Sunday 29 June 2014

Path much traversed : Blog # 180

Path much traversed


 The rain having subsided and the morning slumber reluctantly leaving my droopy eyes, I went out to run some errands for my mother. Out of the blue, I got this urge to drive down some lanes which I used to frequent as a child. Quite often, we hear about the need to take the path less traversed. Today, I realized it is equally important that we revisit those paths which we used to frequent often in the past.

            To begin with, there is a rush of thoughts that hit you. One realizes how amazingly innocent one was. The biggest of worries which used to fret us once up on a time seems to be puny now. The largest of efforts which used to weigh us down earlier now seems so easy. One wishes to go back to those days when life was much simpler.

One also realizes how far one has come from those days. At times, it surprises you how kind Life has been to you. One feels blessed and thankful to have traveled far ahead of those lanes. Looking back now, one feels all the potholes and long winding curves along the way have made one a better voyager.

            At times, it also makes you ponder on the dreams once you had. It might so happen that you might not have gone as much ahead as you thought you would. Even then, walking down those familiar lanes instills in you a belief, an urge to strive again. One never knows what surprise a second attempt might bring you.

            In these little by lanes of life, one also comes across those people who used to walk along with you. Very few things in Life can be more joyous than reminiscing about those days with them. When you see them, you realize how kind they were in your times of need. It also makes you feel good when they think of you in the same way. It’s funny when you meet the people with whom you had a fight on these lanes. You feel grown up when they come up to you and have a laugh about it. If not, you feel sad for them having not grown up.The funniest is when one meets people whom one competed with on these very roads. One realizes the frivolousness of it for the lanes which you walked through might have been the same. But, now you know the destinations were not J.

It is surprising to learn that once up on a time, you thought your life cannot move on without visiting these lanes. Yet today, you realize how far you have walked away from them. The fondness is very much still there. But you are thankful that you walked away and visited the world outside of it.You are grateful to the world beyond for having educated you..

Arun Babu.

Wednesday 25 June 2014

Collective Who? : Blog # 179

Collective Who?  


I have come to think of Collective responsibility as an Oxymoron. Look at the various instances that we come across. Whenever an accident occurs and if a mob gathers around, chances are that no one will help the person who met with the accident. Here everyone shifts the responsibility to the other person in the crowd.

Consider another situation.  A group of people is assigned a task without specifically telling them who is responsible for what task. They are told it is the collective responsibility of the group to get the job done. Add to this; let it be a group of members who are equal in all respects; where there is no hierarchy. Don’t be surprised if the task doesn’t get started at all. A very recent example being the EGoMs (Empowered Group of Ministers) that we used to have in the earlier government and which were dissolved last month.

I think the reason why the concept doesn’t work out mostly is due to our inherent need for ownership. The moment you state collective responsibility, there is a loss of individual accountability at some levels. The thinking goes on the lines of even if one doesn’t pull his/her weight; the other members will do it for this person. Eventually the social loafer in each one of us begin to come out more often than it would if the task were completely owned by a single person.

In a corporate environment, one hears about collective responsibility quite often. This happens especially in two situations; one in times of success and the other in times of failure. In times of success, as in other positive situations, people tend to be graceful. The credit is shared with the team and collective responsibility finds some definite meaning. It’s quite interesting though in situations of failure. The team which started off the project on the contract of collective responsibility now becomes a collective slugfest! People start attributing the wrongdoings to other members of the team. Then starts the allegations of who was supposed to take care of what task!

I think collective responsibility works in only two instances. First, when the ownership of smaller tasks is assigned to individuals and the larger job’s responsibility is that of the team. Second, when the task is intrinsically motivating which means people are doing the job for reasons other than those which can be measured. People have undertaken the said job for reasons that appeals to their noble emotions rather than a reward in cash or kind. For instance, a noble activity like the cause of charity. Here, people tend to look at the larger purpose and try to go above and beyond whatever is expected of them. Else, it gets reduced to just another set of words which sounds good.


Arun Babu

Saturday 21 June 2014

In the backyards of the beyond : Blog # 178

In the backyards of the beyond


        Last week, I travelled to this part of the world which I hadn’t imagined in my wildest dreams that I would visit one day. I stepped in to the scenic, lush green, pristine piece of Earth that is Uttarakhand. There is an old world charm about this place, uncorrupted by the ways of the modern world. It isn’t crowded, polluted or clogged with vehicles. The roads were long and winding, serenaded by monstrous mountains and huge pine trees.

            What struck me about the place was its deafening silence. I did not quite get used to this sound of silence. There was always this feeling that I was missing something. I felt I was in the backyards of the beyond; away and aloof from everything. I went out on a walk where I couldn’t find a person on the road even after a good 10 minutes of stroll. I found a fox cross my path only to be told by the guest house manager that tigers also came down at times. Seeing the horror on my face, he said “Nothing to worry, they are small tigers”. I couldn't fathom how it is a relief!

            I realized how much of an effect the surroundings have on one’s mindset and approach. I was lamenting about my commute back to Delhi and eventually to Chennai. I wondered if the hairpin filled roads would block my way and the people there said it is quite common and I can travel the next day. There was a sea of a difference in the way people looked at the concept of time. Generally, we all would like to reach a place before 11 if we want to reach there by 11. Here, people factored in various happenings like a tree falling or a truck breaking down right at the turn of a hairpin. Connectivity here is never taken for granted. Your cell phone can go on mute and the internet can blank out at will. They were more accustomed to these uncertainties.

            Another difference was the abundance of time people had in this part of the world; so much so that I began getting terribly bored. Being used to a life where one needs to compromise on sleep to catch up with the world, here I was with a surplus of time and completely caught unawares how to deal with it. I asked one of the professors in the college there as to what he does after work. He said “I reach home in 15 minutes after the class gets over by 5.  I have a cup of tea and relax. This being a remote place, there isn’t many TV channels that you can watch. Internet can also get sporadic. Add to that a power outage which is highly dependent on the weather.” So how do you pass time, I asked. He said that they went to a nearby town ship. On my way back, I saw the town ship he mentioned. A handful of shops and eateries was what the township was all about.

            I hadn’t got as much time to myself in the recent past with nothing to do and nowhere to go to. I slipped in to a bit of introspection and realized how important it is for me to be around people whom I hold close. Also, how easy it is to find some time for oneself and for those one cares about.

            We all fret about how we don’t find time in this fast paced world of ours. But when gifted with an hourglass full of time, many of us don’t know how to deal with it. At least I did not.

For all the foibles of the city, I was dying to get back to the hustle and bustle of it. It is good to get away to places like these once in a while. If not for anything, to realize how blessed with comforts most of our lives are.

Arun Babu

Sunday 8 June 2014

In Love with my Baggage : Blog # 177



In Love with my Baggage


                  By virtue of my profession of being a recruiter, I spend more days in a hotel room than my own rented house in Chennai. I have come to travel more in the last two years of my Life than I have travelled in         the whole of the quarter century of my Life! 

        I am not someone who has enjoyed travelling from quite early on. But now, a bit of wander lust has set in. There is an interesting thing about travelling. As much joy there is in seeing new places, when you are away for quite long, one looks for a hint of familiarity. This might be the reason why people prefer hotel chains to those that are standalone. Apart from the hotels, there is one constant companion for a wanderer. His/her baggage! My slice of familiarity is my American Tourister bag. 

             There is one more thing about travel. The smallest of discomforts can turn in to a major hassle. One such is tugging along the baggage where ever you go. In my case, I frequent most of the railway stations and airports. Quite often, one can’t help but feel like pulling along a bullock cart. Worse is the case when the baggage needs to be pushed around. One feels like a vegetable seller on wheels. 

              And enter, the four wheeled bag! I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. It just glides along ever so smooth. The effort required to move it around it near to zero. Moreover, it looks pleasant on the eyes too. Akin to that quote about friends, it chooses to glide beside you. Neither behind nor ahead, thanks to its wheel design.

            Coming back to the familiarity bit, Once I reach my hotel room, the sight of my baggage puts me at ease. The fact that there is something/someone that goes through the same journey lends me a sense of calm. Isn’t it the same with emotional baggage too? Even though we all love to shed our baggage, there is a sense of familiarity we develop towards our problems. We know how to deal with them. We know when they will crop up and how to pacify them.

            Some problems lend us a sort of identity too. We would have grown with them. They would have moulded us in more ways than one. There would have been times when they would have made us weak but only to emerge stronger. Over time, we learn to handle our baggage thereby becoming a better person. It is in a way true when they say our problems maketh us. 

             But yes, one needs to know when the baggage becomes a tad bit too heavy for comfort and hesitate not to shed the extra pound.
Arun Babu.  

Wednesday 28 May 2014

Just another day : Blog # 176

Just another day ~ Say No to Smoking


     Gaurav woke up to the blaring alarm, a sound which he has come to hate the annoyance quotient of which comes second only to the sound which the auto rickshaws make when they try to overtake a speeding bus. As usual, he went to the balcony for his morning puff. His mother who was watering the garden looked up and wished him morning.

How I wish he quit this habit! How do I tell him how worried it makes me to see him smoke? What will happen to his health?

            Wanting to not be late to office two days in a row, Gaurav got dressed and went down to see his father sitting with the newspaper. “Dad, how is the new Government coming along?” He went near his father and quickly passed a glance through the business page. “Looks like this government means business! Come, let’s have breakfast”, his father said.

He is reeking of cigarettes! Where did he pick this habit from? I should have a chat with him. But then again, what do I tell him at this age?

              Gaurav couldn’t wait to get in to his car. He waited till the car got out of their street and opened a new pack. He lit one when he reached the signal. A school bus came and stopped next to him. He reminisced about those days. What fun it was! To study was a pain but then there were no responsibilities, no targets. Life was fun.

Hey all of you come here. Look what that uncle is doing. He looks so cool with a cigarette in his hand, doesn’t he? I can’t wait to smoke! But our teachers tell us it is the bad people who smoke! Does that uncle look like a bad person? And I have seen our teacher smoking in the bathroom! So it is not that bad a thing to do after all.

            Walking in to office, Gaurav met a few friends on the way. He went to his bay and started working on the ppt. which he was to present that day to his Boss. Once the finishing touches were done, he went in to his boss’ cabin.

Guys, isn’t it Gaurav’s birthday the coming week? What do we gift him? “Let’s get him an ashtray!” Akshaya said. “Yeah right! And please be there to gift him that sun sign mug when he gets sick!” Akshaya did not expect this reply from Madhav. Realizing he came across as rude, Madhav said “I am sorry Akshaya. The thing is we take this awful habit too lightly. Somehow it has gained acceptance in our social circles. We fail to look at how grave a situation this habit can land a person in”

            The presentation went quite well and Gaurav was happy. By evening, he made plans to go out with his friends for a movie. In the break when his friends went to buy snacks, he went for a puff. They came back and the movie resumed. Someone passed on a snack which used to be his favorite. He took a bite and realized that he did not like the taste of it. He asked his friend if it has gone stale. His friend said “Not at all. In fact, it tastes great!”

           Gaurav drove back home, had one last smoke and slept off.His cellphone lit up for a second. It was a Whatsapp message which read “To Sin is human. But to make others pay for your sins is evil”.


                                                                                                            Arun Babu.

Sunday 11 May 2014

Amma : Blog # 175


Amma


        The earliest vivid memory that I have of my mother is her asking me what Saree she should wear whenever we went out. I should have been in 1st standard if I remember right. I always used to ask her to wear a particular Saree and I can’t remember a time when she did not oblige. But I also remember her asking me to put on a particular shirt and my refusal to do it time and again. To this day, the pattern continues. Coming to think of it now, little deeds like these show how much of a selfless relationship a mother has with her daughter/son. A mother gives and gives and gives!

            I believe if not for mothers, we never would have understood the concept of love in its wholeness. I can’t think of any other relationship which is completely devoid of ego. Whatever the circumstances and situations are, a mother’s first instinct is to love. It is not that the relationship doesn’t go through transience. One of my friend's sister says that she could see how her son is changing now that he has entered adolescence. He doesn’t have time to talk to her and if at all he talks, it is to argue. I am sure most of us can relate to this. We have all been through that phase. Have you ever stepped in to her shoes? The void that she would have felt when her son/daughter moved from being completely dependent on her to her struggling to find  a few minutes in a day to talk to him/her!

            I think the moment of truth comes when we finish college and move out of our homes to another city on work. It is then that it suddenly hits us. Now that friends are at different places and many of them who used to be around for day and night slowly drifting away, a new found solitude sets in. The realization sets in that this is exactly how our mothers would have felt. If one is sensitive enough, he/she takes efforts to make up for the lost time. And when it comes to mothers, it is never too late, isn’t it?

            My cousins and friends who are married say it is after they have a kid that they understand what being a mother means. They talk about how taxing and tiring it is and how still they can’t help feel happy to be a mother. Whenever my grandmother visits, my father asks her to cook one dish or the other for him and in spite of her age, she happily obliges. I ask my grandmother why and she says “For you, he is an old man. But for me, he is still my little son”. Doesn’t that sum up how a mother feels for her children all her life?

            I don’t think we can even attempt to love the way a mother does. All we can do is to try and respond to the warmth she exudes and be eternally grateful.

p.s. Amma,I can't thank God enough for your presence in my life. I try and express my love for you in more ways than one. But I know I haven't done enough and it will never be.
More often than not, a father’s love goes unacknowledged. More so, when it comes to the relationship that he shares with a son! So here goes; I love you dad J.
Lots of Love,
Arun

Wednesday 7 May 2014

Of relationships & Life : Blog # 174

Of relationships & Life


Somebody asked me what will be that wish I would ask for if I am granted just one. I would wish for the ability to love as much as I am being loved. These days,the ability to love is like common sense – not common at all. In fact there are very few people who can love fellow beings in the true sense.

    Many a time, we look at our relationships as secondary. We tend to forget their importance in this ever transient life of ours. Coming to think of it, relationships are among the few constants in our life; the relationships that we have with friends, family and hopefully not foes J. Everything else in life doesn't stay till the end; education, job, success, failures et al are passing phases. But relationships stay with you from the first breath till the last.

It takes time and effort to nurture relationships and it is worth it and how. It is these relationships which lend the much needed charm to our lives. People who have moved across cities in their life would know. It is not the glitz and glamour of the city that makes it close to ones heart. It is neither the amenities that the city promises nor the ambiance it holds within which makes it loved. It is the people; it is the relationships which we build in a city that lends it a character in our minds. Amidst all the steel and glass, it is the relationships which lends the city its soul.

Of the few ways to find some semblance of this conundrum that is life, I think the most enjoyable one is to bond with a few fellow souls. All we have is some finite time on the face of earth. Wouldn't it be great if we have a handful of people who care about us? More importantly, whom we care about! We have come to a state in life where all we are concerned about is oneself. I read somewhere that if something else moves you other than self pity, consider yourself to be blessed! What a sad truth, isn't it?

Many a time we underestimate the fragility of relationships. The smallest of deeds can make or break a relationship. If one were to compare Life to music, relationships are the most difficult notes yet the most soothing ones.

It is said, In a relationship, there is always one person who loves more. All of us strive constantly to be not that person. Once in a while, it is ok to be that person. May be, there is happiness in being that person. How will one ever know if we don’t take the plunge in to the sea of relationship? At times, it can be a tempestuous one which will need us to sail against high tides and strong currents! But the serenity in between, resembling a cool breeze on a sultry summer day is worth sailing for.

And about the lack of time in our life these days, all we need to think about is that one might want to scale a summit alone but not many would want to celebrate a birthday in solitude.

Arun Babu.

Tuesday 6 May 2014

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young

Respect for Women ~ Catch them young


        One of the benchmarks for wellbeing and social maturity of a society should be the way it treats its women. Going by that thought, the lesser said about our society, the better. It is time we brought respect and dignity to our women which they rightfully command.

         A large number of crimes against women that are happening in our society is due to the mindset of the perpetrators; the mindset that women are in some way inferior to men. It is this cancerous a thought that need to be uprooted. For this to be achieved, we need to put in efforts from an early stage.

To begin with, we should look at ways to establish respect for women as a deed that is not a choice but a habit. There can be one person who advocates this thought in every educational institution. Right from when a student clears his/her lower primary schooling (when they reach their 5th Standard) one session which lasts one hour need to be conducted every month for those students.It can be called 'Equality Hour'. In these sessions, the person who anchors this initiative will educate the students about the role women play in our society. This will be done in very subtle yet innovative ways. For instance, showing them films in which women play pivotal roles, inviting women who have contributed to the society in any way to address the students, showing them videos of women achievers, et al. The idea is to get the students understand how women play as equally important a role as men in our country.

Once this pilot program succeeds, the idea can be extended to include taking students to witness women working in positions of power. For instance, the students will visit a Lady who is a district collector or a Police commissioner carrying out her duties efficiently. The intention here is for the boys to begin to accept women as equals and for the girls to envisage themselves in pivotal roles in the society.

The root of all evil is destructive thoughts and these thoughts arise and grow over time. If these thoughts are clipped early on in life, unwanted intentions will be eliminated and so will be the undesired acts. No amount of punishment is deterring people from indulging in heinous crimes against women. What is required is a change in mindset and this initiative is looking at achieving just that.

                                                                                                Arun Babu.

Sunday 27 April 2014

Of Godmen, G.D.P & Maslow : Blog # 173

Of Godmen, G.D.P & Maslow


         A strange line of thought sprang up during the evening tea. Does the rise of middle class have anything to do with the flourishing Godmen and their sprawling businesses? I think it does.

Much has been written about the emergence of great Indian middle class. It has far reaching consequences in a many a fields that impact our lives. It is the reason why multinational retailers are dying to open their stores in India. If there is a reason for universities to flourish like cocoons, this is it. If automobile sales are skyrocketing in our country when it is slowing down across the globe, you don’t need to think far from this thread.

         To try and understand as to how the emerging middle class and Godmen are connected, let us explore a concept called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the field of Human Resources management. In a nutshell, Maslow says at different stages of life, different things motivate people. The initial stages of hierarchy are the basic needs – physiological, safety and social. Then comes need for self-esteem and then eventually, self-actualization. If the initial needs are met, then in order for a person to be content,the higher needs of the hierarchy need to be appealed to.

          As a result of the surge in the economic growth in the last couple of years, a large population of the country has moved in to the middle class who has purchasing power. This means that a considerable population has fulfilled the initial needs. To put things in perspective quite literally, these are people who has a house, a job and has time to sit on the balcony with a cup of tea and fret about the finer things in life. Having found that time, one begins to feel a void – a sense of not feeling complete and thereby a lack of contentment.

            It is here that the Godmen/women have found their opportunity. It is exactly the two upper strata of the Maslow’s hierarchy that they appeal to. I talked to a couple of friends who follow some Godmen or the other. Most of them said that they are seeking two things 1. To figure out a way to feel good and 2. To understand the larger meaning of life. What else is self-esteem and self-actualization but these?

         I wonder if any other group of people would have benefitted as much from the economic growth as the Godmen have without as much as lifting a finger.

p.s.  I still would like to believe that there are some spiritual leaders who are genuinely striving towards leading the human race to the greatness that awaits it. 

Arun Babu

Tuesday 22 April 2014

See you at the movies? : Blog # 172

See you at the movies?


        Have you noticed that that many of us go for movies much more than we did about 5 years ago? All you need to do is to look at the number of films becoming profitable these days or how the trend of cinema theatres becoming convention centres or marriage halls have come down considerably. I am not talking only about the 100 Crore club. There are many good films which are reaping in multiples of their production cost.

       The emergence of multiplexes is one reason. Those comfy seats, better air conditioning, good food, convenient show timings – all of these would have contributed to larger number of people going to theatres. But I think at the core of it is the fact that better movies are made these days. Movies these days are no more purely escapist in their themes. They might be aspirational but not completely out of touch with reality. Add to this, they have become more relatable. No more does the hero depict a superhuman nor is the heroin, an epitome of virtue.

         Another reason is the fact that movies these days take care to appeal to all kind of audiences. Earlier if the heroines were serenaded in chiffon sarees in pouring rains, these days the cameras drool over heroes’ six packs as well and mind you, this is by design and not by accident.

Coming to think about it, going for a movie is the last of the things which are yet to become ‘private’. By private, I mean it is among the very few things which we still do as a social activity. The only things which we do as a social group these days have come down to weddings and religious gatherings.

What I love the most about going to a theatre is the fact that it is one of the few places which manages to retain our attention for a full two hours. We might go to a public park but only to stare at our cell phones. We might go on a stroll with a group of friends only to be deafened by music plugged in to our ears. Look around and you can see that each and every one of us is distracted by one gadget or the other. Be it in a bus, an office or even in a place of worship. But in a theatre, we keep the cell phones firmly in the pockets.

I hope the theatres grow in popularity if not for anything else, at least to remind us that there is more to Life than the pings and blinks of gadgets.

Arun Babu.

Keywords: Indian Cinema,Bollywood,Hindi Films, Indian films, Indian movies, Indian film industry, Indian actors, Indian actresses,100 years of Indian Cinema
            

Sunday 13 April 2014

An Ode to Serenity Prayer : Blog # 171

An Ode to Serenity Prayer


          Many of us pray, don’t we? We all have varied reasons for saying our prayers. For some, it’s out of fear; for some, it’s out of reverence and for many amongst us, it’s out of sheer habit. Having been exposed to varied forms of prayers (thanks to my schooling under varied religious trusts), I have noticed a couple of things. Mostly, a prayer is a note of thanks to a higher power. Many a time, it is asking for forgiveness and it also becomes an earnest supplication for protection at times.


            Since prayer largely concerns our ‘self’, we tend to lack objectivity. This is the reason why we commit the gravest of sins and have the audacity to ask for forgiveness. This is why we reach out to the higher power only in times of need and conveniently forget otherwise. This serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr that I came across made a lot of sense and I think that objectivity is what makes it so unique and universal.

It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

            This prayer addresses our world and thus our lives in to two – that which can be changed and that which cannot be. Through my eyes, I see it as a prayer to help us to do away with the feeling of ‘regret’ in our lives. I look at ‘regret’ as cancer to spirit of our soul.

We regret about things that could have been done differently. Do not mistake regret with repentance. There is learning involved in repenting because in that state, we learn from our mistakes and thus strive to become better beings. In ‘regretting’, all we are doing is putting ourselves in to misery due to an occurrence from the past which cannot be undone. These are among things that we cannot change.

In the second line, again it implores for power to not get in to the downward spiral of regret is what I feel. It asks for the strength of mind to go ahead and do things which one is capable of. It implores within to make a difference in the lives of one self and of others. It asks for courage to not hold back when one is capable of doing something noble. Largely, we are asking to be blessed with contentment when we look back in Life.

It is said we worry mostly about the eventualities that never happen in reality. We think in our own mind about things that could go wrong and the repercussions there of. We should know what is worth fretting about and what’s not. Hence the need for wisdom to know the difference between both.

Don’t you think these three lines of prayer embody our journey of Life in itself?

Arun Babu