Land of funerals & Weddings : Blog # 105

Land of funerals & Weddings

       Over the years, I have come to think of England as the land of funerals and weddings. The earliest memory that I have of England on a world stage is the funeral of Princess Diana. My mother says her memory of England is of Princess Diana’s wedding.

            The only time when there was a down play was when Prince Charles married Camilla, now the Duchess of Cornwall. But even that can be considered as subtle only if one were to compare it with the English standards. For the rest of the world, it was still widely publicized.

When the Queen’s mother left her people, the all too familiar Union Jack was spread out with the paraphernalia of the gleaming black cab carrying the coffin and a riot of red and black colors around it in the form of men and horses. A little earlier in the year before last, it was the wedding of Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton which caught the British fantasy.

Even recently, it was the Iron lady, Margaret Thatcher’s funeral which had all of us looking towards Her Majesty’s Kingdom.

Having seen all this, no wonder Hugh Grant, the British actor agreed to do the movie, Four Funerals and a Wedding J. I wonder if the production house is British!

I am just wondering what the commoners of Britain has got to say to all this. Especially when the unemployment rates are at an all time high and when the youth of the country is struggling to find their identity! Is it the same way we feel when the red beacons bring our daily lives to a screeching halt here in the erstwhile colony?

            My intention is not to show the country or the royal family in poor light .I am just wondering how right it is to build a country’s diplomatic image or soft power around the lives of a handful of people. The only exception in recent times was the Olympics.

            A country with such a luminous lineage of scholars and artists and achievers should start looking beyond telecasting neatly lined up horse carriages ornate with bouquets and vibrantly dressed men of majesty.For once, we have outdone the west in this regard.     

                                                      

                                                                                                      Arun Babu

At Sea : Blog # 104

At Sea

        I still remember the first time I saw an Ocean. I couldn’t fathom the vastness of it. It did not fit in to the scale or measure of anything that I had seen till that day. That vastness was truly liberating in a way. There were no limits, no boundaries, no peripheries.

           The first touch of sea is when the sinking feeling of the sand sinks in :) under your feet. Then there is the unmistakable sea breeze. It is playful enough to cheer you up but not too brash that you get annoyed.

            At first, many of us decide not to go in to the water. But such is the vivaciousness of those waves that we give in, much like many of the decisions we take in life... a tad bit too late J. And then we wonder if only I had done it a while back!

            Nothing else gives us a more soothing feeling than a walk on the beach. I think it is the physical manifestation of the poetic ‘walk down the memory lane’. It is one of those few instances where our mind shuts away from the outward noise and listens to the voice within.

            If you haven’t seen a sunset at sea, it is a grave injustice to the windows of your soul. Equally mesmerizing is a moonlit night by the seaside.

I think sea is the conscience of nature for everything has come from it and if we are to go by the divine texts, to it shall everything return. May be this has got something to do with our ‘connect’ with the sea. The ‘connect’ which emerges from the fact that the sea reflects our state of mind. If we are overjoyed, the high waves sound like a hearty laughter and if we are gloomy, the waves resonate the rage within.

            May be the reason why we all love to go in to a sea is the fact that we all can allow ourselves to be tossed around without fretting about being judged. In the struggle of a lifetime of finding one’s stillness in the ever shifting balance of life, it is relieving to let go at times.

Whenever I go to a beach, this is how I feel – totally ‘at sea’. Not even once have I felt the same when I have gone to a beach and that is the reason for this welcome perplexity. Each visit was a new experience and I know the ones to come will be too.

            Of the nature’s numerous wonders the ocean is just one and it leaves us with so much of bewilderment. On this environment day, let us bow before nature’s magnanimity for allowing us to indulge in the false belief that we are its masters.

Arun Babu        

Worth of a grain of remorse! : Blog # 103

Worth of a grain of remorse!

       We often look at guilt as a negative emotion or at least as an outcome of a negative deed. As much true it is, there is a positive aspect also to the existence of guilt.

         Imagine a situation where in a fit of rage, you hit someone. You are aware that it was totally uncalled for. You feel guilty. You go ahead and apologize.  Now remove the guilt aspect from it. The situation stops at you causing a friction between the two of you. Later on, the other person decides to get back at you. Now let’s extrapolate this situation to two groups – of different ethnicity or religion or linguistic identities. Again let’s stretch it further to the world stage. The same happens between two nations. What will the state of affairs be and where will we be headed?

       Take another instance – a person does a heinous crime. He/She doesn't repent. The court sends this person to jail. He/She returns to the society with zero guilt. Again, a crime is committed. When there is no guilt, the punishment does not fulfill its purpose. Here, purpose is lost!

         Another scenario - two parties are involved in a business. One decides to cook the books and fool the other person. The first party confronts his partner. The person who rigged the account books does not show guilt in his action. Here, the trust is lost irrevocably!

          The absence of guilt is often offensive to the affected party. If a spouse cheats and he/she expresses a feeling of guilt, the husband/wife might think of forgiving. On the other hand, if there is no expression of regret, what message does it send to the other party? Here, respect is lost!

      Often, people indulge in charity to get rid of the dark shadows of their misdeeds from the past. If a person does not feel even a grain of remorse for one’s past, there is no need to account for it. Here, benevolence is lost!

          It is important that we acknowledge the existence of guilt for the absence of guilt in this world will be made conspicuous with the omnipresence of graves!

                                                                                                                            

Arun Babu.

Happy for you : Blog # 102

Happy for you

One fine day, you receive a phone call or a message exulting one of your friends’ achievement of some sort. It can be a promotion, a scholarship or anything of that kind. Have you found yourself being happy for that person, yet with a tad bit of concern that is misplaced? You are left trying hard to fathom what you are exactly feeling.

Find solace in the fact that it is perfectly normal to feel so. It is this feeling which makes us strive better and get ahead in life.

            Is it jealousy? That is a petty feeling which isn’t even worth thinking about. Is it that feeling of what is in it for me? If he/she has accomplished something, how do I stand to benefit? This is again downright selfish! If these are the thoughts on your friend’s achievement, then it’s time for some serious introspection!

The misplaced concern that we are talking about here is an auto-feedback which comes alive on its own. We are thinking whether we have been left behind in the race? Whether we have been too complacent? I think that is at the root of the misplaced concern we feel.

            How do we get rid of this? The answer is by beginning to lay down some milestones for oneself. It is up to you whether to allow yourself to feel the same misplaced concern the next time you hear of an achievement or to feel truly happy for your friend which stems from the security of being able to see your own goals in the near future.

            While we figure out the milestones to be crossed, it is equally important that we cultivate the ability to feel sincere happiness for a dear one’s accomplishments, if you don’t have it yet. The reason being it really makes you feel good about yourself and brings a great deal of positivity to the world we inhabit. Also, when it is your turn, they will reciprocate with the same warmth and sincerity which will magnify your happiness. So let’s learn to say ‘happy for you’ with all heart J

                                                                                                                        

Arun Babu.

Strange bedfellows : Blog # 101

Strange Bedfellows

         Change and familiarity might appear to be the most unlikely of comrades. Come to think of it, you will understand that there exists a close transient coexistence between these two very diverse states.

         Due to certain realignments at work, I was asked by my manager to change to a different office. I should have been happy, given the fact that the new office is closer to city. The one I am working at currently is 50 kms away from the city. I still remember the first thing on my mind when I joined work was to get a transfer to the city office. But now I have grown familiar of this office. I have begun liking it.

              My friend used to tell me how much his boss bugs him. How irritated he gets of his boss’s ways and whims. But recently, his boss told him that he is going Onsite. My friend says he felt bad that his boss is leaving. Now he says; whatever it was, he learned a lot from his boss. He had grown familiar to his way of working. He does not know how his new manager will be and prefers a known devil than an unknown angel (of which the likely hood being minimal).

 Emotion also plays a significant part in strengthening the familiarity. Having become familiar to some state of being or entity, we start accumulating memories on to it. As time passes these memories become fond remembrances.

            What familiarity does is that it adds a degree of certainty to the current state of being. By nature, we all are averse to change. We prefer things to be not uncertain.

  And about the relationship between change and familiarity, whenever we are faced with a change, it takes a while to get used to it. Once we get used to it, then it starts becoming familiar. So familiarity is in a way a destination to the journey of change. However, it is not a straight road but a winding loop. Once you get familiar with something, understand you are nearing the next change lying around the corner. But then, such is Life J.

                                                                                                             Arun Babu

With all heart! : Blog # 100

With all heart!

        When was the last time you did something which consumed you so much that when you were about to call it a day, you were utterly tired even to lift a finger , yet felt blissfully happy? For this to have happened, you should have invested heavily in that endeavor -   emotionally.

     Many a time, I have wondered whether I should get in to something with all heart or with a sense of detached attachment.

Maintaining an arm’s length is the easier option for if at all we are faced with an undesired outcome, the heart ache will be less. If one is involved passionately, the stake will be higher and hence the reactions to the outcome will be more personal and emotional.

The flip side in being detached is that we lower the stakes ourselves and hence the aim gets blurred. A transmigration of sorts happens between Plan B and the original plan. There is less regret and remorse even if the desired accomplishment is not met. This might become counterproductive.

Also, it is important that one be passionate about whatever one does. Only then will come a sense of sincerity. Unless one can convince oneself about the genuineness of one’s intention, how can it be communicated to others? It takes a lot of courage and trust to invest much, especially when it come to matters of heart J.

Today, one of my friends proclaimed “What will be....will be!”If that is the case, the destination is already decided by destiny or a higher force. All that we can hope for is to make the journey enjoyable. For that to happen, whatever be the endeavor , no half measures will do; one should give it all that one has J.                                                                                                           

Arun Babu.

Of Tales Untold : Blog # 99

*A Short Story

Of Tales Untold

      Amit was coming home after 2 years. As much as he fell in love with the seasons of that foreign land twice over, he missed those seasons he grew up in.

            He reached home early in the morning. The breakfast along with family was blissful, the one he longed for while gulping down the toasted bread and the bottled juice. Promising his mom to be back for dinner, he called up a dear old friend and went out for lunch. It was a restaurant they frequented during their college days. The waiter came asking for starters and his friend told him “It has been a while since you bought me spring rolls” J.

            The family was having evening tea in the balcony, their favourite place in the house. Breaking in to laughter, Amit and his sister sat on the old swing at the same time else one side of it will go off balance. It was something that both of them did right from their schooldays. She said “No one else gets it right!”J. His mom told “Remember, how we used to go and buy groceries when your dad was away? And the evening walks we used to go on when you came back from college?”.Both of them smiled in fond remembrance.

            Amit’s girl friend, Ashima was performing a play in the nearby theatre. He reached there just when the show was about to begin. Calling one of the boys in the supporting cast, he sent across his wishes and a bouquet.

            The vacation got over in a blink and it was time to go. While packing his bags, his father told him “Amit, your wallet didn’t have change. I have kept some”. J

        Hearing the cab honking outside, he touched his grandmother’s feet. Cupping his face, she told him “Don’t send me money order on New year. It is not the post man whom I want to see” J     

As the cab approached the airport, his cell phone beeped. It was Ashima’s message.“The hall would have looked empty, had you not come.” J

                                                                                                 Arun Babu.

World in our lap : Blog # 97

World in our lap

       Technology has become so much of a part of our lives that we have the world in our ‘laps’, literally! It is astounding how significant a part of our lives, laptops have become.

Many of us should start counting the Laptop as our conscience keeper. No one else knows a person as much as his/her laptop does. Our deepest secrets are stored in its folders of anonymity, hidden from the world.

Many a time, our day begins at the start button on the task bar. It plans our day with post its. It stores our past in pixels. It helps us keep in touch.

It sings to us when we are stressed. It hosts movies when we are bored. It plays games to remind us about the child within.

It is omnipresent when we are among friends and among family. It is there when we are travelling and when we have settled down. It gives words to our thoughts. It mirrors our aspirations in its background.

It is where we book our tickets – be it to go around or to sit through two hours of entertainment.

We come home from a long day and who  do we look at for hours on end? Who else gets as much undivided attention?                

          It is by our side when we go to sleep and when we wake up. It is in this 14 X 14” portmanteau of memory that many of ours’ worlds reside. It is not just on top of our laps; it is indeed on top of our world itself!

                                                                                                             Arun Babu

Ladies of our Lives : Blog # 96

Ladies of our Lives

                   

            Let me begin on a note of apology for more often than not, we take the ladies of our lives for granted.

No man is blessed with the ability to feel and love like a woman does for she is the one who possesses the boon of motherhood. A mother hand holds a child right from the first cry through the first steps till a child becomes a self reliant man or woman. She weaves the best years of her life around the child’s , being fully aware that he/she will fly out of her nest one day. It is the epitome of selflessness that I have known.

For those who are blessed with a sister will know how bland life can become once she leaves the home. She is the one who fills the air with happiness, who often bridges the gap between family and who spreads a smile by just being there.

A wife or a lover is the wind beneath a man’s wings. It is not that she doesn't have a flight of her own. In spite of having to chase her dreams, she finds time to support and encourage the love of her life.

Quite often, we forget to acknowledge the ladies of our lives. On this woman’s day, we thank you for being who you are and for making us who we are!

                                                                                                  Arun Babu

Bask in the Glory : Blog # 95

Bask in the Glory

         I am not someone who gets complimented very often. Still, whenever some compliments come my way as rarely it may be, I am completely at sea.

         Most of us handle criticisms well. It is a fight or flight situation. Either you confront it upfront or ignore it completely. But when it comes to compliments, we do not know where to look or what to say.

       Let us look at some ways of accepting compliments graciously and how to bask in the glory :).

          The most common scenario is when we are complimented on having achieved something or for having executed a process. For instance, you organized an event and someone walks up to you and says “I haven’t seen a more organized event. Great Job!”.The trick here is to pass on the credit. You may say “The accolades should go to the team. I just showed them the way. It is them who walked the path.”

        There might be people who might compliment you by showing others in poor light. This is a path that needs to be tread cautiously. For instance, when you win a competition. You may say “It is my worthy opponents who brought out the best in me. They made me give my best shot. As far as winning the competition goes, it is just that the stars were on my side that day.”

           Many get complimented on aspects which they have not spent any effort on. For example,those who are blessed with good looks. When someone complements you on such aspects, a self depreciating humour will come handy. This will show that you are not narcissistic or self indulgent in nature.

        You might get complimented on any of your talent. People might be generous with their praises. One should humbly accept the compliment without sounding pompous, at the same time not putting off the person who is appreciating you.

        Now, when you get appreciated at work place. Your manager says you have improved on a specific skill. To be safe, pay the compliment right back. Tell your manager that it was he/she who gave you the feedback a few days before. You saw the merit in the advice and put in some efforts in that regard. This way, the manager gets the hint that you are taking his/her suggestions seriously and constructively.

        Having said all this, why is it important that we take compliments seriously?We all need reassurances that we are doing things the right way. We need reaffirmations that we are progressing in the right direction. A compliment is a validation of just that. Also, more often than not a compliment comes with a  piece of constructive criticism. “You are good at presentation. It is your strength. If  you work on voice your modulation, you will make a greater impact”. It is in these little advises hidden around the corner where the secret of success to Life lies.

                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                     Arun Babu

Someday : Blog # 94

Someday

       The good thing about ‘Someday...’ is that it doesn’t restrain you with the thread of time. It is a long leash. It is about letting go, but only to earn back later.

           It is a comfortable time space where we can park our dreams. There is a definiteness to it yet which is not suffocating. There is a certainty to it which still accords some degree of freedom.

It is a take on life where ambition is not just an acquaintance in the faint past. It is a state of being where the desire is still there burning like a cinder without the paraphernalia of fire and smoke.

It is a mindset which never gives up. It is 'will' in its most quaint form. It is passion personified in the subtlest of states.

It is the glimmer of hope that one keeps alive in the coldest of nights and the tempestuous of days.

I believe it is not always the brightest of minds who discover 'someday' between the pages of their life's diary, it is those who believe in their conviction who will realize their dreams, sooner or later.

The moment someday appears as a milestone in one’s Life, the existence has met its purpose. 

I wish someday shows up on all our calendars soon enough J.

                      Arun Babu.      

Ping! : Blog # 93

Ping!

         A couple of decades ago, it was the postman’s cycle bell which resonated as the sound that depicted ‘staying connected’. Then it became the telephone rings and today, it is just a ‘Ping!’.

            Never before in our recorded history, have we been more connected. How many of our grandparents would have got the chance to meet their child hood friends after their thirties, even our parents for that matter? We know where each of them are and what they are up to through a simple ping!

            These days, even if a person goes abroad, it doesn’t feel they are as much far. You ‘like’ their happiness, ‘poke’ to remind them and ‘comment’ to show your approval or concern.

            Of the greatest gifts the social media has given us is the ability to say and be heard. It takes away loneliness without the need of being in the middle of a crowd. Twitter is the classic example.

            Another fascinating fact is that the social media has eliminated the social awkwardness from our relations. Put two strangers together and in 5 minutes, they would have run out of topics to talk about. Had those two met after having met on some social media platform earlier, Facebook for instance, the conversation can go on and on.

            But the day we start preferring 2D images to real meets, then ping starts sounding like the death knell for human relations!

                                                                                                            Arun Babu.

            

Colour of Conscience : Blog # 92

Colour of Conscience

                                I envy this friend of mine for he knows right from wrong. Most of his choices, at least what those I have known have been ones which did not need much mulling over and self reassurance.It seems the colour grey doesn’t exist in his hue. For me, it has never been black and white.

            How easy things would be if telling right from wrong is as much simple. For every right, there are two sides and so does every wrong – of two parties who are affected.

There is a right for the majority and so does the minority and same goes for the wrongs too. So does the convicted and the acquitted.

And the darkest grey of all, war crimes! How on earth can we say who is right or wrong based on a fence on the soil and on which side of the fence one is?

Don’t even get me started with the matters of the heart!. For every one, their own heart is prime and so is the justification of their side.

 I think ‘ethics’ defines ‘grey’. 2 equally good choices, but one of them acceptably right. The operative words, ‘acceptable’ and ‘right’ .Acceptable to whom? And right by what standards? One will never know.

Having said all that, there is one entity who knows right from wrong – the inner self. However, hard we try to convince it, for the conscience there is no shade of grey to it - right is audaciously right and wrong is blatantly wrong.

Arun Babu.