Of relationships & Life : Blog # 174

Of relationships & Life

Somebody asked me what will be that wish I would ask for if I am granted just one. I would wish for the ability to love as much as I am being loved. These days,the ability to love is like common sense – not common at all. In fact there are very few people who can love fellow beings in the true sense.

    Many a time, we look at our relationships as secondary. We tend to forget their importance in this ever transient life of ours. Coming to think of it, relationships are among the few constants in our life; the relationships that we have with friends, family and hopefully not foes J. Everything else in life doesn't stay till the end; education, job, success, failures et al are passing phases. But relationships stay with you from the first breath till the last.

It takes time and effort to nurture relationships and it is worth it and how. It is these relationships which lend the much needed charm to our lives. People who have moved across cities in their life would know. It is not the glitz and glamour of the city that makes it close to ones heart. It is neither the amenities that the city promises nor the ambiance it holds within which makes it loved. It is the people; it is the relationships which we build in a city that lends it a character in our minds. Amidst all the steel and glass, it is the relationships which lends the city its soul.

Of the few ways to find some semblance of this conundrum that is life, I think the most enjoyable one is to bond with a few fellow souls. All we have is some finite time on the face of earth. Wouldn't it be great if we have a handful of people who care about us? More importantly, whom we care about! We have come to a state in life where all we are concerned about is oneself. I read somewhere that if something else moves you other than self pity, consider yourself to be blessed! What a sad truth, isn't it?

Many a time we underestimate the fragility of relationships. The smallest of deeds can make or break a relationship. If one were to compare Life to music, relationships are the most difficult notes yet the most soothing ones.

It is said, In a relationship, there is always one person who loves more. All of us strive constantly to be not that person. Once in a while, it is ok to be that person. May be, there is happiness in being that person. How will one ever know if we don’t take the plunge in to the sea of relationship? At times, it can be a tempestuous one which will need us to sail against high tides and strong currents! But the serenity in between, resembling a cool breeze on a sultry summer day is worth sailing for.

And about the lack of time in our life these days, all we need to think about is that one might want to scale a summit alone but not many would want to celebrate a birthday in solitude.

Arun Babu.

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

        One of the benchmarks for wellbeing and social maturity of a society should be the way it treats its women. Going by that thought, the lesser said about our society, the better. It is time we brought respect and dignity to our women which they rightfully command.

         A large number of crimes against women that are happening in our society is due to the mindset of the perpetrators; the mindset that women are in some way inferior to men. It is this cancerous a thought that need to be uprooted. For this to be achieved, we need to put in efforts from an early stage.

To begin with, we should look at ways to establish respect for women as a deed that is not a choice but a habit. There can be one person who advocates this thought in every educational institution. Right from when a student clears his/her lower primary schooling (when they reach their 5^th Standard) one session which lasts one hour need to be conducted every month for those students.It can be called 'Equality Hour'. In these sessions, the person who anchors this initiative will educate the students about the role women play in our society. This will be done in very subtle yet innovative ways. For instance, showing them films in which women play pivotal roles, inviting women who have contributed to the society in any way to address the students, showing them videos of women achievers, et al. The idea is to get the students understand how women play as equally important a role as men in our country.

Once this pilot program succeeds, the idea can be extended to include taking students to witness women working in positions of power. For instance, the students will visit a Lady who is a district collector or a Police commissioner carrying out her duties efficiently. The intention here is for the boys to begin to accept women as equals and for the girls to envisage themselves in pivotal roles in the society.

The root of all evil is destructive thoughts and these thoughts arise and grow over time. If these thoughts are clipped early on in life, unwanted intentions will be eliminated and so will be the undesired acts. No amount of punishment is deterring people from indulging in heinous crimes against women. What is required is a change in mindset and this initiative is looking at achieving just that.

                                                                                                Arun Babu.

Of Godmen, G.D.P & Maslow : Blog # 173

Of Godmen, G.D.P & Maslow

         A strange line of thought sprang up during the evening tea. Does the rise of middle class have anything to do with the flourishing Godmen and their sprawling businesses? I think it does.

Much has been written about the emergence of great Indian middle class. It has far reaching consequences in a many a fields that impact our lives. It is the reason why multinational retailers are dying to open their stores in India. If there is a reason for universities to flourish like cocoons, this is it. If automobile sales are skyrocketing in our country when it is slowing down across the globe, you don’t need to think far from this thread.

         To try and understand as to how the emerging middle class and Godmen are connected, let us explore a concept called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the field of Human Resources management. In a nutshell, Maslow says at different stages of life, different things motivate people. The initial stages of hierarchy are the basic needs – physiological, safety and social. Then comes need for self-esteem and then eventually, self-actualization. If the initial needs are met, then in order for a person to be content,the higher needs of the hierarchy need to be appealed to.

          As a result of the surge in the economic growth in the last couple of years, a large population of the country has moved in to the middle class who has purchasing power. This means that a considerable population has fulfilled the initial needs. To put things in perspective quite literally, these are people who has a house, a job and has time to sit on the balcony with a cup of tea and fret about the finer things in life. Having found that time, one begins to feel a void – a sense of not feeling complete and thereby a lack of contentment.

            It is here that the Godmen/women have found their opportunity. It is exactly the two upper strata of the Maslow’s hierarchy that they appeal to. I talked to a couple of friends who follow some Godmen or the other. Most of them said that they are seeking two things 1. To figure out a way to feel good and 2. To understand the larger meaning of life. What else is self-esteem and self-actualization but these?

         I wonder if any other group of people would have benefitted as much from the economic growth as the Godmen have without as much as lifting a finger.

p.s.  I still would like to believe that there are some spiritual leaders who are genuinely striving towards leading the human race to the greatness that awaits it. 

Arun Babu

See you at the movies? : Blog # 172

See you at the movies?

        Have you noticed that that many of us go for movies much more than we did about 5 years ago? All you need to do is to look at the number of films becoming profitable these days or how the trend of cinema theatres becoming convention centres or marriage halls have come down considerably. I am not talking only about the 100 Crore club. There are many good films which are reaping in multiples of their production cost.

       The emergence of multiplexes is one reason. Those comfy seats, better air conditioning, good food, convenient show timings – all of these would have contributed to larger number of people going to theatres. But I think at the core of it is the fact that better movies are made these days. Movies these days are no more purely escapist in their themes. They might be aspirational but not completely out of touch with reality. Add to this, they have become more relatable. No more does the hero depict a superhuman nor is the heroin, an epitome of virtue.

         Another reason is the fact that movies these days take care to appeal to all kind of audiences. Earlier if the heroines were serenaded in chiffon sarees in pouring rains, these days the cameras drool over heroes’ six packs as well and mind you, this is by design and not by accident.

Coming to think about it, going for a movie is the last of the things which are yet to become ‘private’. By private, I mean it is among the very few things which we still do as a social activity. The only things which we do as a social group these days have come down to weddings and religious gatherings.

What I love the most about going to a theatre is the fact that it is one of the few places which manages to retain our attention for a full two hours. We might go to a public park but only to stare at our cell phones. We might go on a stroll with a group of friends only to be deafened by music plugged in to our ears. Look around and you can see that each and every one of us is distracted by one gadget or the other. Be it in a bus, an office or even in a place of worship. But in a theatre, we keep the cell phones firmly in the pockets.

I hope the theatres grow in popularity if not for anything else, at least to remind us that there is more to Life than the pings and blinks of gadgets.

Arun Babu.

Keywords: Indian Cinema,Bollywood,Hindi Films, Indian films, Indian movies, Indian film industry, Indian actors, Indian actresses,100 years of Indian Cinema

            

An Ode to Serenity Prayer : Blog # 171

An Ode to Serenity Prayer

          Many of us pray, don’t we? We all have varied reasons for saying our prayers. For some, it’s out of fear; for some, it’s out of reverence and for many amongst us, it’s out of sheer habit. Having been exposed to varied forms of prayers (thanks to my schooling under varied religious trusts), I have noticed a couple of things. Mostly, a prayer is a note of thanks to a higher power. Many a time, it is asking for forgiveness and it also becomes an earnest supplication for protection at times.

            Since prayer largely concerns our ‘self’, we tend to lack objectivity. This is the reason why we commit the gravest of sins and have the audacity to ask for forgiveness. This is why we reach out to the higher power only in times of need and conveniently forget otherwise. This serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr that I came across made a lot of sense and I think that objectivity is what makes it so unique and universal.

It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

            This prayer addresses our world and thus our lives in to two – that which can be changed and that which cannot be. Through my eyes, I see it as a prayer to help us to do away with the feeling of ‘regret’ in our lives. I look at ‘regret’ as cancer to spirit of our soul.

We regret about things that could have been done differently. Do not mistake regret with repentance. There is learning involved in repenting because in that state, we learn from our mistakes and thus strive to become better beings. In ‘regretting’, all we are doing is putting ourselves in to misery due to an occurrence from the past which cannot be undone. These are among things that we cannot change.

In the second line, again it implores for power to not get in to the downward spiral of regret is what I feel. It asks for the strength of mind to go ahead and do things which one is capable of. It implores within to make a difference in the lives of one self and of others. It asks for courage to not hold back when one is capable of doing something noble. Largely, we are asking to be blessed with contentment when we look back in Life.

It is said we worry mostly about the eventualities that never happen in reality. We think in our own mind about things that could go wrong and the repercussions there of. We should know what is worth fretting about and what’s not. Hence the need for wisdom to know the difference between both.

Don’t you think these three lines of prayer embody our journey of Life in itself?

Arun Babu

The dreaded 10 Questions! : Blog # 170

The dreaded 10 Questions!

        Let me start off this post with a pre- emptive bail. This post might turn out to be a bit of hypocrisy. The reason being the questions that I am going to list down is what I ask for earning my brown bread and whipped butterJ. These are the thoughts which run through a recruiter’s mind when they ask you these questions!

How are you doing?

When a candidate walks in, I wish him/her. Then they ask me the question listed above. I tell them “I am good. How are you?”. Then they go “I am good too. How are you?” Then I am like “Dude, that’s what I said in the beginning. I am GOOD! This is an interview. Pay attention.” (of course in my mind!)

Are you nervous?

I usually ask this question when a candidate make the first question in to an unending loop. Most of them say that they are not nervous. But there was one person who asked me “Are you?”. I thought in my head “Why the hell would I be nervous? You are the one who needs a job!”

Tell me about yourself

Now this one is hated by both the people sitting across the table. The recruiter hates it because of 2 reasons. One, most people have no clue who they are. Two, some people just wouldn’t stop when asked this question.  Things like the pet dog’s name and your pet name aren’t exactly the things we are looking for in the answer!

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

For the love of God, everyone can’t be Amir Khan. Being a perfectionist cannot be everyone’s weakness! Yeah, you read that right. People list it as their weakness! And strength, “I am a good team player”. Ok then I say, tell me about your team. “Oh don’t ask me. There is too much of politics to the extent that even I have stopped working properly!”. There goes our candidate’s “strength”!

Where do you find yourself five years from now?

Some go on to say “I will be a Vice President in your company and in worst cases, CEO of your company!”. In my head, I am thinking; for heaven’s sake, give me a break and God save my company if you become the CEO!

Are you happy in your current job?

There are people who go on to bitch about their current company to the

extent that makes me cringe. I am thinking what is the guarantee that you won’t do the same to my company in your next interview?

You think you will be happy in your new job if you get it?

Yes, I will be extremely happy. I will be the happiest person on earth. I am thinking dude this is not an interview for Disney world!

What is your salary expectation?

This one is particularly hilarious. There are people who ask for 100%-200% hike. I have half a mind to tell them that you seriously think you will be paid more than your second level manager???

How long will you stay with my company?

“I will not leave this company, ever! This is my dream company.” Yeah right! This is the reason why you have not stayed with the last 3 companies for more than 3 years!

 When can I know the result?

Now, here I am turning the table a bit. This question is usually asked to the interviewer.  The interviewer goes “We shall get back to you in two weeks time”. The interviewee asks does that mean I am selected?. We go “The status will be informed to you in two weeks time.” But you can tell me if I am selected or not right? In some cases,I want to scream“It is considered in appropriate to tell a person that you have failed miserably in the interview and with your credentials, I don’t see you clearing any interview for a very very long time”(of course in my mind).

So the next time you go for an interview,forget about these tried and tired answers.Be yourself. Believe me, it's refreshingly relieving for both people sitting across the table :)

This post is written for Indispire                                                                                                                                                                    

Dare you become a politician? : Blog # 169

Dare you become a Politician?

Politicians are one class of people who get abused by one and all. Those among us who shy away from speaking ill of others also don’t stop throwing dirt at them unabashedly. Let me try and play a devil’s advocate for once in favor of the politicians.

To begin with, the allegations of corruption against them! How many of us can vouch with utmost conviction that given that kind of an opportunity and access as given to politicians, you won’t get corrupted? Many a theory surrounding human behavior has proved time and again that in an unsupervised environment, we humans tend to behave in a way that benefits self often at the cost of the welfare of others. We must accept the fact that politicians are nothing but a slice of the demography that we are. If many of them are corrupt, it speaks volumes about us as a society. What should be done is to make changes in the system – make it less susceptible to corruption. For instance, what IT has done to many government projects. Red tape has come down and bribery is almost gone, thanks to the transparency and empowerment that IT lends to the system. Another solution is to increase the remuneration of our politicians. Come to think of it, a high ranking politician in the system earns just about the same as an MBA with 5 years of experience. And this designation comes to the politician, after a lifetime of toil.

Many a time, we ridicule politicians as a bunch of fools. Here, we are forgetting two facts. One, the number of politicians around you is countable. There is some merit to this exclusive lot of people. It is not easy getting to the elected positions where they have reached. Getting 100 followers on twitter is a challenge. Imagine getting lakhs of people to believe in your ideals and to vote for you! The second fact is that there are people who are high achievers in the political spectrum too. There are people who are extremely driven and hardworking. There are politicians who really care about the well being of people. It is unreasonable on our part to expect the same kind of dedication from every single politician. Again, being a politician is a job, it is a career choice. Don’t you have both kinds of colleagues – those who are extremely talented and those who has just as much intellect as a tadpole? Same is the case with the fraternity of politicians. There are good and bad people. We shouldn't pass a blanked judgment on the class of politicians.

The third and last argument in favor of politicians is the sacrifices they make. You can go on and on about the privileges that they enjoy. But let’s face it. Being accountable to a large constituency of people is no easy job. It is a 24*7*365 job, add to that the constant media scrutiny. Imagine yourself working under such an environment. Most of us can barely put up with being glared down by a manager and some of us can’t even be responsible towards our own family. Don’t you think we should cut some slack to the political beings?

Let me conclude my case by asking you a question. Given a chance, how many of you will wholeheartedly give up a peaceful Life which allows you the freedom to crib and become a politician? If you find yourself thinking even after a couple of minutes, it is time you started giving some much deserved respect to political class.

Arun Babu. 

Humility @ 10,000 feet ~ Joy of Flying: Blog # 168

Humility @ 10,000 Feet ~ Joy of Flying 

           Flying is a great feeling, isn’t it? It gives you a high, quite literally ;). These days, it is one of those rare times when you are devoid of the clutter and chatter of internet. Unless you choose the windows of your laptop over the ones on your side, you can gift yourself with a much needed solitude and thus a bit of introspection.

            Looking down the window, the first thought that occupies you is how puny and immaterial one is as far as the world is concerned. One realizes how small even the biggest of mansions look from up above the world. The high rising compound walls which gives a false sense of security on the ground looks like a thin line from the top. The boundaries of states that we so grudgingly fight for, begin to blur and ceases to matter. It is true that when people say, you need to see it to believe it. At that altitude, the idea of oneness finds much more acceptance than any preaching will ever get.

            Nature is at its magnificent best when seen from above. Much of it goes unseen at our dwarfed line of sight. The mighty rivers and the Ocean, the extent of which refuses to relent to our eyeballs from the ground manifests in their entirety and add to the picturesque canvas. One comes to realize how ugly a barren land looks without trees. The mountains which intimidate us by their size and scale are reduced to humble rocks if not pebbles.But none of it comes even close in comparison to the beauty of night. It’s like diamonds strewn over; sparkling and radiant.

            I envy the artist who dictate the clouds their form and shape day after day. From the ground, one feels clouds are the highest one can aspire for. On flight, one realizes there is a world above clouds. I felt it is much like the goals we set for ourselves. We think those goals are the highest we will ever reach. Once we attain them, we realize there is miles more to soar. All one needs to do is to let the imagination and will wander freely and discover the higher strata.

            The aircraft itself which soars so high, above and beyond all of the earthly beings leaves only a small shadow on the ground. Little wonder, people who have attained pinnacles of excellence in their lives remain so humble and grounded for they know the footprint they leave behind is too small in the scheme of things of this mighty universe.

Arun Babu.

Sound of Music : Blog # 167

Sound of Music

        I am not a music aficionado in the real sense of the word. I cannot identify which raga a song belongs to. I can’t even tell which singer has sung a particular song. Yet I am so in love with music that I can’t think of a world without its presence!

            Can you imagine a life where you don’t have melodies to hum along with; a rock number to tap your foot to; a melancholy filled duet to shed a tear for? How bland life can become! Our life will become similar to an enduring commute with nothing but deafening silence to keep company.

            Listen to ‘O Fortuna’ from ‘Carmina Burana’. You would be left with no choice but to agree that there isn't an easier motivational tool than music. Music can uplift our spirits and senses to stratospherically high levels in almost no time at all.

            In our country, music has a very strong cultural influence too. We have music to wake us up to a great day. There is soothing music which ensures sound sleep too.  Music is omnipresent in every moment in between a dawn and dusk. Our prayers are strongly influenced by music. All of life’s important functions are dictated by music. What will a wedding without music will feel like? For that matter, each of our festivals has their own music. If not for those folk songs, how would have our tales from yore and thereby the ethos of our culture traversed across generations?

            Come to think of it, music is one of those entities that have the ability to transcend boundaries and connect the mankind beyond all synthetic divisions. What else could explain the pan – Global appeal of Gangnam style? If you think it is those horse riding steps and the jumping around that alone did the trick, I refuse to agree. There was something in that music which people found quite interesting and thus lead to it becoming a global rage.

All of us have a favourite film, don’t we? Try watching it minus the songs or even on mute for that matter. There will be a visible drop in the whole experience. The background score plays a huge role in lending life to the voices uttered on screen. Even there are some Ads which don’t have any dialogues at all yet leaves us with a lasting memory. It’s just music from beginning to end. Remember the Titan Ad?           

            There is something about music which touches the human soul. How else would you explain a rebellious kid crying out its lungs going to blissful sleep at the hint of a lullaby?

Arun Babu.

Why we break Queues! : Blog # 166

Why we break Queues!

        I was wondering the other day as to why as we as a nation are mostly a bunch of restless people. What makes us so fiercely competitive in a negative way? For instance, we are not really awkward or bothered while breaking a queue. It doesn't make us cringe to throw a towel and make a seat our own in a bus or train. We don’t shy away from rushing past others and getting an airport trolley even if that meant one has to bypass an elderly person. And these are things which are taught to us very early in Life. May be not exactly in such clear terms but the understanding that waiting for your turn might not be the best of ideas in ingrained in us right from childhood.

            Coming to think of it, it appears that these behaviors have got a lot to do with our lack of infrastructure. Over a period we come to understand that if one doesn’t sprang up on an opportunity at the word go, someone else might grab it. Look at our public transport system. The supply here rarely meets the demand especially at the peak hours. Worse are our schools and colleges. However high a student scores, the educational institutions in our major cities fail to accommodate them. The unrealistic cutoffs are not something to be proud of. More so,when the evaluation has more to do with the student’s ability to memorize than his/her ability to apply the knowledge. We should be able to address this issue at least till a graduation level.

            We have come to a situation where when you see adequate infrastructure, we tend to look at it as extravagance! The day we stop looking at infrastructure as an expense, we will see growth in the real sense of the word. It’s like an investment which matures and delivers returns over a period of time. But once it breaks even, it is akin to an Oil field.

       When we pride ourselves as one of the youngest nations in the world, what we conveniently forget is the magnitude of our population. To put things in perspective, Delhi airport handles as much crowd annually as the population of the continent of Australia itself! That shows the size and scale of things at our country and the necessity of having good or at least adequate infrastructure. Roads clogged incessantly by traffic and trains running packed to the rafters are daily indicators of this.

            Rome cannot be built in a day. But I think it is easier to build Rome than expecting people not to break queues and teaching them to be civil!

                                                                                                                        Arun Babu. 

Nothing Like Success : Blog # 165

Nothing Like Success!!!  

    

All of us crave for success. Through my eyes, I can see only two kinds of people who don’t have an urge to succeed. One group who have renounced all the worldly pleasures. The other, those who haven’t got a taste of it yet; for success is like that elusive elixir of which once known the taste of, cannot be given up with ease.

            I was watching a movie and a pattern struck me. Most of the popular films celebrate people who are not successful. People who are successful are mostly portrayed as either nerds or evil or as narcissists.   

Success doesn’t come by easily. It doesn’t call on everyone too. It not only requires one’s dedicated efforts but the nature should conspire for one tooJ. I think we are always biased towards these who have not seen success. And the reason, the plain fact that it is much easier to relate to them. Since the successful kind is such an exclusive lot, people react to them in various ways.

            To begin with, most of us try to avoid them. We refrain from acknowledging the fact that a person is successful. We play it down. We refuse to give them credit. One reason might be the fact that coming in to contact with them and acknowledging their success remind us of our own lack of it which many of us aren’t comfortable with.

            Another approach is to compare it with other areas of their life. That person is successful, but look at his/her family! He/ She couldn’t sustain the marriage and it goes on and on. We look at the pricky leaves and the thorns of the plant and fail to see the rose in full bloom amidst it.

            We find comfort in the crowd. We join hands with the larger lot. I haven’t find success and neither have you. Let us be happy and celebrate the mediocrity. Since the unsuccessful lot is the larger one, this has a lot of acceptance in our society.

            Also, we conclusively decide that the person must have done something out of the way to become successful. We forget that there are many people who have found success without walking down the wrong path even once.

            Then there is this rhetoric of success making people self-obsessed. I feel that is just a stereotype. If success makes one a narcissist, so does failure. The only difference is the former stems out of contentment and the latter from frustration.

            What we conveniently overlook is the toil the person has put in to achieve that stature. The only thing that should concern us is the lessons to be learned from that toil. It is the milestones that one passed that we should look at for only that will guide us when we walk down that road on our own.

Arun Babu.

First Step : Blog # 164

First Step

Don’t you remember the first time you balanced a cycle? Have you forgotten the day you drove a car with the steering wheel steady? Can you relive the euphoria your first lap across the swimming pool gave you?

The first step is always the toughest one to make and yet, we find it the most enjoyable. Achieving something for the first time is a charm. We all remember it for quite a long period. One of the reasons might be the fact that we do it with a lot of effort. Also, there is a sense of a newfound accomplishment to which we were a stranger till that very first time.

Recently, I came to know that one of my uncles who retired from BARC has took to learning Sanskrit and Music – Violin to be specific. My sister who visited him said his earnestness towards learning was truly inspiring.

As much a pleasure it is to enjoy the success of the first time; the sad part is that it is at the flag off point where we spend too much of time. We refuse to make the first attempt for varied reasons. One of the most common reasons is laziness. We just do not want to change the status quo. The curiosity to do something new goes for a hike. Then there is the equally popular fear. Because we do not know what it will feel like to get in to something that is new, we stop ourselves from taking the plunge.

The greater concern is when a sense of complacence sets in. It is interesting to note that the first times that we have in life begin to cease as we grow older. For instance, we give up learning new things the moment we step out of college. Think about it. The last time you would have learned something new or at least made an attempt to would have been in college or worst, in school.

We begin to spend time and effort in persuading others to take the first step forgetting we ourselves haven’t taken an initiative in a long time. It shouldn’t so happen that in the efforts to make others get started and running, we ourselves forget to put forward the first step.

The best thing about venturing in to a totally new area is that one feels young all over again. The curiosity comes alive; the ability to grasp come calling and creativity gets a second life. It’s as close we can get to being a child yet again J.

Arun Babu