needs to know when the baggage becomes a tad bit too heavy for comfort and hesitate not to shed the extra pound.

Arun Babu.  

Just another day : Blog # 176

Just another day ~ Say No to Smoking

     Gaurav woke up to the blaring alarm, a sound which he has come to hate the annoyance quotient of which comes second only to the sound which the auto rickshaws make when they try to overtake a speeding bus. As usual, he went to the balcony for his morning puff. His mother who was watering the garden looked up and wished him morning.

How I wish he quit this habit! How do I tell him how worried it makes me to see him smoke? What will happen to his health?

            Wanting to not be late to office two days in a row, Gaurav got dressed and went down to see his father sitting with the newspaper. “Dad, how is the new Government coming along?” He went near his father and quickly passed a glance through the business page. “Looks like this government means business! Come, let’s have breakfast”, his father said.

He is reeking of cigarettes! Where did he pick this habit from? I should have a chat with him. But then again, what do I tell him at this age?

              Gaurav couldn’t wait to get in to his car. He waited till the car got out of their street and opened a new pack. He lit one when he reached the signal. A school bus came and stopped next to him. He reminisced about those days. What fun it was! To study was a pain but then there were no responsibilities, no targets. Life was fun.

Hey all of you come here. Look what that uncle is doing. He looks so cool with a cigarette in his hand, doesn’t he? I can’t wait to smoke! But our teachers tell us it is the bad people who smoke! Does that uncle look like a bad person? And I have seen our teacher smoking in the bathroom! So it is not that bad a thing to do after all.

            Walking in to office, Gaurav met a few friends on the way. He went to his bay and started working on the ppt. which he was to present that day to his Boss. Once the finishing touches were done, he went in to his boss’ cabin.

Guys, isn’t it Gaurav’s birthday the coming week? What do we gift him? “Let’s get him an ashtray!” Akshaya said. “Yeah right! And please be there to gift him that sun sign mug when he gets sick!” Akshaya did not expect this reply from Madhav. Realizing he came across as rude, Madhav said “I am sorry Akshaya. The thing is we take this awful habit too lightly. Somehow it has gained acceptance in our social circles. We fail to look at how grave a situation this habit can land a person in”

            The presentation went quite well and Gaurav was happy. By evening, he made plans to go out with his friends for a movie. In the break when his friends went to buy snacks, he went for a puff. They came back and the movie resumed. Someone passed on a snack which used to be his favorite. He took a bite and realized that he did not like the taste of it. He asked his friend if it has gone stale. His friend said “Not at all. In fact, it tastes great!”

           Gaurav drove back home, had one last smoke and slept off.His cellphone lit up for a second. It was a Whatsapp message which read “To Sin is human. But to make others pay for your sins is evil”.

                                                                                                            Arun Babu.

Amma : Blog # 175

Amma

        The earliest vivid memory that I have of my mother is her asking me what Saree she should wear whenever we went out. I should have been in 1^st standard if I remember right. I always used to ask her to wear a particular Saree and I can’t remember a time when she did not oblige. But I also remember her asking me to put on a particular shirt and my refusal to do it time and again. To this day, the pattern continues. Coming to think of it now, little deeds like these show how much of a selfless relationship a mother has with her daughter/son. A mother gives and gives and gives!

            I believe if not for mothers, we never would have understood the concept of love in its wholeness. I can’t think of any other relationship which is completely devoid of ego. Whatever the circumstances and situations are, a mother’s first instinct is to love. It is not that the relationship doesn’t go through transience. One of my friend's sister says that she could see how her son is changing now that he has entered adolescence. He doesn’t have time to talk to her and if at all he talks, it is to argue. I am sure most of us can relate to this. We have all been through that phase. Have you ever stepped in to her shoes? The void that she would have felt when her son/daughter moved from being completely dependent on her to her struggling to find  a few minutes in a day to talk to him/her!

            I think the moment of truth comes when we finish college and move out of our homes to another city on work. It is then that it suddenly hits us. Now that friends are at different places and many of them who used to be around for day and night slowly drifting away, a new found solitude sets in. The realization sets in that this is exactly how our mothers would have felt. If one is sensitive enough, he/she takes efforts to make up for the lost time. And when it comes to mothers, it is never too late, isn’t it?

            My cousins and friends who are married say it is after they have a kid that they understand what being a mother means. They talk about how taxing and tiring it is and how still they can’t help feel happy to be a mother. Whenever my grandmother visits, my father asks her to cook one dish or the other for him and in spite of her age, she happily obliges. I ask my grandmother why and she says “For you, he is an old man. But for me, he is still my little son”. Doesn’t that sum up how a mother feels for her children all her life?

            I don’t think we can even attempt to love the way a mother does. All we can do is to try and respond to the warmth she exudes and be eternally grateful.

p.s. Amma,I can't thank God enough for your presence in my life. I try and express my love for you in more ways than one. But I know I haven't done enough and it will never be.

More often than not, a father’s love goes unacknowledged. More so, when it comes to the relationship that he shares with a son! So here goes; I love you dad J.

Lots of Love,

Arun

Of relationships & Life : Blog # 174

Of relationships & Life

Somebody asked me what will be that wish I would ask for if I am granted just one. I would wish for the ability to love as much as I am being loved. These days,the ability to love is like common sense – not common at all. In fact there are very few people who can love fellow beings in the true sense.

    Many a time, we look at our relationships as secondary. We tend to forget their importance in this ever transient life of ours. Coming to think of it, relationships are among the few constants in our life; the relationships that we have with friends, family and hopefully not foes J. Everything else in life doesn't stay till the end; education, job, success, failures et al are passing phases. But relationships stay with you from the first breath till the last.

It takes time and effort to nurture relationships and it is worth it and how. It is these relationships which lend the much needed charm to our lives. People who have moved across cities in their life would know. It is not the glitz and glamour of the city that makes it close to ones heart. It is neither the amenities that the city promises nor the ambiance it holds within which makes it loved. It is the people; it is the relationships which we build in a city that lends it a character in our minds. Amidst all the steel and glass, it is the relationships which lends the city its soul.

Of the few ways to find some semblance of this conundrum that is life, I think the most enjoyable one is to bond with a few fellow souls. All we have is some finite time on the face of earth. Wouldn't it be great if we have a handful of people who care about us? More importantly, whom we care about! We have come to a state in life where all we are concerned about is oneself. I read somewhere that if something else moves you other than self pity, consider yourself to be blessed! What a sad truth, isn't it?

Many a time we underestimate the fragility of relationships. The smallest of deeds can make or break a relationship. If one were to compare Life to music, relationships are the most difficult notes yet the most soothing ones.

It is said, In a relationship, there is always one person who loves more. All of us strive constantly to be not that person. Once in a while, it is ok to be that person. May be, there is happiness in being that person. How will one ever know if we don’t take the plunge in to the sea of relationship? At times, it can be a tempestuous one which will need us to sail against high tides and strong currents! But the serenity in between, resembling a cool breeze on a sultry summer day is worth sailing for.

And about the lack of time in our life these days, all we need to think about is that one might want to scale a summit alone but not many would want to celebrate a birthday in solitude.

Arun Babu.

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

        One of the benchmarks for wellbeing and social maturity of a society should be the way it treats its women. Going by that thought, the lesser said about our society, the better. It is time we brought respect and dignity to our women which they rightfully command.

         A large number of crimes against women that are happening in our society is due to the mindset of the perpetrators; the mindset that women are in some way inferior to men. It is this cancerous a thought that need to be uprooted. For this to be achieved, we need to put in efforts from an early stage.

To begin with, we should look at ways to establish respect for women as a deed that is not a choice but a habit. There can be one person who advocates this thought in every educational institution. Right from when a student clears his/her lower primary schooling (when they reach their 5^th Standard) one session which lasts one hour need to be conducted every month for those students.It can be called 'Equality Hour'. In these sessions, the person who anchors this initiative will educate the students about the role women play in our society. This will be done in very subtle yet innovative ways. For instance, showing them films in which women play pivotal roles, inviting women who have contributed to the society in any way to address the students, showing them videos of women achievers, et al. The idea is to get the students understand how women play as equally important a role as men in our country.

Once this pilot program succeeds, the idea can be extended to include taking students to witness women working in positions of power. For instance, the students will visit a Lady who is a district collector or a Police commissioner carrying out her duties efficiently. The intention here is for the boys to begin to accept women as equals and for the girls to envisage themselves in pivotal roles in the society.

The root of all evil is destructive thoughts and these thoughts arise and grow over time. If these thoughts are clipped early on in life, unwanted intentions will be eliminated and so will be the undesired acts. No amount of punishment is deterring people from indulging in heinous crimes against women. What is required is a change in mindset and this initiative is looking at achieving just that.

                                                                                                Arun Babu.

Of Godmen, G.D.P & Maslow : Blog # 173

Of Godmen, G.D.P & Maslow

         A strange line of thought sprang up during the evening tea. Does the rise of middle class have anything to do with the flourishing Godmen and their sprawling businesses? I think it does.

Much has been written about the emergence of great Indian middle class. It has far reaching consequences in a many a fields that impact our lives. It is the reason why multinational retailers are dying to open their stores in India. If there is a reason for universities to flourish like cocoons, this is it. If automobile sales are skyrocketing in our country when it is slowing down across the globe, you don’t need to think far from this thread.

         To try and understand as to how the emerging middle class and Godmen are connected, let us explore a concept called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the field of Human Resources management. In a nutshell, Maslow says at different stages of life, different things motivate people. The initial stages of hierarchy are the basic needs – physiological, safety and social. Then comes need for self-esteem and then eventually, self-actualization. If the initial needs are met, then in order for a person to be content,the higher needs of the hierarchy need to be appealed to.

          As a result of the surge in the economic growth in the last couple of years, a large population of the country has moved in to the middle class who has purchasing power. This means that a considerable population has fulfilled the initial needs. To put things in perspective quite literally, these are people who has a house, a job and has time to sit on the balcony with a cup of tea and fret about the finer things in life. Having found that time, one begins to feel a void – a sense of not feeling complete and thereby a lack of contentment.

            It is here that the Godmen/women have found their opportunity. It is exactly the two upper strata of the Maslow’s hierarchy that they appeal to. I talked to a couple of friends who follow some Godmen or the other. Most of them said that they are seeking two things 1. To figure out a way to feel good and 2. To understand the larger meaning of life. What else is self-esteem and self-actualization but these?

         I wonder if any other group of people would have benefitted as much from the economic growth as the Godmen have without as much as lifting a finger.

p.s.  I still would like to believe that there are some spiritual leaders who are genuinely striving towards leading the human race to the greatness that awaits it. 

Arun Babu

See you at the movies? : Blog # 172

See you at the movies?

        Have you noticed that that many of us go for movies much more than we did about 5 years ago? All you need to do is to look at the number of films becoming profitable these days or how the trend of cinema theatres becoming convention centres or marriage halls have come down considerably. I am not talking only about the 100 Crore club. There are many good films which are reaping in multiples of their production cost.

       The emergence of multiplexes is one reason. Those comfy seats, better air conditioning, good food, convenient show timings – all of these would have contributed to larger number of people going to theatres. But I think at the core of it is the fact that better movies are made these days. Movies these days are no more purely escapist in their themes. They might be aspirational but not completely out of touch with reality. Add to this, they have become more relatable. No more does the hero depict a superhuman nor is the heroin, an epitome of virtue.

         Another reason is the fact that movies these days take care to appeal to all kind of audiences. Earlier if the heroines were serenaded in chiffon sarees in pouring rains, these days the cameras drool over heroes’ six packs as well and mind you, this is by design and not by accident.

Coming to think about it, going for a movie is the last of the things which are yet to become ‘private’. By private, I mean it is among the very few things which we still do as a social activity. The only things which we do as a social group these days have come down to weddings and religious gatherings.

What I love the most about going to a theatre is the fact that it is one of the few places which manages to retain our attention for a full two hours. We might go to a public park but only to stare at our cell phones. We might go on a stroll with a group of friends only to be deafened by music plugged in to our ears. Look around and you can see that each and every one of us is distracted by one gadget or the other. Be it in a bus, an office or even in a place of worship. But in a theatre, we keep the cell phones firmly in the pockets.

I hope the theatres grow in popularity if not for anything else, at least to remind us that there is more to Life than the pings and blinks of gadgets.

Arun Babu.

Keywords: Indian Cinema,Bollywood,Hindi Films, Indian films, Indian movies, Indian film industry, Indian actors, Indian actresses,100 years of Indian Cinema

            

An Ode to Serenity Prayer : Blog # 171

An Ode to Serenity Prayer

          Many of us pray, don’t we? We all have varied reasons for saying our prayers. For some, it’s out of fear; for some, it’s out of reverence and for many amongst us, it’s out of sheer habit. Having been exposed to varied forms of prayers (thanks to my schooling under varied religious trusts), I have noticed a couple of things. Mostly, a prayer is a note of thanks to a higher power. Many a time, it is asking for forgiveness and it also becomes an earnest supplication for protection at times.

            Since prayer largely concerns our ‘self’, we tend to lack objectivity. This is the reason why we commit the gravest of sins and have the audacity to ask for forgiveness. This is why we reach out to the higher power only in times of need and conveniently forget otherwise. This serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr that I came across made a lot of sense and I think that objectivity is what makes it so unique and universal.

It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

            This prayer addresses our world and thus our lives in to two – that which can be changed and that which cannot be. Through my eyes, I see it as a prayer to help us to do away with the feeling of ‘regret’ in our lives. I look at ‘regret’ as cancer to spirit of our soul.

We regret about things that could have been done differently. Do not mistake regret with repentance. There is learning involved in repenting because in that state, we learn from our mistakes and thus strive to become better beings. In ‘regretting’, all we are doing is putting ourselves in to misery due to an occurrence from the past which cannot be undone. These are among things that we cannot change.

In the second line, again it implores for power to not get in to the downward spiral of regret is what I feel. It asks for the strength of mind to go ahead and do things which one is capable of. It implores within to make a difference in the lives of one self and of others. It asks for courage to not hold back when one is capable of doing something noble. Largely, we are asking to be blessed with contentment when we look back in Life.

It is said we worry mostly about the eventualities that never happen in reality. We think in our own mind about things that could go wrong and the repercussions there of. We should know what is worth fretting about and what’s not. Hence the need for wisdom to know the difference between both.

Don’t you think these three lines of prayer embody our journey of Life in itself?

Arun Babu

The dreaded 10 Questions! : Blog # 170

The dreaded 10 Questions!

        Let me start off this post with a pre- emptive bail. This post might turn out to be a bit of hypocrisy. The reason being the questions that I am going to list down is what I ask for earning my brown bread and whipped butterJ. These are the thoughts which run through a recruiter’s mind when they ask you these questions!

How are you doing?

When a candidate walks in, I wish him/her. Then they ask me the question listed above. I tell them “I am good. How are you?”. Then they go “I am good too. How are you?” Then I am like “Dude, that’s what I said in the beginning. I am GOOD! This is an interview. Pay attention.” (of course in my mind!)

Are you nervous?

I usually ask this question when a candidate make the first question in to an unending loop. Most of them say that they are not nervous. But there was one person who asked me “Are you?”. I thought in my head “Why the hell would I be nervous? You are the one who needs a job!”

Tell me about yourself

Now this one is hated by both the people sitting across the table. The recruiter hates it because of 2 reasons. One, most people have no clue who they are. Two, some people just wouldn’t stop when asked this question.  Things like the pet dog’s name and your pet name aren’t exactly the things we are looking for in the answer!

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

For the love of God, everyone can’t be Amir Khan. Being a perfectionist cannot be everyone’s weakness! Yeah, you read that right. People list it as their weakness! And strength, “I am a good team player”. Ok then I say, tell me about your team. “Oh don’t ask me. There is too much of politics to the extent that even I have stopped working properly!”. There goes our candidate’s “strength”!

Where do you find yourself five years from now?

Some go on to say “I will be a Vice President in your company and in worst cases, CEO of your company!”. In my head, I am thinking; for heaven’s sake, give me a break and God save my company if you become the CEO!

Are you happy in your current job?

There are people who go on to bitch about their current company to the

extent that makes me cringe. I am thinking what is the guarantee that you won’t do the same to my company in your next interview?

You think you will be happy in your new job if you get it?

Yes, I will be extremely happy. I will be the happiest person on earth. I am thinking dude this is not an interview for Disney world!

What is your salary expectation?

This one is particularly hilarious. There are people who ask for 100%-200% hike. I have half a mind to tell them that you seriously think you will be paid more than your second level manager???

How long will you stay with my company?

“I will not leave this company, ever! This is my dream company.” Yeah right! This is the reason why you have not stayed with the last 3 companies for more than 3 years!

 When can I know the result?

Now, here I am turning the table a bit. This question is usually asked to the interviewer.  The interviewer goes “We shall get back to you in two weeks time”. The interviewee asks does that mean I am selected?. We go “The status will be informed to you in two weeks time.” But you can tell me if I am selected or not right? In some cases,I want to scream“It is considered in appropriate to tell a person that you have failed miserably in the interview and with your credentials, I don’t see you clearing any interview for a very very long time”(of course in my mind).

So the next time you go for an interview,forget about these tried and tired answers.Be yourself. Believe me, it's refreshingly relieving for both people sitting across the table :)

This post is written for Indispire